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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

I wake up every morning resenting my unborn baby

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Is this normal? I really hope not. I'm a first time mom and I absolutely hate being pregnant. I was very healthy before I got into this mess and now I'm house bound with one problem after another. The first 3 months I was so sick that they had to hospitalize me for 3 days from extreme dehydration and anemia...not that big of a deal...the next months I developed carpal tunnel in both my hands and the pain goes all the way up my arms. I can't sleep because of this and I also have almost no feeling in my fingers. 5 months in now and I'm still not feeling all that bad about anything yet, and then I get abscesses forming all over my back and hips. The doctors can't tell me why or anything like that, they just tell me they have to operate on me and leave me with several open wounds. Great. So after having 2 very painful surgery with only a spinal block (no drugs to calm me down or help with the pain of lying on my back where more abscess are for the better part of 2 hours because they don't want to hurt the baby) they then pack me full of gauze and leave me blessing and in pain for 12 hours. More surgery. More packing. More Bullshit. Some of the wounds got infected so they had to go back in to take out more tissue. So here I am a month later getting my flesh rippes out 2x a day by a nurse with no end in sight. I can't sleep because of the pain all over my body, I can't sit because I have oped wounds on my ass, I can't lay on my sides for the same reason and I can't lay on my stomach because of this ever growing baby the continues to stretch my skin, preventing it from growing back. None of this would have happens if I didn't get pregnant. I'm sure all I need is a full nights sleep and a bath but it doesn't look like I'll be able to have any type of relief till I get this baby out of me. I really hope I don't have the same feelings for my kid when he gets here but right now all I can think about is downing a bottle of Nyquil and pain killers.

Now before all of you tell me what a bad person I am, keep in mind that I haven't slept or left the house in months. On top of being in pain with only Tylenol to take, my hormones are going crazy. All of my friends have gone MIA and my husband had to take a 2nd job just to take care of me so I only see him for an hour a day. So besides him, I only see my nurse and she barely speaks English. So as you can see, I don't need criticizing, I need support.

I feel a bit better now that I got that all out : /
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 16, 2014 at 1:08 PM
Replies (11-14):
Serenity7
by Silver Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 5:58 PM

 (((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))

 

Linda 8/17 photo Linda-mentalhealth_zps13200340.jpg
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 18, 2014 at 10:24 AM
I think pain and problems are
what you are resenting. Not your child. I think once baby is here you will feel totally different. ((hugs)
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 19, 2014 at 1:16 AM
I was depressed during my pregnancy and felt no connection to my baby. I hated even talking about it, because I felt like no one would be able to understand why I wasn't happy. I just wanted my body back, I wanted my sense of self back. Looking back, I wish I had seen a therapist for some insight. Make sure to look out for signs of post partum depression after the baby comes... it's a lot different than just the "baby blues" that women get. I had PPD and it affected my ability to bond properly with my child.
newwifenmom
by Bronze Member on Aug. 19, 2014 at 9:49 AM
HUGS. So sorry , I hope things get better sooner rather than later.
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