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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

Losing someone.

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2014 at 9:16 PM
  • 9 Replies
Hey ladies. Been a while. Guess I just need someone understanding to talk with. Sorry, but it'll be long.
So much has happened and changed. Started with my best friend moving home in June. That's been nice, and I don't think I'd have made it through this week without her.
So there's been tension between me and my brother. It happens when we live together, mostly because him and my SO don't like each other. So my best friend and I are looking for a place together so we can help with childcare when we both need to start school. He's not taking it well due to his injurie and losing his job and anxiety and depression. He feels we'll drift apart, I won't need him.
So all this continues. He finds a job and it's looking up. He's still having problems with his depression but he sleeps lots to escape it so he doesn't use again. Sunday is my birthday. He doesn't come oit because of his anxiety and he has to work early. Monday we argue over coffee (fucking coffee, can you believe that?) He leaves for work, comes home while I'm feeding baby. Tells SO he was terminated, doesn't want to talk right now, he'll be out when he's ready. (We're thinking terminated for an anxiety attack Friday at work, and fainting Saturday at work)
He doesn't come out that I know of. But it's nice out, we're in and out, playing with the kids in the yard. He's just sleeping, dealing with his shit his way. We hear him crying, but he doesn't respond to our messages. Go to bed.
SO wakes me up. Kenny's alarm has been going off for a while now. Has he been online? Not in 22 hours. My head is pounding, my heart is screaming, and I just know..
Go downstairs, knock. No answer. SO goes in cause I'm holding our youngest son, I'm shaking and crying and terrified. Wait for him to yell at him for going in his room.
SO comes out and hugs me. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry honey."
The rest is a blur. Calling 911, hearing the conversation, the EMT's, the police, the coroner. The people contacting me, family coming for the kids.. "Tell me it's not true" "Is Kenny ok? I saw the ambulances"
This week has tested me in so many ways. I feel so lost. He's helped me through everything. I can see and feel myself moving away from my children, SO's and friends. I can't sleep and barely eat, and just overall can't really carry a conversation without getting distracted or zoning out.
The hardest part is wanting to have a coffee on the deck in the morning, the bedtime smoke, and needing to talk to him. If I told my SO that I was craving, he'd remind me what I'd lose. My brother however, would be a better person to talk to.
Everything hurts. I guess writing this out has helped. I know it takes, but how do I balance the time needed, and needing to be present now.
Thanks if you made it this far, and again, sorry for the length.
by on Aug. 17, 2014 at 9:16 PM
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Replies (1-9):
lexismom90
by Silver Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 9:39 PM
I am so sorry for your loss mama. Is there a support group you can go to that might help you with losing your brother?
zboys
by Gold Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 10:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry.  : (  HUGS

Twix.Leigh
by Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 10:52 PM
I'm not sure. I know there's a walk in grief centre but that's one on one. I also know of a PPD moms support group, and as my daughter is 5 months, I think I'd qualify for it.
And thank you. He's the first person that's been this close. My dad passed the year my oldest was born, but he'd taken off again after my 18th so it wasn't like this.

Quoting lexismom90: I am so sorry for your loss mama. Is there a support group you can go to that might help you with losing your brother?
lexismom90
by Silver Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 11:18 PM
Yeah I can understand that. I would try to go somewhere though just to try to talk to others and try to work through it. I haven't lost someone tha close to me but one of my friends killed herself about a year ago, and that was hard enough for me to deal with so I can't imagine what you are going through. With her I ended up talking to mutual friends on the phone for several days, and assistin the family with fundraiser which helped keep me busy enough to stay distracted but once that was over it hit me pretty hard. I can't imagine what I would do if I lost my sister.

Quoting Twix.Leigh: I'm not sure. I know there's a walk in grief centre but that's one on one. I also know of a PPD moms support group, and as my daughter is 5 months, I think I'd qualify for it.
And thank you. He's the first person that's been this close. My dad passed the year my oldest was born, but he'd taken off again after my 18th so it wasn't like this.

Quoting lexismom90: I am so sorry for your loss mama. Is there a support group you can go to that might help you with losing your brother?
leahbeah143
by Leah on Aug. 17, 2014 at 11:21 PM
Hugs - I'm so sorry
lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 8:36 AM

 im so sorry for your loss. i agree a support group or therapy would help.

Twix.Leigh
by Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 11:20 AM
Yea I dint feel like it's real yet. I think in either three weeks or three months it'll hit me, as he worked in camp and would be gone for three weeks or months depending if he visited friends in the province he worked in.
I will be going to something, just get anxious leaving the house now. Plus with the packing, we move in two weeks and thought we were staying.

Quoting lexismom90: Yeah I can understand that. I would try to go somewhere though just to try to talk to others and try to work through it. I haven't lost someone tha close to me but one of my friends killed herself about a year ago, and that was hard enough for me to deal with so I can't imagine what you are going through. With her I ended up talking to mutual friends on the phone for several days, and assistin the family with fundraiser which helped keep me busy enough to stay distracted but once that was over it hit me pretty hard. I can't imagine what I would do if I lost my sister.

Quoting Twix.Leigh: I'm not sure. I know there's a walk in grief centre but that's one on one. I also know of a PPD moms support group, and as my daughter is 5 months, I think I'd qualify for it.
And thank you. He's the first person that's been this close. My dad passed the year my oldest was born, but he'd taken off again after my 18th so it wasn't like this.

Quoting lexismom90: I am so sorry for your loss mama. Is there a support group you can go to that might help you with losing your brother?
Serenity7
by Silver Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 5:20 PM

 (((((((((((((Hugs))))))))

newwifenmom
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2014 at 11:30 PM
HUGS
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