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Dh says dealing with my depression is tiring for him

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When I was great, he was great. But now that I'm having trouble again he's said "It gets tiring after 20 years." He really has nothing productive to say about the way I feel. He takes me to my psych appointments since I don't like driving in the city and will answer her questions about me. I just wish he'd be more involved somehow; it seems like there are things he could be doing to help....I feel like he's not that sensitive. Many years ago, when we were 1st together, he was. 

by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 4:50 PM
Replies (21-27):
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 16, 2013 at 7:52 AM
1 mom liked this
My dh has had that same attitude toward my depression for years. I think most men are "fixers" They see something they consider broken, like our happiness, and they want to fix it, but they can't.

I imagine it would be very tiring for my dh. I wish he could do more, but it's hard to help someone through depression if you haven't experienced it yourself.

I try to imagine if one of my children had a chronic illness. Well, one of mine did jar terrible asthmatic the first six years of life. Let me tell you I felt such a mix of emotions. Anger that I couldn't make him well. I was exhausted from missing sleep. Exhausted from being emotionally drained, frustrated that at three o'clock in the morning sometimes I was all he had and I didn't know what to do for him, to a point.

So try to be patient with him. Mental illness affects the entire family. When I'm in the middle of it I'm so selfish and then when I come out of it I'm like "wow I wish I could have been different" it's a delicate balance.

I hope this makes some sense. Hugs
by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 8:06 AM
2 moms liked this

It sounds like he is experiencing his own type of depression. He might need someone to talk to as well. Try not to be so hard on him. Ask him to tell you what is wrong with him and let him talk. It sounds like you need each other.

by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 18, 2013 at 2:48 PM
Focus on your healing raher than expecting him to be the source of strength for you.

Its a vicious cycle. You have to decide if you are going to deal with it even if he is not there for you in ways you feel he should be.

Its okay for people to say they are tired and have limits. Just come to terms that he is tired and seek help for you.

Depression is a cycle of isolation.. within ones self and it can cause others to feel isolated as well.

Part of the source of healing is considering others and stepping outside of our own pains to see others' pain.. isn't that funny? Its what you need from him and honestly he just can't give it to you right now. He is being honest at least.

Its understandable you would feel hurt. Its also equally understandable he would feel tired.

I hope you get support from others that are in a position to help you. :)
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 18, 2013 at 2:53 PM
Its not fair to expect your source of support to be on the shoulders of one person.

You have to want help regardless of the source.

My support has come through many different people at different times in seasons. Its life. Its made me less isolating and isolated.

Your depression is valid and needs attention.. just don't let it steal your show! :)
by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 2:58 PM

 For our spouses yes it is tiring. I have bi polar and my husband says he is in a war zone with never knowing what he was going to walk/wake up into. Yes they are there to support you but you are also there to support them. At least yours goes to therapy with you, I cant even get mine outside of the building where I go into therapy. This isnt a bash against you sweetie and I dont mean it to sound that way. But yes it is tiring for those around us as well as ourselves to deal with depression. We miss out on alot with our family and friends due to depression. See if you need medication or need to switch if you are getting worse or not getting better. group hug

Mommy to one angel, 1 crazy toddler and 1 on the way!!
by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 11:32 AM

I hate that! Mine's the same way. I'm sure it is hard for them, but not as hard as it is for us and then they make it worse by saying things like that. Hugs

by on Nov. 28, 2013 at 12:29 AM

I dont have anyone in my life due to my depression; everyone was sick of it. So or the last few years I just hope my husband comes back to me; but Ive just accepted I may be alone and lonely forever. I cry all day but nothing ever helps for me

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