Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

Dh says dealing with my depression is tiring for him

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 4:50 PM
  • 27 Replies

When I was great, he was great. But now that I'm having trouble again he's said "It gets tiring after 20 years." He really has nothing productive to say about the way I feel. He takes me to my psych appointments since I don't like driving in the city and will answer her questions about me. I just wish he'd be more involved somehow; it seems like there are things he could be doing to help....I feel like he's not that sensitive. Many years ago, when we were 1st together, he was. 

by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 4:50 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
lil_momma0911
by Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 4:59 PM
1 mom liked this
I know exactly how you feel. Im bipolar and have been with my now dh for ten years. I try not to come to him when i realize its all in my head. Or i have a friend that ive known for years that doesnt live close but ill text her and talk and just getting it out makes it almost bearable.
My dh knows that sometimes i just need to talk thru whats going on in my head or when to just hold me and let me

Remind him for better or worse. You need to communicate with him what you need.
Christa4924
by Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:07 PM
4 moms liked this

 That would bug me.  Does he think it's not tiring for you?  Tell him to just be glad that HE's not the one with the depression.  Then he'd know what tiring is.

kayandjsmom
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:16 PM
I see both sides. You do need support and he should give it. But him opening up and expressing that its tiring after so long is not wrong, imo. It does get to the people we're close to. I know I felt some guilt during my bad days because it was so obvious to my family. But if you feel like he should be doing more to help you, you should tell him what it is. If you don't even know, how can he? Good luck.
lucy164
by Peggy on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:22 PM

It's tiring for HIM?  I would say it's pretty tiring for you too.  My husband always drives me to my psych appointments too.  I don't think he's too happy about getting up early on those days but he does it.

weakestchimp
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:25 PM
1 mom liked this
im sorry coz saying that's just gonna make it worse.
mamawolf1103
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:29 PM
2 moms liked this

I am not trying to be insensitive, but I understand where your huband is coming from. My husband deals with depression, especially in the winter and around the holidays. I know logically that he isn't doing it on purpose and that he is trying hard to be there for the kids, but it does indeed get tiring. It is hard to deal with someone who is constantly negative and argumentative. I have days where I just want to go away, but I love him and stick with him. It does feel unfair to me that no matter what kind of day I have had his is always worse. Since he doesn't handle stress well I have to take care of most everything even when I am ill. I will bet he is very supportive of you or he wouldn't be with you after 20 years, but sometimes, I know I get tired and need a break. I often don't share things that bother me because I know it willupset him and that is a hard thing. He may not have anyone to confide his feelings to and is probably just weary.I wish you both luck however because I know how hard depression is to deal with from all sides

.

rhodaj
by rho on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:41 PM

 I know the feeling but my husband does sometimes try to help me out when my depression gets bad but his suggestions sometimes makes it worse or just some stupid comment. We have been married for 29 years so you would think it would be a little easier but I don't think some men know what to say or do after so many years of marrige.

momwriter
by Silver Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:41 PM
He was so happy when I was happy in the spring/summer and I don't think either of us expected me to go downhill again. I was not doing well for a couple of years straight before getting better this spring. But I'm not argumentative...just exhausted and desperately trying to find a way to get better. I talk to him about things like the depression maybe being seasonal and I wonder if I need to change meds and he says those conversations get old and tiring...Sigh. He doesn't want to constructively discuss my problems.
Quoting mamawolf1103:

I am not trying to be insensitive, but I understand where your huband is coming from. My husband deals with depression, especially in the winter and around the holidays. I know logically that he isn't doing it on purpose and that he is trying hard to be there for the kids, but it does indeed get tiring. It is hard to deal with someone who is constantly negative and argumentative. I have days where I just want to go away, but I love him and stick with him. It does feel unfair to me that no matter what kind of day I have had his is always worse. Since he doesn't handle stress well I have to take care of most everything even when I am ill. I will bet he is very supportive of you or he wouldn't be with you after 20 years, but sometimes, I know I get tired and need a break. I often don't share things that bother me because I know it willupset him and that is a hard thing. He may not have anyone to confide his feelings to and is probably just weary.I wish you both luck however because I know how hard depression is to deal with from all sides

.


mamawolf1103
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:54 PM
1 mom liked this

I know how hard it was for my husband to get any better. He was really bad for about 2 years before he got any kind of relief. I will tell you that it is tiring hearing the same conversation over and over even though i know that it is neccessary and important to have them. It is hard to watch someone you care about so tired and exhausted and down and be able to do nothing for them. Even on the meds that work for him, my husband gets some seasonal depression, he also went though Chemo this past year and had to change up meds. i would talk to your doctor and if he can't help you adjust meds or try new ones, get another opinion. Again, I hope things work out for you guys and you get some relief soon.

Quoting momwriter:

He was so happy when I was happy in the spring/summer and I don't think either of us expected me to go downhill again. I was not doing well for a couple of years straight before getting better this spring. But I'm not argumentative...just exhausted and desperately trying to find a way to get better. I talk to him about things like the depression maybe being seasonal and I wonder if I need to change meds and he says those conversations get old and tiring...Sigh. He doesn't want to constructively discuss my problems.
Quoting mamawolf1103:

I am not trying to be insensitive, but I understand where your huband is coming from. My husband deals with depression, especially in the winter and around the holidays. I know logically that he isn't doing it on purpose and that he is trying hard to be there for the kids, but it does indeed get tiring. It is hard to deal with someone who is constantly negative and argumentative. I have days where I just want to go away, but I love him and stick with him. It does feel unfair to me that no matter what kind of day I have had his is always worse. Since he doesn't handle stress well I have to take care of most everything even when I am ill. I will bet he is very supportive of you or he wouldn't be with you after 20 years, but sometimes, I know I get tired and need a break. I often don't share things that bother me because I know it willupset him and that is a hard thing. He may not have anyone to confide his feelings to and is probably just weary.I wish you both luck however because I know how hard depression is to deal with from all sides

.



hemanclub
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 5:54 PM
1 mom liked this

We'll look at it this way.  He is feeling depressed because you are depressed but he is not allowed to be depressed because it makes you feel worse.  That could be pretty frustrating.  I know you can't help it and he knows that but I'm sure he goes through periods were he takes it personally that he can't make you happy.  Sometimes when people are upset and sad it comes out as anger.  Give him the benefit of the doubt.  Not everyone can live with someone who suffers from depression and he has been with you for 20 years.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN