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ugh! I hate confrontation :(

Posted by on Nov. 1, 2013 at 9:37 PM
  • 11 Replies

I took my dd and my nephew to my nephews school for the harvest festival they were haveing.  well the road leading to the school lady was going slow down the middle of the road.  first chance I got I went around.  I wasnt even going that fast or anything.  we get to the school and she happens to park right next to me!  i get the kids out and she's like you know its not 80 on that road right?  i told her that shes supposed to stay on the same side of the road too, not down the middle.  she was like omg and you have kids in the car!  I told her and you need to mind your own business!  she just huffed and walked away.  I know I should have just ignored her but I didn't.  Idk why, I HATE any kind of confrontation.  I was so mad/upset that I was shakeing horribly.  idk why everytime i get angry I start shakeing bad and I can't just forget about it, i just keep playing it over and over in my head.  what is wrong with me?  any one else get like that?

Please don't bash, I know I should have just ignored her but I didn't. 

by on Nov. 1, 2013 at 9:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MichelleJ1000
by Member on Nov. 1, 2013 at 9:39 PM
1 mom liked this
You said what you needed to now just breathe and let it go.
luvmia
by Bronze Member on Nov. 1, 2013 at 9:51 PM

Hugs. I know what you mean. I don't have the best temperament so I tried to avoid confrontation. But when a nerve is struck I usually go full throttle. But on the other hand I feel like a chump if I don't stand up for myself. Either way I keep dwelling on the situation constantly. Sigh. I can only say that maybe some counseling with conflict resolution will help.

Kathy489
by Bronze Member on Nov. 1, 2013 at 10:03 PM

I do that, too. I always feel like I could have or should have said something a little differently that would have gotten the point across. Maybe it's a feeling of still wanting to get the last word. When people make you mad, it doesn't just go away, unlike the first poster said when she suggested that you just "let it go." It's not that easy. I understand totally because I do the same thing. The more I think about it, the madder I get. I know there are probably some strategies to follow to alleviate it, but I don't know what they are.

I took some classes in counseling one time as part of a college program I was in. I thought I wanted to be a school counselor at the time. Anyway, some of the questioning tecniques were effective at putting the ball in the other person's court, so to speak. For example, instead of getting defensive and trying to defend your position of passing the lady, you would play it like you were concerned for her position, like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were looking for an address," or "Was there something wrong with your car?" Not to say it sarcastically, but with (fake) concern. I say fake because I really wouldn't care. I would just be giving her the chance to defend herself instead of the other way around.

The other person attacked you when she said what she said, and that triggers a defensive response, know what I mean? Instead of letting her have that kind of control over you, turn it around so she is the one who has to defend herself. The reason I always kick myself and replay the scene over and over in my head is because I wish I would have followed up differently, and I get mad that I didn't. It always makes me mad that I didn't say what I wished I should have said.

MayBeeIAm
by on Nov. 1, 2013 at 10:52 PM
YES! I shake too!

Sorry that happened to you. Try not to get fixated on stuff like that. It's not worth it.
lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 6:55 AM
I always do exactly the same thing. And I can never find anything witty to say until after its over.
lucy164
by Platinum Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:04 AM

Driving slowly in the middle of the road is how you cause accidents.  I would have reacted like you did.  The woman doesn't know how to drive.  Don't feel bad about losing your temper.  Just say to yourself, " some people are just jackasses".

deltathree
by Gold Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 12:08 PM

 this & hugs....


Quoting MichelleJ1000:

You said what you needed to now just breathe and let it go.


 

B3autiful_Hat3
by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 3:42 PM

 Me too!!! HUGS

Tracys2
by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:29 PM

Yes, exactly like that! One reason I can't do customer service. I took about 10 CS calls in my former work, and I'd be shaking after anybody who was the slightest bit annoyed!

Rosebud333776
by Member on Nov. 3, 2013 at 10:59 AM
I agree that this woman triggered a defensive stance. She made a situation of confrontation very difficult. It is not easy to say what we would have wanted to in the midst of the moment.
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