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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

My story

Posted by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:40 PM
  • 11 Replies

I think i have suffered from depression since i was younger but i've always had a pretty good handle on it. I never met my real father until i was 17 and as it turns out he was a loser that really doesn't want a relationship with me. My step mother and one of my sisters from their marriage treats me horrible so i chose to cut ties. My mother was an abusive alcoholic for many years. Her and my step father have a daughter together that they treat like gold and me like the black sheep. My step father has 4 children from a previous marriage that he treats like gold as well..... So I started a family at a young age. Was married at 21 and we had our 1st child when i was 23. I am now 32 and we have four beautiful daughters. I married an attractive, fun adult/kid. Doesn't take a whole lot of responisiblity...loves to have his drinks. I am the home maker...bills...kids...house are all my responsibility.... he's a child at heart, selfish and a restless soul. But he was who i chose and i thought that some day we would meet in the middle and he would be what i NEED him to be. A man that takes care of me and the kids. But it has yet to happen. Every grown up decision, I have to make and it usually pushes him away from me and our children. About 3 years ago he wanted to have more adventure in our life so pushed me into a "swinger life style". I agreed to it because i thought it would make him happy. it ended with him going out on his own with this life style and i had a brief affair. We went to counseling and decided to stay together and we would NEVER do anything to hurt eachother like that again....i kept my promise! about a year ago I decided we needed a change and that we should move closer to family. So we did...he obviously did not like this idea...i found out 2 months ago that he was having an affair with his coworker for the past 5 months. This was the last straw in my long life of disappointments....it has broken me. I feel like my world is crashing down. I feel like everyone around me walks all over me and i just sit here and allow it to happen. I have tried anti-depressants but i hate them. They make me feel nothing...empty. I'm an emotional person and feeling nothing seems worse to me than feeling the pain i feel inside. I feel as though i am a burden on every one around me. I feel like my husband is with me out of obligation to our children and because he doesn't know how to responsibly take care of himself with out me. He says he's sorry and that he loves me. I want to believe him...but yet he has taken no action to prove his love to me. No sacrifice of any kind FOR ME....I'm still the one that keeps the bills organized and plans our date night and finds the sitters for the kids. He hasn't even attempted to quit his job....I hate that he still works with her and feel it is only a matter of time before this happens again. I have no self worth left...no self esteem...i have nothing to offer to anyone. I'm going to counseling individually and marriage counseling...i have joined this website...i am really trying to get better...but i feel so alone....i feel like a foolish blind loser. I dont know how to get better....I have even tried buying myself a whole new wardrobe...i have unintensionally lost 18lbs...I don't know what i am suppose to do as a mother...wife...woman...human being...help ladies....help

by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 12:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
alillonely
by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 1:47 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm really sorry to hear of your many disappointments and struggles! Has moving closer to family helped YOU? How about counseling--is it not helping? It appears you've been a member of this website only a couple days--get involved in the groups you've already joined, invite some moms to be friends and start talking! Hopefully you'll find it helpful, give you a sense of direction :)

hugs

happyolechimp
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 1:48 PM
1 mom liked this
hun...being a "black sheep"..myself for many years..i know it delpetes your self worth...& then even small things people do against me..anger & hurt...however...
your biggest problem is ..him...you should divorce him..put him out..only please yourself and allow no one to disrespect you to this level..ever..im so sorry you're having all this hurt
leahbeah143
by Leah on Jul. 18, 2014 at 1:51 PM

Big hugs!

MissMackiesgg
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 2:20 PM

welcome{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}


Amers9641
by New Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 2:54 PM

I've been a member of cafemom for about a month...i started by joining a few other groups on how to cope with infidelity...but now it's to the point where i need to work on myself. So i joined this join a few days ago. I have thought long and hard about leaving my husband....i feel like im fighting for something I want...not what WE want. I'm scared...we've been together since i was 18 years old...11 years of marriage and 4 children. Being closer to my family has been a comfort for ME....but it has destroyed US. Theropy is helping me to a point...it really is. I appreciate what my therapist says and the advise he gives....but i keep allowing my fears and doubts take over

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 3:04 PM

 you certainly have a lot on you. I'm glad you are going to counseling. I don't know what to tell you about your husband but that some men never learn to accept responsibility and to make that even worse he has cheated on you. You have every right to be very upset with him. I hope the marriage counseling is going to help. I wouldn't give him anymore chances after this.

lucy164
by Peggy on Jul. 18, 2014 at 3:51 PM

I agree with this and I'm sorry for your pain.


Quoting alillonely:

I'm really sorry to hear of your many disappointments and struggles! Has moving closer to family helped YOU? How about counseling--is it not helping? It appears you've been a member of this website only a couple days--get involved in the groups you've already joined, invite some moms to be friends and start talking! Hopefully you'll find it helpful, give you a sense of direction :)

hugs


alillonely
by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 4:31 PM

Is it possible for you and your husband and children to move away from family and his job? 

I also noticed mention of date night and sitters in your original post... Is this something you currently DO, go on dates together?

Quoting Amers9641:

I've been a member of cafemom for about a month...i started by joining a few other groups on how to cope with infidelity...but now it's to the point where i need to work on myself. So i joined this join a few days ago. I have thought long and hard about leaving my husband....i feel like im fighting for something I want...not what WE want. I'm scared...we've been together since i was 18 years old...11 years of marriage and 4 children. Being closer to my family has been a comfort for ME....but it has destroyed US. Theropy is helping me to a point...it really is. I appreciate what my therapist says and the advise he gives....but i keep allowing my fears and doubts take over


bambismom
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 4:57 PM

I am sorry you have so much stress and responsibility.  You are right, he never really grew up.  What happened with the marriage counseling?  Did it help him at all?  If you keep trying and that doesn't help, I wouldn't blame you if you kicked him, or left him.  Marriage is about give and take.  You are doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking, and that doesn't work.  He needs to give of himself and help you with the kids, the household chores.  You have come to the right place, the ladies here are really easy to talk to and have lots of wisdom.  hugging((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

Amers9641
by New Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 11:38 AM

Marriage counselling is going ok...but i feel like it gets us nowhere. I don't feel like he hears what the therapist is saying to him. There still has been no sacrifice on his part...no action taken to show me he is committed to me...leaving his job DOES NOT seem to be an option for him. I've tried telling, yelling, screaming, crying how much i hate that they still work together...but it gets me nowhere...he basically admits he would resent me if i force him to quit. I'm in love with a man that is unwilling to step outside his comfort zone for his wife. i'm sad all the time and i feel like a broken record with him...nothing i do or say changes anything or even seems to make a dent.

We go on dates...if i plan them and find the babysitter....

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