Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

Why can't I do anything right?

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2014 at 1:48 AM
  • 19 Replies

It's a really long story and very hard to explain but I've got my husband and my son really pissed at me.  I try to do the right thing and it always ends up being wrong!  I try to help, and I make things worse!!!  Why?  Why do I do this?  I don't even really know what I've done wrong sometimes, but it just ends up being wrong.  I am home alone they are both out of town for work.  I cannot sleep and I just cry.  I hope I haven't royally screwed things up, I hope it isn't as bad as it seems.  If I have completely screwed things up they may never forgive me and I might have effed up 30 years of marriage.  I told my husband tonight we didn't stay married for 30 years for this to screw it up.  I talked to him before and he was less pissed, but probably still pissed.  If things work out, it will be O.K., but if it doesn't work out, I can't even think about how things will be.  I am praying for the best.  Why do I get blamed when I didn't even really do anything wrong?  There is a lot of blame to go around, but I "stirred the pot" so it's my fault. 

by on Jun. 26, 2014 at 1:48 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mollymolly
by on Jun. 26, 2014 at 1:52 AM

Well, it's hard to figure out the situation w/o knowing all of the details, but just from  your post, it almost sounds as if you're being blamed for things that you have no control over, or things that you shouldn't be blamed for.  Hang in there.  I really hope that things get better for you.  Btw, I'm sure that there are a LOT of things that you do right.  You're just not seeing them right now.  (((hugs)))

bambismom
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 1:57 AM
1 mom liked this

 Exactly, I didn't create the mess.  I tried to fix it, but it didn't work.  Thank you for the hugs. 

Quoting mollymolly:

Well, it's hard to figure out the situation w/o knowing all of the details, but just from  your post, it almost sounds as if you're being blamed for things that you have no control over, or things that you shouldn't be blamed for.  Hang in there.  I really hope that things get better for you.  Btw, I'm sure that there are a LOT of things that you do right.  You're just not seeing them right now.  (((hugs)))

 

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 2:31 AM

 id just give them a little time to get over it. it might be best that they are out of town right now. take that time to relax and get your thoughts together. im sorry you are going through this. i know  how simple misunderstandings can blow up  sometimes. im sure your husband and son love you very much and will see that you were only trying to help.

bambismom
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 3:02 AM

 I know I haven't explained this but it's just complicated.  I will know better in a day or two if it is going to be O.K. or if I really messed it up.  If I screwed this up, they may never forgive me or it will take a VERY long time.  You can't sleep either? 

Quoting lyrick24:

 id just give them a little time to get over it. it might be best that they are out of town right now. take that time to relax and get your thoughts together. im sorry you are going through this. i know  how simple misunderstandings can blow up  sometimes. im sure your husband and son love you very much and will see that you were only trying to help.

 

Memere60
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 7:48 AM

I went through something similar with one of my brothers. It happened 4 years ago, and we haven't spoken since the misunderstanding took place. He's a bully, even as an adult. I finally had to just let it go. How do you reason with someone who won't let you talk? In your case, it's a lot worse, because it's your husband and son. So sorry. Hope things work out. Let us know. P.S. You sound like me, beating yourself up over things that aren't your fault. You've been married for 30 years, and this is how you are treated? You must be a nervous wreck, walking on eggshells all the time.. Hang in there.hugs

bambismom
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 8:05 AM

 That's terrible, I'm sure it wasn't anything that bad that warranted not speaking to you.  I just have to hope that my son is overreacting and that things will be O.K.  My husband and I had a civilized conversation and he says it will work out, but I still feel like he's pissed, and if it doesn't work out he definitely will be pissed.  I hope this is resolved before the weekend, but it might not be.  I do walk on eggshells, not just about the things that are going on right now but about other things.  I know we've been married for 30 years but that doesn't mean things are perfect.  There are things I've learned to put up with,one of them is to just avoid subjects that might piss my husband off, unless it's really important to talk about.  I just hope that my  son and my husband got a decent night's sleep last night because they are the ones working.  I didn't sleep, but I don't have to work so it isn't as big of a deal. 

Quoting Memere60:

I went through something similar with one of my brothers. It happened 4 years ago, and we haven't spoken since the misunderstanding took place. He's a bully, even as an adult. I finally had to just let it go. How do you reason with someone who won't let you talk? In your case, it's a lot worse, because it's your husband and son. So sorry. Hope things work out. Let us know. P.S. You sound like me, beating yourself up over things that aren't your fault. You've been married for 30 years, and this is how you are treated? You must be a nervous wreck, walking on eggshells all the time.. Hang in there.hugs

 

lucy164
by Platinum Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 8:14 AM

Why do you take all the blame for this on yourself?  Unless you have robbed a bank or murdered someone, what could you have done for them to treat you this way?  Your son has probably taken his fathers lead.  They both sound like critical people.  Would your husband go to couples therapy with you?  Do you see your own therapist who would help you with these issues?  I'm really sorry that you are being this way because you absolutely don't deserve it.

At one point early in our marriage, my husband acted just like yours, getting mad all the time for absolutely nothing.  I took this for a while but one day I yelled at him and demanded he stop treating me like that.  And like a lot of bullies he backed right down when stood up to.  He has been fine ever since.  This would not work on everyone because if your husband  has been abusing you for 30 years ( you didn't say when the abuse started ) it might be very ingrained in him.  If so please go the therapy way.  Love and hugs.

bambismom
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 8:28 AM

 It's just a really stressful situation and every time I try to help with something I screw it up.  My husband is really a good person and I probably should have said something many years ago about him getting mad.  There are just certain subjects I avoid.  If we can survive this (depending on what happens) I think we can get through just about anything.  When I talked to him last night I kept saying "why is this my fault?"  and he didn't rub it in that it was my fault.  He said it would be O.K. and I hope he is right.  I have a counselor appointment on Tues., and I really hope this is resolved and done by then.  I will talk to her about blaming myself.  I think I said earlier there are a lot of factors that went into this and enough blame to go around and if things would have been done right to begin with this would not have happened.  I just wish things wouldn't have gotten effed up then there wouldn't have been anything for me to try to fix.  Thank you for listening.   

Quoting lucy164:

Why do you take all the blame for this on yourself?  Unless you have robbed a bank or murdered someone, what could you have done for them to treat you this way?  Your son has probably taken his fathers lead.  They both sound like critical people.  Would your husband go to couples therapy with you?  Do you see your own therapist who would help you with these issues?  I'm really sorry that you are being this way because you absolutely don't deserve it.

At one point early in our marriage, my husband acted just like yours, getting mad all the time for absolutely nothing.  I took this for a while but one day I yelled at him and demanded he stop treating me like that.  And like a lot of bullies he backed right down when stood up to.  He has been fine ever since.  This would not work on everyone because if your husband  has been abusing you for 30 years ( you didn't say when the abuse started ) it might be very ingrained in him.  If so please go the therapy way.  Love and hugs.

 

leahbeah143
by Leah on Jun. 26, 2014 at 9:21 AM

*hugs*

I hope everything turns out ok!

buckle
by on Jun. 26, 2014 at 9:28 AM

I have found out the hard way, just like you, that if it's not my mess.....let it be.

I don't know the specifics of the situation and have read all of the replies.  Sometimes our loved ones learn more if we have faith in their ability to "fix" their own mess.  It's not always easy since you love them, but you have to trust them.

Just tell the guys that your heart was in the right place, but from now on you trust them and will not interfer.  However, you will be available if they would like a sounding board, but not to "fix".

It is hard and on the other hand, it is better and very uplifting.  Good luck.  Now get some sleep.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)