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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

feeling out of sorts...

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:05 AM
  • 13 Replies
My husband and I (who is on disability) have been watching our two grandsons on Fridays for our son while he is at work. Son and the boys mom split up and he has them Friday - Sunday.

Last Sunday, my husband came down with bronchitis. He gets it pretty much every year and it really knocks him on his butt for a while. This means basically that I'm taking care of husband and the house and my little ones all week and I haven't been "myself" as it is... so son stopped by last Sunday to borrow gas money (again) and husband told him that he needs to find someone to watch the boys on Friday because he is sick and he can't help me take care of four kids all under the age of 6. Son says "yeah, yeah, ok" as he is walking out the door.

So son had 6 days to make arrangements. Friday comes along and he calls and asks if he can bring them and I said "hun, we told you on Sunday...." Well, he started yelling, getting kind of snotty saying we didn't tell him that.

My 18 yo was able to go over and watch the boys that day, she tried to defend us when he was telling his friends that we tried to basically screw him over, that we tried to "play" him...

I don't understand what I've done to make him think this way about me. We used to be so close. We had such a close bond, I thought he knew that I would never do anything to "screw" him over, but he honestly thinks I'm lying and he is telling people that.

I love him. I love my grandsons. For a long time I had to beg him to bring them over, but they were mad because we couldn't babysit all the time or they were busy, usually with the other grandparents.

I can't tolerate loud noises and I was having panic attacks and I was afraid. But he seems to thinks I'm lying. This isn't how I wanted it to be, I'd give anything to feel like I did just 5 years ago.

For a long time I watched those babies grow up on facebook and I'm scared it's going to be like that again all because my husband was sick this weak and my son is so hardheaded and wasn't listening to us.

I've been crying all weekend, triggered a darn migraine and I can't sleep again. Here I thought I was feeling better. Right back to where I was a year ago. My husband is so angry with him,

So sorry for rambling :(
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 2:05 AM
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Replies (1-10):
PurpleCupcake
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 5:46 AM

It sounds like he has his own issues and he is just lashing out at you because you make an easy target. 

And he probably has no clue as to what anxiety means for you. People who don't have it never understand. 

Time will heal this...Plus I think he needs you...so he will be back. 

3kidz123
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 8:09 AM
1 mom liked this

Deep breathe!

You are taking your son's feeling on as your own truth and they are NOT! They are his feelings. Take a min and relize that he is his own person, these are HIS feelings, he is allowed to feel them. Repeat this a few times and then let it go. 

You can't do anything about yours sons feelings or your husband being sick, those moments have passed and now you need to move forward. Call your son and tell him your sorry your husband was sick and you look forward to seeing the boys this week, then just go from there. Chances are he is still bringing them over so don't think about the what ifs, focus on the now.

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 9:32 AM
1 mom liked this

 i have a daughter who has done me the same way. i have grown to understand that she is always going to be that way to me. she is very disrespectful. i just keep my distance from her and see my grandkids when i can.

dmj1574
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 9:46 AM
Thank you both. I finally fell asleep. I`m breathing now :)
Looking at my post...Well that was a big old rambling mess. I have a huge problem with brushing things off and moving on. It would be so much easier if I would just say what I feel when I feel it and not hold everything in.

I hate confrontation, I hate anyone thinking bad of me. And it breaks my heart that my son's thinks I'd lie to him to avoid babysitting my grandbabies or that I don't want to watch them. But you are right, I can only control me and work on me.

Thanks again :)



HopeAlive
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 12:06 PM
1 mom liked this

Aww, I'm so sorry to hear about your rough weekend, friend. That doesn't sound easy. :( I can hear how much you love your son and grandsons! And I'm sure those little guys are so lucky to have you as their grandma.

Also, as I read your post, I thought of this article series that might be helpful to you... I'm not pretending to know all of your circumstances, of course, but I just thought you may be able to glean some advice or insight from them. I hope they help! :)

dmj1574
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:04 PM
Hmmm... Thank you for these articles. I've been "paddling his canoe" by helping with gas and food money... we even gave him the money to get his apartment to help get on his feet after the break up with the boys mommy.

It's hard to stop being mommy I guess and he knows it. Thank you again.


Quoting HopeAlive:

Aww, I'm so sorry to hear about your rough weekend, friend. That doesn't sound easy. :( I can hear how much you love your son and grandsons! And I'm sure those little guys are so lucky to have you as their grandma.


Also, as I read your post, I thought of this article series that might be helpful to you... I'm not pretending to know all of your circumstances, of course, but I just thought you may be able to glean some advice or insight from them. I hope they help! :)

leahbeah143
by Leah on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:24 PM

 *hugs*

I'm sorry, but it sounds like he's taking advantage of you :-( I know that he's your son and you love him, but he has no right to yell at you or disrespect you, especially if you are doing him a favor by helping him with money and baby-sitting. He had plenty of time to get other arrangements made, and him going around talking shit about you is not ok.

lucy164
by Peggy on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:28 PM


Quoting lyrick24:

 i have a daughter who has done me the same way. i have grown to understand that she is always going to be that way to me. she is very disrespectful. i just keep my distance from her and see my grandkids when i can.


mamalena137
by Member on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:39 PM

Sorry he made you feel bad. It does sound like he expects mommy and daddy to do for him whenever he needs it. As my mom always told my brothers and I, "we can't always keep you from falling, but we can be there when you pick yourself up". He needs to be a grown up and realize that.

dmj1574
by on Jan. 13, 2014 at 1:47 PM
I know. In my head, I know.



Quoting leahbeah143:

 *hugs*


I'm sorry, but it sounds like he's taking advantage of you :-( I know that he's your son and you love him, but he has no right to yell at you or disrespect you, especially if you are doing him a favor by helping him with money and baby-sitting. He had plenty of time to get other arrangements made, and him going around talking shit about you is not ok.

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