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Decades of Depression

Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies
Hi. I'm new to this group. I'm 45 and was diagnosed with depression when I was 18. Depression devastated my life. It robbed me of many of my hopes and dreams. I had many failed relationships as a result of depression. I lost my husband because I was too depressed. My social life suffered too because I was too depressed to be around people and socialize. In the past I used to drink alcohol to overcome depression but all that got me was 2 DUIs and a drinking problem.I lost 2 jobsiI absolutely loved because my depression was too severe to work. My relationships with friends and family also suffered because people don't tend to understand why you are so quiet andthey feel as though yoyou're pushing them away or aren't interested in their company. I lost valuable time with my kids because I just couldn't get out of bed. Depression took away my motivation and personality. I was very blah and not fun to be around. Depression also took my looks. I never smiled and always had a sad withdrawn face. For decades depression robbed me of my soul. When I was a child and teen I had so many dreams, dreams to travel, have asuccessful career, fall in love, get married, have a family, live in a beautiful house, entertain and have parties, have many frends, be beautiful and glamorous. Decades of depression took away my life.

Now at 45 its too late to live out my dreams, develop a personality, be beautiful and glamorous, have a successful career. I am now stabilized on anti depressants and my depression is finally bearable. I get through my days much easier these days. I even have moments that I feel happy. But what brings me down and keeps me down is everything I lost as a result of depression, things Iwill never get back or replace.

If anyone out there lost a significant part of their lives due to depression, other mental illnesses or from any other reason, I'd love to hear your stories and how you cope with the losses and go on. Please share your stories of loss with me so I don't feel so alone in this feeling. I hope to hear from you. Thank you in advance for your help and concern.
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 26, 2013 at 2:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 2:48 PM

I have lost a lot from having bipolar disorder. A job I loved, and now I'm on disability and feel like a failure. My oldest son had to go live with his dad because I couldn't handle it on my own, so I feel like a failure there too.

by Group Admin on Oct. 26, 2013 at 2:49 PM
Hi my name is Melissa. I a. 48 years old. I have suffered from depression since I was 17.I was a nurse but the expression was too bad to keep my job so I ended up on disability. I loved my job. I don't have anything to do with my brother or sisters or my mom because like you they don't understand when I just can't carry a conversation so I avoid them. But I haven't let it take me completely. I just got a med change and am doing pretty good. I have met a friend on here who also suffers from depression and we are a lot alike. We talk on the phone everyday and I am planning a trip to Alabama to see her. Of course my husband has to drive me because I can no longer drive. I also have some health issues that have hindered me. I have a herniated disc in my back and I can't walk very far. My husband went to the via tech football game today and I couldn't go because of the walking. I can't get out in stores to shop or go to amusement parks with my grandkids. I am also a diabetic and a year ago I went into kidney failure and almost died. I have to work around several things in my life to find happiness but I will just have to do that and accept it. Its not too late for you to live some of those dreams. It may come a little later in life than what you planned.
by Silver Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 4:03 PM

I have suffered from depression since childhood (I am now in my early 30's). I came from an abusive, dysfunctional inside and outside my home. That trend continued into my adulthood. I currently look very tired with wrinkles under my eyes along with bags. I also have these creases around my mouth. I use to look so youthful but now I look ran down. There are days that I don't want to get out of bed. My self-esteem and self-confidence has suffered due to the verbal and physical abusive I have been subjected to over the years in addition to be sick twice, losing two jobs and my cars and apartments. I plan on picking up my referral for therapy on Monday. I just want to talk to someone so that I can work through my issues and feel better. Because I don't have any family or friend support. I am all alone. I feel like a failure in so many aspects of my life.

Learning and new chances are lifelong. Please don't give up on being happy and fulfilled. It is not too late for you to pursue your dreams.

by Silver Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 4:55 PM
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I've suffered from anxiety and depression since I was in my teens. 46 now. Anxiety and insomnia led me to take incompletes my senior year in high school....then I finished the next fall. It took me a long time to get through college; a lot of interruptions due to personal issues. I've worked various jobs but never stuck to one thing for too long due to anxiety and depression. I was my best when my older boys were young, up until I had my last son at 41. I then went through the worst depression of my life when he was about 2 and still suffer from left-over fatigue (he's 5 now). I work part time as a freelance writer and my marriage is pretty good, although we've had ups and downs over the years. I felt really well this past spring and summer but in the fall my anxiety and fatigue returned, so I'm struggling and switching meds. When I was super depressed for 3 years I looked drawn and sick. I look much better now and hope to never sink that low again. Oh, a lot of my problems stem from an abusive, traumatic childhood. I've lost a lot of the pleasures of life due to my depression and anxiety, so I understand how you feel. Glad you're doing better now.

by Silver Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 5:36 PM

 Hello and welcome..

by Bronze Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 7:50 PM
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You're not too old to have a new, better life.    Treatment is what makes that possible.   Don't declare you can't do it simply because of being 45.   That's the age when things really start to get good!

by Peggy on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:34 PM


by rho on Oct. 27, 2013 at 1:51 AM

 I have lost a due to bipolar disorder. I always had a dream of the perfect family. I had always planned on going to school to be an RN but that never happened. Between the bipolar and depression I think my son resents me because there was so many things I couldn't do but yet at the same time so many things I pushed myself to do. I have 3 great children that I can't say I neglected due to my depression and bipolar they was always fed, clean and food to eat.

I am lucky though I have a husband that has stood by me for over 30 years we have been married for 29 and been together for 31.

I now compisate what I missed out with my children with my grandchildren.

I have learned to quit saying if this wouldn't have happened I would have made my goals. I have been learning to cope and deal with the what could of been with what I can still do no that my meds are working for, for now.

Welcome to the group.

by Platinum Member on Oct. 27, 2013 at 2:05 AM

Welcome to the group.  : )

by Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 1:44 AM


    I am 63.      45 is young.

      You still have time to do all the things you have been dreaming about.

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