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upset

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:57 PM
  • 18 Replies

 I know some of this is going to sound childish but it is how I feel please be kind. My birthday is coming up this friday. My husband just lost his job (again), and even though we have a little money I am trying to make it last as long as I can. I had plans to go out with a friend on saturday to a 'girls just want to have fun night' but I had to cancel because I don't have the $10 admision fee, or money for anything else. I really truely don't remember the last time I did anything for my birthday (more then just going to dinner) since high school. I don't remember the last time my hubby put thought into a gift for my birthday. And I think the last time I got something was 2 years ago (maybe longer). I know its not about the gifts, something handmade is perfectly fine with me. It's just the fact that I am only 23 and I already do absolutely noting for my birthday.

All of this is just made worse by my hubby being home with me all day but not really helping with my son. He has just been sitting around. He did 1 load of laundry but other then that he hasn't done anything to help me with either of the kids today. And has just been a general ass when I have tried to ask him for help or to do something for me really quick.

I have been struggling a lot with my depression and anxiety lately but no one seems to really understand what I am going through. And most of hte people I am around blame me for what is going on. A lot of people don't understnad why I don't spend time with them or go places with them. My family blames me for the house being dirty and that I can't seem to keep up on it. But they don't realize between my depression and constant back pain and other pain it is hard to keep up on even some of the basic things. My dad keeps telling me daily about jobs that are open and hireing. Even though he knows I have my own business that has actually been keeping me decently busy and bringing in a decent income. And somehow I feel like a major failure even though I am doing everything i can to better myself and the life my kids have. I just hate the constant reminders of everyone around me of how horribly I suck at life.

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lovegrandbaby
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:20 PM

Though I am quite a bit older than you, I completely understand.  I have not been able to find a job, and we are sinking fast financially.  I have suffered years with depression, and no one really understands it.  Try not to let your family put you down.  I learned to start telling my family exactly what I think.  Your husband may be depressed also, due to not having a job.  Sometimes it is difficult for them to help and be pleasant  when they are miserable with themselves.  What type of job do you do from home?  If you are enjoying being home and working at home, then stick with it.  Something is better than nothing.  I will keep you in my prayers.  Hang in there.  {HUGS}

B3autiful_Hat3
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 4:57 AM

HUGS

lexismom90
by Silver Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 5:04 AM
1 mom liked this
Thanks. My husband tries to understand what I am going through and I am good about telling him what's going on it's the rest of my family I have problems with. I am just struggling with him right now because I was doing everything for so long including up all night with zero help because of him working and now that he isn't I am still up all night.

I own and run my own cleaning business. So I am not at home all the time right now, but kind if hoping to get to a point where I have enough business for employees to do most of the cleaning so I can just run the schedueks, finding new customers, estimates, marketing. That sort if thing. But I LOVE being home with my kids and having flexible hours for their appointments and mine. When I was working full time it was extremely hard on me because of being away from them.


Quoting lovegrandbaby:

Though I am quite a bit older than you, I completely understand.  I have not been able to find a job, and we are sinking fast financially.  I have suffered years with depression, and no one really understands it.  Try not to let your family put you down.  I learned to start telling my family exactly what I think.  Your husband may be depressed also, due to not having a job.  Sometimes it is difficult for them to help and be pleasant  when they are miserable with themselves.  What type of job do you do from home?  If you are enjoying being home and working at home, then stick with it.  Something is better than nothing.  I will keep you in my prayers.  Hang in there.  {HUGS}

fudgybuddymom
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 7:51 AM

I am sorry that others think you "suck at life"! Remeber that's just other ppl's feelings according to their own expectations. Good for you that you're able to keep up with a home business! That's awesome! I wish I had the talent & strength to do that! You must have a lot of disicipline to be able to own your own business! Maybe have a small party with some of your friends at home, a girls night, provide snacks & they can bring their own drinks. Send the kids to granparents for an overnight & have hubby do something else in another part of the house if you can't afford to go out.

redhotscorp61
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:20 AM

It sounds like you are pulling the whole load and hubby sits on his ass. You said he lost his job "again".  Can he keep a job?  I suffer from depression and anxiety.  I have rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia plus a bulging disk in my back.  I have degeneration of my spine.  I'm older than you, going on 52.  So I know what chronic pain is and being overwhelmed. 

You are NOT a failure!  If anything, you need supportive people, not people that tear you down.  I would see a professional for your depression/anxiety/pain if you haven't already.  There is help available. 

Your husband needs to get off his dead ass and help you. 

If you ever want to talk, I'm here!  :)

matreshka
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:23 AM

Its hard to get people to understand what depression anxiety and chronic pain is all about.  My family doesn't understand me either.  Is your husband depressed because he lost another job? Is that why he's not helping around the house? I would talk to him about it.  I hope you start feeling better soon.

Birthdays can be bittersweet.  I'm 35 and really don't celebrate my birthday.  In my 20's I was always working hard and never had time to celebrate.  Is there something you can do for just you, like give your self a mani/pedi or something you enjoy?

leahbeah143
by Leah on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:32 PM

 *hugs*

hubby isn't working, can't he be helping around the house

lexismom90
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 12:01 AM

 

Quoting fudgybuddymom:

I am sorry that others think you "suck at life"! Remeber that's just other ppl's feelings according to their own expectations. Good for you that you're able to keep up with a home business! That's awesome! I wish I had the talent & strength to do that! You must have a lot of disicipline to be able to own your own business! Maybe have a small party with some of your friends at home, a girls night, provide snacks & they can bring their own drinks. Send the kids to granparents for an overnight & have hubby do something else in another part of the house if you can't afford to go out.

Thanks. It really has been a challenge so far with everything. Especally since only about 20% of what I do is "from home" the rest of it is in other peoples homes and businesses. But the plus side is I can move my hours (most of the time) around appointments for my kids. It does take a lot of disicipline sometimes to be able to keep up with the advertising, paying the bills, things like that. Especally since I can't really call off if I am sick because I am the boss. One of my friends is thinking about taking me out somewhere.

 

lexismom90
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 12:06 AM

 He can keep a job but the last few years has been rough. He has been working for a call center that lays off every 6 months. When he did have a decent one that wouldn't lay off he had to quit because I was having complications with my pregnency and I had no one around (at the time) to help me out with anything. I had a 1 year old, and kept passing out and falling so I had to have someone around to look after me. Then he got the job at the call center that is only seasonal, but they laid off early this year due to over hireing at other centers.

I don't know what is going on pain wise right now. I really wish I did. I am seeing 2 drs just for that right now and still can't figure out what is causing it. One said it was just vitamin D being to low, but the pain should have stoped by now and hasn't. I have another follow up on monday to see what is going on there. I also know I need to get back in to see someone for my depression and anxiety, but between my sons appointments, the appointments for my pain, and the business I haven't had time to get in with anyone again.

Quoting redhotscorp61:

It sounds like you are pulling the whole load and hubby sits on his ass. You said he lost his job "again".  Can he keep a job?  I suffer from depression and anxiety.  I have rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia plus a bulging disk in my back.  I have degeneration of my spine.  I'm older than you, going on 52.  So I know what chronic pain is and being overwhelmed. 

You are NOT a failure!  If anything, you need supportive people, not people that tear you down.  I would see a professional for your depression/anxiety/pain if you haven't already.  There is help available. 

Your husband needs to get off his dead ass and help you. 

If you ever want to talk, I'm here!  :)

 

lexismom90
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 12:11 AM

 I don't know if he is or not honestly. Even before loosing the job he never really helped around the house. Ever since we started living together it is like pulling teeth to get him to help me clean or pickup around the house. I was even 7 months pregnant and having other complicaitons and I was still the primary one cleaning and doing anything. I just wish he knew how hard it was for me to do the things that I do. I have tried talking to him about things, he just gets mad at me for always 'being mad about somehting'.

I don't really know what to do. I really want to do something just for me, but I am trying to grow out my hair so I don't want to get it cut or styled. I don't like mani and pedi's because I bite my finger nails, and my feet are extreemly ticklish. So i really have no clue what to do

Quoting matreshka:

Its hard to get people to understand what depression anxiety and chronic pain is all about.  My family doesn't understand me either.  Is your husband depressed because he lost another job? Is that why he's not helping around the house? I would talk to him about it.  I hope you start feeling better soon.

Birthdays can be bittersweet.  I'm 35 and really don't celebrate my birthday.  In my 20's I was always working hard and never had time to celebrate.  Is there something you can do for just you, like give your self a mani/pedi or something you enjoy?

 

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