How can I get my SO to help me out...
Without him feeling like I'm "attacking" him?
First a little history...
We've been together for about 4 1/2 years now. We have a 3 year old and a 9 month old. We seperated briefly, once, about 2 years ago. (Because of the same issues we're having today) We live in a 5 bedroom 4 bath house with his sister, BIL and nephew. The sides of our house are for the most part seperate but connected by the mud room. We have our own kitchen (that only I cook in).
I'm really up for any kind of suggestions because talking isn't cutting it. You can talk until you're blue in the face but unless there is understanding and action following the talking its worthless. I have anxiety and am pretty sure that I'm bi-polar. I think some of this is connected with a thyroid problem because I have all the symptoms, am hoping to find out soon (wednesday).
He works from 4am to 1 or 5 pm. He does not play with our 3 year old at all. I am totally consumed with our 9 month old since he will only hold her for about 10 minutes tops then either hands her to me or sets her in her walker. Soo he doesn't play with her either. Dinner time is the most stressful. We do sit down at our dining room table but it's always yelling at the 3 year old to "Quit messing around and just eat!" He's 3. We argue quite often about parenting. I'm the more gentle, hands on, lets explain instead of yell parent. He's more strict and WAY less patient.
I'm tired of the lack of patience. I'm tired of him never wanting to interact with his children, instead sitting down for hours watching TV. I'm tired of being the only one who does laundry or cares to pick clothes up off the floor. Or hand wash the dishes. Poop. I'm tired of poop. Since I'm the only one who can stomach a poopy diaper or wipe a poopy butt. I'm tired of diapers. He hasn't changed a diaper since... I can't remember. He also forgets, a lot. I pack him lunch for work that just sits in the fridge. Important papers that need to be mailed lay around. Mail goes unopened. ETC.
Might sound shitty but I blame his mother. And father. I so strongly believe that the way you were raised effects the way that you parent. And when his mom comes around he's different. He acts like he's better than me and that he's embarassed of the things I say. And I don't think he does it purposly but there are times I say something and he makes me feel stupid, dumb. He obviously trusts his mom with his life, our kids lives. But I don't. I don't know her enough to. (live far away) She is well I don't say this being mean (because she has been nice to me) but she's ditsy... And now they're looking to moving here to our state... and looking at a house directly across the street.
When his family is around he neglects his own. He'll put everyone else first, then the kids and I.
A relationship and/or marriage is suppose to be a team! We for right now are anything but. Everytime I bring issues up he takes stabs at me saying "Well you do this..." It frustrates me and then I can't focus on what I want to talk about. Conversation over.
My mom says therapy. And I'm starting to think it's the only thing that will save us. I'm tired and emotionally burned out because I put so much into all this.
I know I need to be on new medication for anxiety, bi-polar and probably thyroid. But medication can only do so much. I need to be in a healthier more helpful environment. Anyone have any suggestions on how I can get him to help me out more with the kids? So that he doesn't feel like I'm attacking him?