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Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies
I grew up in a chaotic household. My mother wasn't maternal and my dad and I didnt have a great relationship till years later. I rushed and married my husband ma y years ago. I never experienced the single life milestones such as dating and living on my own. Ive always mentally checked out and compared my life to others and felt a hatred of myself. Many years ago I found out my husband cheated on me with someone I knew. For years he has been a great husband provider and there for me when I sink into my modes of depression. My kids think im mean because im tired from lack of sleep due to working odd shifts. I sometimes think my family will be better without me. I feel like a failure. Sometimes I can. Be difficult to live with. Im disorganized messy late and I HATE me as a person and it kills me that I can't be the mom and wife they want me to be. My husband feels lime ive mentally checked out of the marriage. He is a good man and I think my bitterness will cause him pain. Im a bitter person. I am genuinely a nice person. Im at a loss for words.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 18, 2014 at 9:20 AM
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by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 10:17 AM

((((((HUGS))))))))) mama!  I am sorry you are so exhausted and feeling like a failure.  I think you're being too hard on yourself.  We're all only human and we can only do so much.  Not everybody can say they have a "good man,"  hold onto him!!  If you are normally a nice person, sounds like some counseling may help?  Both individual and marriage counseling.   Do you have to work so many hours?  Sounds like you really need some quality time with your kids.   Please get the thought out of your head that they are better off without you, because they are not!!  They need you!   How about medication, do you take any?  There are ways for you to help yourself, you just have to find them.  hugging

by Peggy on Jul. 18, 2014 at 11:17 AM

How can you possibly think that your family would be better off without you?  Who would love your children as much as their mom would.  So what if you're grouchy.  We all are at some time.  I agree with bambismom the you should try to cut down on your hours at work if possible.  You have a good husband.  My house is kind of messy too and I don't care.  Love and Hugs.

by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 18, 2014 at 11:43 AM

 I would suggest you go see a psychiatrist and get some help for your depression and self hatred.  I have no doubt you are a very lovable person who has a lot to offer and give to're just in a slump and need some help out of the hole. 

 And honestly, from what you wrote, it sounds like you would also benefit from ADHD medicine.  It really can help with the organizational issues that you mentioned. 

Please do yourself a favor and get some outside help so you can feel better about yourself and help fix some of the problems you mentioned. 

Hugs and best wishes to you.  :)

by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 11:47 AM
(Hugs). Going to work and trying to keep things together doesnt sound like failure. People with depression do not do well with odd hours or the graveyard shift. I just think that you need a job with day shift hours. Also have you considered talking with your doctor about how you are feeling? He or she may prescribe an antidepressant so that you can at least feel more normal and better. As far as your marriage, you may want to consider counseling. It sounds like you are taking more of the blame of what is not right in your marriage than you should. As women we tend to think that we are suppose to hold everything together in a relationship as if we are the only ones in it. And if our husbands cheat, we believe it is our fault. When this act happens, it has to do with what is lacking in themen not the women.

I hope things get better for you and your family. Please take some time out to do nice things for yourself. Trust me, it will make a world of difference in how you feel about yourself and circumstances.
by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 2:16 PM


by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 2:17 PM
hun...focus on being yourself & them...use kind will feel better all round....they will too...
i know stress & disabilities take a what he did is still hurting and angering sorry
by Group Admin on Jul. 18, 2014 at 3:25 PM

are you seeing a therapist? I think they could help you a lot with a lot of your issues. Please get some help. 

by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 3:35 PM

Oh, my heart goes out to you, friend. And please don't be so hard on yourself-I'm sure your family loves you more than you know and you're not a failure! But I totally understand it's easy to sink into moments of feeling like that-especially if you struggling with any sort of depression.  So, as others mentioned, if you haven't done this already, it might be helpful to speak with a counselor about what you're going through right now. Perhaps even consider some marital counseling-particularly if you feel like you're still struggling to move past your husband's affair. And I think that will show him you're serious about working on your relationship. So, just a thought. In the meantime, I'll definitely be praying for you. ((Hugs))!

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