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It's already a hard day.

Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies
This is my first post in the group and I'm just going to jump right in.

I am battling depression lol obviously. I've started back up on my medication and have been back on it for a couple weeks. Ups and downs have been numerous.

On top of that my SO is an alcoholic. I've been thinking of going to an al anon meeting. Trying to get up the courage. We recently split and got back together. And are currently living with my dad.

Anyway my dad is a very negative person and does not agree with my decision to get back together with SO. SO has promised to cut back to two tall boys every other day. Idk if it will work but I love him and I have to hope tht it will.
My dad has been making negative remarks today. "He won't change, he came back on his terms " things like that.

I know I can't make him change. I know that cutting back doesn't always work for everyone. To me SO seems sincere. He doesn't want to quit cold turkey because he's scared of the detox symptoms. His father did detox and called him to ask him wht time his football game is. SO hasnt played football for years.

I just need someone who understands wht I'm going through. And some kind words of strength and motivation. And my stupid thumb won't hit the a button right.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 29, 2014 at 12:25 PM
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by Gold Member on Jul. 29, 2014 at 1:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I've never lived with an alcoholic but I know alcoholics.  I've never heard of anyone just being able to have a "couple" it doesn't work like that.   Others on here might have more experience in this area.  I do believe he's being sincere, but that's why it's addiction, you can WANT to quit but wanting it and being able to do it are two different things.  If I were you, I would tell him he needs to go hugsget clean, then you will be there waiting.  The al anon meeting is a great idea.  I know you're scared but I'm sure everybody that has gone there for the first time is scared too.  They should help you with how you go about this.   (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 29, 2014 at 1:08 PM
Thank you. I'm not going to leave him. Only if it gets bad like it was. I mostly just needed someone to listen
by Gold Member on Jul. 29, 2014 at 1:17 PM

 O.K., stay strong and tell him how much you love him and tell him you will help him through it.  It's obvious you care deeply for him. 

Quoting Anonymous: Thank you. I'm not going to leave him. Only if it gets bad like it was. I mostly just needed someone to listen


by Group Admin on Jul. 29, 2014 at 2:05 PM

 welcome to the group. I understand you wanting to get back with your so because you love him and want him to do well. You do need to go to the alanon meetings and try to get your so to go to aa meetings. If you have to, go with him. Why are you living with your dad? Do both you and your so have a job? I would get me a place of my own as soon as possible. Its always hard when you move back in with a parent.

by Leah on Jul. 29, 2014 at 3:48 PM

Not only is my mom in recovery (she's been sober since 98), but I dated a severe alcoholic for a few years and I know exactly what you're going through! I high reccomend Al-Anon- it really helped me understand and not feel so alone.

by Leah on Jul. 29, 2014 at 3:49 PM

also, welcome to the group :-)

by on Jul. 29, 2014 at 3:49 PM

I would listen to these ladies above me & go to the ala-non meetings. It will help you to understand alcoholism better & give you the support you are going to need as he goes thru the process. And these ladies are right -alcoholics generally aren't able to cut back,eventuually as much as they don't WANT to they use more than they thought they would. My bro-in-law is an alcoholic & tries to cut back & tries to drink the non-alcoholic beer but it always comes down to him using just as he was before. I also know these things cause I am a recovering alcoholic & I know how hard it is to quit. You can't quit for the person they have to be able to do it for themselves.They have to hit a personal bottom usually before they can finally quit drinking. I quit cause I almost lost my dh & my dd. It was enough of a bottom for me to get to to quit; I am sober since 2005.

by Peggy on Jul. 29, 2014 at 4:41 PM

There is a group on here that I think would help you.  PM me and I'll tell you  about it.

by Silver Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:44 AM
I am sorry you are going through that. I haven't been with an alcoholic before but I have seen the damage it does to families. I would go check out the al anon meeting and see I they can point you in the right direction on getting him clean and to be the best man possible.

As far as the splitting up and getting back together goes I have done that. And with a lot of family negativity behind it. My then husband (now ex husband/ current fiancé long story there if you want to know message me) and I split before we found out I was pregnant with dd and were fully divorced before she was born. Due to circumstances and things we chose to still live together so he could help with the baby and we had a lot if issues and fights. He slept in the recliner and I slept in our bed. Eventually he stopped drinking and doing stupid shit (he was never an alcoholic but he was drinking a lot at this time). And we started working more on the fundamental problems we had with each other. Eventually we made amends and now we are easing our kids together and are both doing really well (sorry that got long)

Hope it works out for you
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:25 PM

I grew up in a family of alcoholics. I know how unsettling and difficult that can be. I hope you start to feel better soon on your meds and hope your relationship starts to get stronger too. *caring*

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