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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center


Posted by on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:44 PM
  • 5 Replies

My ex and I are in the process of trying to reconcile.  The last time we got back together we took a brand new apartment, bought all new furniture.  New start all new, he told me.  Well it didn't last long, and last August he forced me to leave my beloved home.

December we started talking again.  I refused to go to the apartment, knowing it would only hurt not seeing my things there etc.  Well three months later I have been there a few times.  To say I feel uncomfortable is an understatement.  In addition I get angry seeing all the things I left behind as well as the changes that have been made since I left. (New Paint color, some new furniture since I took some it and my kitchen rearranged). 

I tell myself it's just an apartment, but that doesn't seem to help.  In addition, my ex says he understands that I feel uncortable, but I don't think he really gets it.  So the question I pose is how do I get over feeling so uncomtable there, (If we do reconcile, that would be "home" again). And two, how do I get him to understand and help me through these feelings??

by on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:44 PM
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by rho on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:57 PM

 All I know to to tell you is maybe by putting some of your old stuff back in there and doing some of your own personal touches you may feel more comfortable there if you move back in.

I'm not sure how to get him to understand and help you through your feelings besides just keep talking about them with him.

by on Mar. 21, 2014 at 8:29 PM

I don't have a lot of suggestions. Maybe working on something together, something meaningful that you could use as an anchor, even a large new family pic.... to remind you that this is a work in progress for the both of you.

Never been in the situation myself, but I know it would be upsetting

by Ruby Member on Mar. 22, 2014 at 12:48 AM

 can you go somewhere else and see him besides the apt? just avoid going there until you know if you two are going to reconcile. if you do, put your touches on it and make it your own.

by Peggy on Mar. 22, 2014 at 7:38 AM

I've never been in that type of situation so I don't know if I can tell you anything worthwhile.  My thoughts are that your uncomfortable feelings about your home could be because of your on and off relationship with this man.  Maybe once your relationship is on firm ground, the apartment will start to feel like home again.

by on Mar. 22, 2014 at 7:54 AM

Thanks for some good advice ladies.  Maybe I am just rushing the whole process and not giving myself enough time.  I have only been there to visit 4 times in the past two weeks after being out since August. There is no rush to move back in, although I would like to since I hate saying good night at the end of the night, but history has proven that we need to take out time and work our issues before doing such.  We are both in therapy separately which we hope will lead to couples theropy together. He does try to make me feel comfortable, even offered me the keys back which I declined. I started making a list of the things that I would want to buy or change back to the way it was before thinking that might help.

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