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What do you do when you're disappointed?

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 6:05 PM
  • 8 Replies

The One Thing You're Doing Now That's Making You Feel Like a Failure


by Kristen Chase 

Instead of expectations, try acceptance I tend to have expectations that are much too high for other people (and, heck, even for myself), and all they ever lead to is a whole lot of disappointment.

But the truth is, just telling myself to lower my expectations doesn't work either, because let's face it: if you expect something, you may be setting yourself up for failure.

So lately, I've been trying a new approach introduced to me by my therapist that I think is pretty darn smart. Maybe it will work for you too.

Of course, my column is no replacement for actual therapy, but if you're in need of a little change in your point of view, you might just like what she had to say. I certainly did.

When you impose your own often unrealistic expectations on someone else, no matter how low or basic they might be, you're not only setting yourself up for disappointment -- you're also giving the other person nowhere to go but down.

Sure, they could exceed your expectations, but that's rare. That's not betting on the house. And when it comes to my own feelings, I want as sure of a bet as possible.

So what she suggested was accepting rather than expecting.

Yes, it's just that simple.

Ha. Hahahaha. Okay, not really, but wow, it really does work.

When you go into a situation with the attitude of acceptance, you can't really be disappointed, which always, at least for me anyway, leads to frustration, annoyance, even hurt.

Instead, you allow the other person (or yourself) to be a human. You give them a clean slate. You force yourself to live in the now rather than your fantasy land, which is a total impossibility.

And because the "now" hasn't happened yet, you give yourself permission to enjoy it for what it is.

Just last week I tried this with my mom when I asked her to help me out with my kids. Instead of going in with the expectation that she could take them exactly when I needed her to, I erased that from my mind and decided that whatever she could do, I would accept.

Turns out, she couldn't do everything I asked for, but she could do part of it. And rather than being frustrated, I was actually pretty thankful.

Look, it takes work. A lot of work. But if you're like me and always seem to get your feelings hurt, try this technique. You might find that you're happier. And your relationships are better.

What do you do when you're disappointed?

 

Image via HoriaVarlan/Flickr

by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 6:05 PM
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Replies (1-8):
leahbeah143
by Leah on Feb. 5, 2014 at 6:23 PM

It depends on the situation, but I tend to mope when I'm disappointed. 

matreshka
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:16 PM
I'm dissapointed in myself a lot and end up getting really down on myself I'm working on accepting myself where I'm at and its helping little by little.
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Tracys2
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:24 PM

I get disappointed a lot, because I don't realise I'm expecting something at all, but I keep hoping. Even if I know I am expecting too much and tell myself "there is no way you will get a job doing that" or "she won't call" or "he won't remember to bring that home" (all of which are logical), I still get disappointed when it doesn't happen. Then I spend a lot of time trying to accept it and not be disappointed, or even be happy with what I have (such as a bad present).

Atill, as much as I rationally "bracket" my experiences with acceptance and try to be happy and accepting, I still get really down on myself for messing things up and hoping too much. It's like the emotions of hope and disappointment are working against reason.

rhodaj
by rho on Feb. 6, 2014 at 6:37 AM

 I pout like a child. I have been so dissapointed in my husband saying we was going some where and then he tells me you read to much in it. I meant I was looking. So I have told him not to say anything about doing something unless he plans on doing it

zboys
by Gold Member on Feb. 6, 2014 at 8:52 AM

Plant a new little tree and watch for new growth.  I'm speaking metaphorically.

lyrick24
by Group Admin on Feb. 6, 2014 at 9:01 AM

 usually cry.

lucy164
by Peggy on Feb. 6, 2014 at 10:58 AM


Quoting zboys:

Plant a new little tree and watch for new growth.  I'm speaking metaphorically.


KimmyPoo
by Bronze Member on Feb. 6, 2014 at 12:47 PM
Cry
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