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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

I wake up every morning resenting my unborn baby

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies
Is this normal? I really hope not. I'm a first time mom and I absolutely hate being pregnant. I was very healthy before I got into this mess and now I'm house bound with one problem after another. The first 3 months I was so sick that they had to hospitalize me for 3 days from extreme dehydration and anemia...not that big of a deal...the next months I developed carpal tunnel in both my hands and the pain goes all the way up my arms. I can't sleep because of this and I also have almost no feeling in my fingers. 5 months in now and I'm still not feeling all that bad about anything yet, and then I get abscesses forming all over my back and hips. The doctors can't tell me why or anything like that, they just tell me they have to operate on me and leave me with several open wounds. Great. So after having 2 very painful surgery with only a spinal block (no drugs to calm me down or help with the pain of lying on my back where more abscess are for the better part of 2 hours because they don't want to hurt the baby) they then pack me full of gauze and leave me blessing and in pain for 12 hours. More surgery. More packing. More Bullshit. Some of the wounds got infected so they had to go back in to take out more tissue. So here I am a month later getting my flesh rippes out 2x a day by a nurse with no end in sight. I can't sleep because of the pain all over my body, I can't sit because I have oped wounds on my ass, I can't lay on my sides for the same reason and I can't lay on my stomach because of this ever growing baby the continues to stretch my skin, preventing it from growing back. None of this would have happens if I didn't get pregnant. I'm sure all I need is a full nights sleep and a bath but it doesn't look like I'll be able to have any type of relief till I get this baby out of me. I really hope I don't have the same feelings for my kid when he gets here but right now all I can think about is downing a bottle of Nyquil and pain killers.

Now before all of you tell me what a bad person I am, keep in mind that I haven't slept or left the house in months. On top of being in pain with only Tylenol to take, my hormones are going crazy. All of my friends have gone MIA and my husband had to take a 2nd job just to take care of me so I only see him for an hour a day. So besides him, I only see my nurse and she barely speaks English. So as you can see, I don't need criticizing, I need support.

I feel a bit better now that I got that all out : /
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 16, 2014 at 1:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Lax5
by New Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 1:13 PM
Sorry mama that is horrible. I hope that when your precious baby is finally here everything you went through would have been worth it! Are the Docs sure all your problems are due to being pregnant?
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 16, 2014 at 1:47 PM
They all seem not to know anything really lol. They cant tell me what the abscess are from but everything else is from the pregnancy. im really hoping all my bad feeling will go away when he gets here. i keep feeling like none of this would have happended if i never got pregnant and i wish i never did to be honest. Ive always wanted kids but after all this i just know im going to be too scared to have any more. Im calling around to see a therapist on monday. I know what im feeling isnt normal :(



Quoting Lax5: Sorry mama that is horrible. I hope that when your precious baby is finally here everything you went through would have been worth it! Are the Docs sure all your problems are due to being pregnant?
tnunley
by Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 2:05 PM
That sounds rough! So sorry you are going through this!

My problems are all mental. I have major depression and dealing with an unexpected pregnancy. I'm also 20 weeks along and I still have no connection with the baby. I'm seeing a therapist, which helps, but I'm still not happy. This is my 3rd baby, and every pregnancy has been current for me.

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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 16, 2014 at 2:20 PM
Did you feel better once you had the baby? Im hoping that with talking to someone, ill be able to get passed this one part of my life...my big fear is that im not going to feel connected to him once hes here. right now i get upset with him if he kicks too much because it hurt. I get upset when i have to wake up after only being able to sleep for 2 min because i feel ljke i have to pee so bad (but then only a little bit comes out). Its just so hard and i feel so upset all the time.

Quoting tnunley: That sounds rough! So sorry you are going through this!

My problems are all mental. I have major depression and dealing with an unexpected pregnancy. I'm also 20 weeks along and I still have no connection with the baby. I'm seeing a therapist, which helps, but I'm still not happy. This is my 3rd baby, and every pregnancy has been current for me.
tnunley
by Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 3:19 PM

 I'm not due until December 31st.  I will let you know then how I will feel.  My therapist thinks it will happen eventually.

There is such a thing called prenatal depression.  Sounds like you may have it.  Is there a way you can talk to your ob about it or getting a therapist?  I would be lost without my therapist.  Though, at 5mo pg, I'm still in denial and haven't baught anything for her or even think about what I need for her.  I just don't want to deal with it yet, if that makes sense?  I also avoid all things baby related, I've missed 3 baby showers of friends' because of it (I also have social anxiety, which doesn't help).

Quoting Anonymous: Did you feel better once you had the baby? Im hoping that with talking to someone, ill be able to get passed this one part of my life...my big fear is that im not going to feel connected to him once hes here. right now i get upset with him if he kicks too much because it hurt. I get upset when i have to wake up after only being able to sleep for 2 min because i feel ljke i have to pee so bad (but then only a little bit comes out). Its just so hard and i feel so upset all the time.
Quoting tnunley: That sounds rough! So sorry you are going through this! My problems are all mental. I have major depression and dealing with an unexpected pregnancy. I'm also 20 weeks along and I still have no connection with the baby. I'm seeing a therapist, which helps, but I'm still not happy. This is my 3rd baby, and every pregnancy has been current for me.

 

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bambismom
by Silver Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 4:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry, you are in so much pain and discomfort.  You have come to the right place, this is a no bash zone here.  I think what you are feeling is reasonable given the circumstances.   Being pregnant isn't always fun, even if everything goes pretty well.  I do hope once the little guy comes you feel better and you can enjoy him.  Being a mom is a wonderful thing.  (((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))hugging

gonecrazi
by Silver Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 5:05 PM

 (((HUGS)))

MissMackiesgg
by Bronze Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 7:40 PM

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 6:19 AM

 im sorry you are going through all of this. if you can just hang on until you have this baby probably all of that will end. i know about the abcesses. i was having them all over and figured out it was my blood sugar. once i got it under control they went away. have they been keeping an eye on your blood sugar? im sure you will love this baby once it gets here and things go back to normal.

Memere60
by Bronze Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 4:08 PM

I think you can take certain antidepressants while you are pregnant. Please ask yor doc. Anyone would feel awful in your situation. I don't suppose you have a mom around to help you through this. 

I had a very difficult pregnancy. Partial bowel obstruction, in pain all the time, fear of what was going to happen, and then my daughter was a preemie. My mom was 1,800 miles away, and couldn't come to be with me. That was the hardest part. 

Now, my daughter, my only child, has had two children. Her first pregnancy was very hard. She was bedridden for a long time. When he was born, she had a hard time connecting with him. She was put on antidepressants, and joined a support group for new mothers, some with extreme post partum depression.

We care about people in this group. We won't criticize you, and we will try to support you. I will be praying for you, even though I don't know who you are. I'm going to share your story with my daughter. Believe me, she'll be praying for you too. group hugfeel better

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