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hysterectomy & depression

Posted by on Mar. 9, 2014 at 9:15 PM
  • 14 Replies

So i have overcome sooooo much in my short 25 yrs - i wasmolested by a brother, raped by my first 2 boyfriends (starting at age 13 and lasting until age 16 -  i was so scared to leave them because they also beat the shit out of me and i was so young i didn't know what to do) then after i broke up with the last one one of his friends raped me and my job... i overcame all that and i was doing so well.... BUT then in 2012 they told me i couldn't have anymore kids (i'm married to a wonderful man and have a son and a daughter) but because of health issues they said i needed to tie my tubes. so i did. But i was ok with it, because if my health issues ever got better i could reverse it... but last week i had to see a surgeon to discuss a hysterectomy. im devastated. I cry when ever i see my facebook friends and family posting about their pregnancies. It breaks my heart. I'm soooooo devastated :( I was invited to a friend of my moms baby shower this saturday - 2 days before my hysterectomy. I told her i couldn't do it. i couldn't go she got mad and said i'm being mean and irrational. She has never really been a mom, my sister - who is 9 years older than me pretty much raised me up until she abdoned me for drugs (she has since made her life better and is married to a wonderful man they own their own business. and our kids are the same age) but my mom is still acting like a friend not a mom. which i'm used to. I have 2 mother in laws who are moms to me... different issues lol... anyways. Have any of you one here experiened this whole emotional rollercoster that is a hysterecomy?

by on Mar. 9, 2014 at 9:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
leahbeah143
by Leah on Mar. 9, 2014 at 9:20 PM
Hugs! I haven't, but a good friend had one about a year ago and she really struggled with it.
SandyLaxner
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 9:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry that you have gone thru all that.  I had my total hysterectomy in 2010 at the age of 45.  I had chronic pelvic pain as my ovary on the left was stuck to my bowel and pelvic sidewall.  So,I was so happy to get that pain over with.  I was 42 when I had my 1st and only kiddo,so I was not having another,but I still wish thatI could have had more children.  It is so hard.  be kind to yourself.  I did suffer from hot flashes,night sweats the day after the surgery,did some time on Estrogen,now a few yrs without it and little symptoms.  Good luck hun.  I hope that the hysterectomy can help whatever health problems you have.

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 4:08 AM
2 moms liked this

 i have never had to experience that. but if you want more kids and you are facing a hysterectomy i imagine that would be a pretty hard thing. but remember, there are a lot of babies out here in the world who are looking for someone to love them and i think you have a lot of love to give.

lucy164
by Peggy on Mar. 10, 2014 at 7:51 AM


Quoting lyrick24:

 i have never had to experience that. but if you want more kids and you are facing a hysterectomy i imagine that would be a pretty hard thing. but remember, there are a lot of babies out here in the world who are looking for someone to love them and i think you have a lot of love to give.

I agree with lyrick

Mackiesgg
by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 4:18 PM

hugs


Nai_Nai
by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 9:13 PM

thanks guys. I know my mom cares, i mean heck she is taking time off on monday for me. But she gets mad when i tell her that I just cant be around pregnant people. Like i have  cousin who keeps popping th kids out. seeing her post about her pregnany makes me mad :( I know its irrational, but I want my mom to support me and least be a shoulder i can lean on, but she doesn't sem to understand. She said "you don't see me bithing beause I want a hysterectomy and they wont give me one becase they don't want me to bleed out. Get over it!." She had a pulmanary embolisum (I think i spelled that alllll wrong lol) and her results came back that she has factor 5 - a desease that makes her blood really thick, so she has to take blood thiner. I feel like Im losing the part of me that makes me a woman. I think that unreasonable. but i can't help but feel that way. My mother has never been a real mom to me; She has a couple different mental problems including depression but thats the only one she will admit. ut as kid she was never around, and she was ALWAYS yelling at me an my sister. Then she went bckk to school and got  degree to be a drug and alcohol therapist. and the moment she got her first job, my sister who is 9 years older than me had to take care of me. But she married a horrible drugie and she dithed me for him an heroin... so from the age of 11 on I raised myself. My sister hanged her life around, is married to a wonderful man and is doing amazing. My mom is doing much better too. and my dad finally got a job where he is home everynight, ut i still feel like I am alone with it omes to my family. :( i'm so thankful that i have you all your support means so much to me

srltb143
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 9:43 PM

Wow, you have been through so much, I am so sorry.  I have not had a hysterectomy, but kinda wish I had.  I, like you, had to have my tubes tied due to health problems.  While pregnant with my youngest I developed blod clots on my lungs (bilateral pulmonary emboli) and was told in no uncertain terms that I would never be able to have anymore children-reversing it is not an option-having another child would likely kill me and probably the baby as well. I know that this is an incredibly emotional thing for you to have to go through, and my thoughts and  prayers are with you.  I know that some people don't look at it as being the same, but if you and your husband should decide you want another child there is always the option of adopting....a hysterectomy does not have to mean that you are completely without choices.  Good luck, I hope things get easier, and again, I am so sorry you are having to go through this.

Nai_Nai
by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 9:48 PM

thanks guys. adoption has been on my mind alot lately. there are soooo many kids out there tht need loving homes. its not something we can do anytime soon, espcially in the next couple years, but maybe in a few years, we might adopt. :) I really appreciate all your thoughts and prayers guys. Thank you

CherrieFaeries
by Member on Mar. 11, 2014 at 1:06 AM
I had a partial hyster in 2007. I fought for two years to keep my uterus, but when my second to last option was ending up in surgery anyway, I told them to take it. I was done fighting. I don't remember the medical terms for what was wrong, but my uterus never shrunk down below the size of a 3 month pregnancy after I had my son. I'd already had my tubes tied, but this was permanent. No IVF in the future. I would never feel pregnant again. I hated it. Babies, pregnancies, and the like were very hard...sometimes they still are. But I too have heterogenous factors 2 & 5 mutations. I too am on blood thinners like your mom, have been since 2010. I should not have survived either of my pregnancies, nor should they have survived me. It's not easy. You're not being irrational. It's a death of sorts. You have to go through denial, anger, acceptance, bargaining, and depression...not in that order. There is a site called hyster sisters. Google them and check them out. They helped me some in the beginning. GL mama.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 21, 2014 at 3:14 PM

I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that hun :( hugs!! In 2009 I had a hysterectomy after my third child. I was 21. I didnt have time to think about it or come to grips with it because I was hemorraging right after. I couldnt even hold my son that I just gave birth to because I was immediately taken to the O.R. Broke my heart completely. After surgery I was happy to be alive but once the reality set in, I was an emotional wreck. Since I lost so much blood I couldnt breast feed like I wanted, which made the situation even worse! His dad had to feed him, watched the nurse give him his first bath. I hurt so much to miss all that. The first 2 years was really bad. I couldnt watch ANYTHING that had to do with pregnancy or babies without crying. It has gotten better but, as soon as people around me or that i know are pregnant or just had a baby, I cant help but to think about it. What makes it worse is that people say "well at least you have kids" That was/is not comforting at all, because it was not my decision. Anyway, what helped me alot is writing down that day start to finish how it played out, my feelings and why I it hurt so much. Since then I have had more good days even months than bad. My son is 4 now but there is still a void there. He is def more attached to his dad and that hurts but hopefully that will get better. 

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