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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

Sorry for posting so much, having problems with husband

Posted by on Aug. 16, 2014 at 2:28 PM
  • 15 Replies

I've been married to my husband for over 12 yrs now, together for about 16, we have two children, 8 and 13.  I know this might sound a bit crazy but his addictions are tearing us apart.  He's not addicted to drugs or alcohol just video games and other things.  I feel like it's not getting any better just worse.  I don't want to come in second to a video game or other electronics like tablets and iphones.  Even when he takes a break from the games, he is constantly checking his phone and his tablet, while we are supposed to be spending time together watching tv or a movie.  We also never really talk, at least not on a deep, meaningful level.  I feel like I have to constantly fight for his attention, this is not what I signed up for.  I've tried talking to him about it and he just throws it back in my face, "Well, would you rather I go to bars and drink? There's not much I can do that doesn't cost money."  Recently, he's gotten obsessed with a game called Ingress, it's basically a video game that you drive around town with and hack portals and earn points for finding places against another team.  That would be fine with me if he wanted to go out one or two nights a week for a couple of hours and play, but he takes it to the extreme, he's now frequently out until 3 or 4 am.  I understand how money is tight but we rarely do things together and I rarely get to choose where we go to eat or what movie we see.  I don't know how much longer I can stay in this relationship, he's never wrong about anything, I'm always the problem, I'm the one over-reacting even when I don't think I am, none of my feelings are valid, what I say has no importance, I frequently hear, "Don't be dumb." or he'll get impatient when I ask a question he's already answered( I have short term memory issues bc of meds and ect).  Problem is, when we've talked about divorce, he gets angry and tells me to go sign the papers and move out.  Why should I move out when my SSDI money pays for half our mortgage?  He also says he's taking the kids bc "I'm not stable."  I really want to work things out bc I do love him, but he's not flexible at all or even willing to meet me halfway.  Help, please?  Has anyone been in a similar situation?

by on Aug. 16, 2014 at 2:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bambismom
by Silver Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 3:34 PM

Well, I kind of thought it was better at least, that he was home, until you said about this driving around video game.  WTH?? I wouldn't put up with it, but if he's threatening to take the kids you have to decide if it's worth it.  Stay in a miserable marriage or risk losing your kids.  I don't think a judge would take the kids from you, but, you just never know.  If he gets a nasty lawyer you may have a real battle on your hands.   I am starting to really hate phones, people don't talk to each other anymore, it's just dumb!  I don't know, if you want to keep your house and your kids, you may have to put up with the jerk.  As long as he isn't physically abusing you.  Of course, I know emotional abuse is bad too. 

dizzy77702
by Silver Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 3:50 PM

 thing is if he wanted to make a case against me, he'd have a lot of ammo.  I have a history going back since I was 9, in and out of hospitals for psych reasons since I was 13, so 24 yrs, multiple suicide attempts, you name it, it's there except for child abuse, drug and alcohol abuse.

Quoting bambismom:

Well, I kind of thought it was better at least, that he was home, until you said about this driving around video game.  WTH?? I wouldn't put up with it, but if he's threatening to take the kids you have to decide if it's worth it.  Stay in a miserable marriage or risk losing your kids.  I don't think a judge would take the kids from you, but, you just never know.  If he gets a nasty lawyer you may have a real battle on your hands.   I am starting to really hate phones, people don't talk to each other anymore, it's just dumb!  I don't know, if you want to keep your house and your kids, you may have to put up with the jerk.  As long as he isn't physically abusing you.  Of course, I know emotional abuse is bad too. 

 

bambismom
by Silver Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 4:04 PM

 I didn't really know your whole history, you have had a hard life.   Normally primary custody goes to the mother, but like I said if he gets a nasty lawyer, you never know.  If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't risk losing my kids to get rid of the man.  I wouldn't have wanted to go on if I didn't have my kids.  hugging I hope you have some friends you can do things with.  ((((((HUGS))))))))))

Quoting dizzy77702:

 thing is if he wanted to make a case against me, he'd have a lot of ammo.  I have a history going back since I was 9, in and out of hospitals for psych reasons since I was 13, so 24 yrs, multiple suicide attempts, you name it, it's there except for child abuse, drug and alcohol abuse.

Quoting bambismom:

Well, I kind of thought it was better at least, that he was home, until you said about this driving around video game.  WTH?? I wouldn't put up with it, but if he's threatening to take the kids you have to decide if it's worth it.  Stay in a miserable marriage or risk losing your kids.  I don't think a judge would take the kids from you, but, you just never know.  If he gets a nasty lawyer you may have a real battle on your hands.   I am starting to really hate phones, people don't talk to each other anymore, it's just dumb!  I don't know, if you want to keep your house and your kids, you may have to put up with the jerk.  As long as he isn't physically abusing you.  Of course, I know emotional abuse is bad too. 

 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 16, 2014 at 7:48 PM
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this! He does have his own addiction and problems!

This is unfortunately the very reason i fear to do counseling or get meds. We are ridiculed and told we are unstable even though we are trying to improve our health and more than many people who do not deal with things like depression.

I always feel like whatever we do could come back and bite us! I have a ss but fear if it ever came down to me adopting him i could not or it would be used against me somehow. Even though ex gf has been the biggest loser as a parent.
Its scary. Society has a long way to go!

Anyway, back to your dh. He is acting like a child, not an adult with children and a wife he needs to take care of.

Im sorry, video games are for kids. And if he can't control it, HE NEEDS HELP, not you!

He compares it to bars, which what he is doing is no better. And it doesn't sound like it is something you LOVE to do with him!

Anything that negatively affects the other spouse is a problem.Sounds like he needs counseling to come back to the REAL world before he loses you!

Good luck and many hugs!❤

Quoting dizzy77702:

 thing is if he wanted to make a case against me, he'd have a lot of ammo.  I have a history going back since I was 9, in and out of hospitals for psych reasons since I was 13, so 24 yrs, multiple suicide attempts, you name it, it's there except for child abuse, drug and alcohol abuse.


Quoting bambismom:

Well, I kind of thought it was better at least, that he was home, until you said about this driving around video game.  WTH?? I wouldn't put up with it, but if he's threatening to take the kids you have to decide if it's worth it.  Stay in a miserable marriage or risk losing your kids.  I don't think a judge would take the kids from you, but, you just never know.  If he gets a nasty lawyer you may have a real battle on your hands.   I am starting to really hate phones, people don't talk to each other anymore, it's just dumb!  I don't know, if you want to keep your house and your kids, you may have to put up with the jerk.  As long as he isn't physically abusing you.  Of course, I know emotional abuse is bad too. 


 

Serenity7
by Silver Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 9:54 PM

 ((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

MissMackiesgg
by Bronze Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 4:19 AM

What makes him think the judge will give him the kids when he does not have a job and plays video games instead of hunting for one? You are the one with the steady income. Is the house in his name or your's? If it is in yours have the locks changed while is out riding around playing stupid games.

Quoting bambismom:

Well, I kind of thought it was better at least, that he was home, until you said about this driving around video game.  WTH?? I wouldn't put up with it, but if he's threatening to take the kids you have to decide if it's worth it.  Stay in a miserable marriage or risk losing your kids.  I don't think a judge would take the kids from you, but, you just never know.  If he gets a nasty lawyer you may have a real battle on your hands.   I am starting to really hate phones, people don't talk to each other anymore, it's just dumb!  I don't know, if you want to keep your house and your kids, you may have to put up with the jerk.  As long as he isn't physically abusing you.  Of course, I know emotional abuse is bad too. 


lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 5:48 AM

 there is no reason that he should be staying out until that time of the morning playing video games. he needs to come back to the real world. is there anyway you two can work out spending time with each other so that he doesnt spend so much time on the games? maybe have just certain nights that he does that and certain nights he spends with you.

bambismom
by Silver Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 8:55 AM

 I'm not reading where he doesn't have a job, did I miss something? 

Quoting MissMackiesgg:

What makes him think the judge will give him the kids when he does not have a job and plays video games instead of hunting for one? You are the one with the steady income. Is the house in his name or your's? If it is in yours have the locks changed while is out riding around playing stupid games.

Quoting bambismom:

Well, I kind of thought it was better at least, that he was home, until you said about this driving around video game.  WTH?? I wouldn't put up with it, but if he's threatening to take the kids you have to decide if it's worth it.  Stay in a miserable marriage or risk losing your kids.  I don't think a judge would take the kids from you, but, you just never know.  If he gets a nasty lawyer you may have a real battle on your hands.   I am starting to really hate phones, people don't talk to each other anymore, it's just dumb!  I don't know, if you want to keep your house and your kids, you may have to put up with the jerk.  As long as he isn't physically abusing you.  Of course, I know emotional abuse is bad too. 

 

MissMackiesgg
by Bronze Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 9:33 AM

My eyes read that she paid half of the mortgage and my mind dropped the half. Sorry about that.

Quoting bambismom:

 I'm not reading where he doesn't have a job, did I miss something? 

Quoting MissMackiesgg:

What makes him think the judge will give him the kids when he does not have a job and plays video games instead of hunting for one? You are the one with the steady income. Is the house in his name or your's? If it is in yours have the locks changed while is out riding around playing stupid games.

Quoting bambismom:

Well, I kind of thought it was better at least, that he was home, until you said about this driving around video game.  WTH?? I wouldn't put up with it, but if he's threatening to take the kids you have to decide if it's worth it.  Stay in a miserable marriage or risk losing your kids.  I don't think a judge would take the kids from you, but, you just never know.  If he gets a nasty lawyer you may have a real battle on your hands.   I am starting to really hate phones, people don't talk to each other anymore, it's just dumb!  I don't know, if you want to keep your house and your kids, you may have to put up with the jerk.  As long as he isn't physically abusing you.  Of course, I know emotional abuse is bad too. 



luvmia
by Silver Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 6:59 PM
1 mom liked this
He sounds insensitive and vindictive. Using your mental illness to threaten to take the kids sounds like he doesnt care anything about you. He sounds hateful. If you want to work things out, talk to him about going to marriage counseling.
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