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Why do people think they can talk to me like they do.

Posted by on Aug. 23, 2014 at 2:45 PM
  • 16 Replies

My sister on our vacation that we all took together they live 800 miles away from me told me that my brother that is going to be dead for 13 years molested her between 8 -12 there was 6 people in our house and no one was ever alone. 


She told my kids this story also 15 and 19.  I asked her why she didn't tell me about this years ago she is now 40.  She has told me she cuts her self and also wants to kill herself.


They left my  house last week Sat. yesterday she text me and said imiss u but do you now believe me about Brian my dead brother.  I answered I am hurt you talked about this in front of my kids on our vacation. And he is dead so let inRIP.   Well I went and took a nap and when I got up looked at my phone she texted me what??? You are dead to me!!!  Then told me the f word u and I didn't respond I was crying.  I don't believe I can be mad at a dead person.

by on Aug. 23, 2014 at 2:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 3:04 PM

 that is a touchy situation. Your brother is gone now and has no way to defend himself. She shouldn't take that out on you.

Serenity7
by Silver Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 5:10 PM

 Your sister needs to get help

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 23, 2014 at 5:15 PM
1 mom liked this
I think she feels like you are exempting your brother of all wrong doing just because he is dead. If what she says is true, him being dead has nothing to do with anything. She is hurting and wanted to,talk to you, she wanted you to,believe her and give her comfort. You did none of those things.
to be honest, i would cut you out of my life too. How can you remotely believe what you did wasn't wrong?.
lucy164
by Peggy on Aug. 23, 2014 at 6:48 PM

absolutely

Quoting Serenity7:

 Your sister needs to get help


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 24, 2014 at 10:02 AM
I think you should try to
imagine if it was you?
Treat her the way you would need her to treat you if it was you instead?
Sometimes we need to take a moment to think and realize how the person going through the emotions must feel.when we take time to step back and acknowledge someone else's feelings it will in turn make both people feel alot better!
Hope this is helpful.......
Take care sister!
Memere60
by Silver Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 10:59 AM

This has the potential of becoming a HUGE falling out with your sister.

My brother screamed at me over the phone over a family matter, then hung up on me. Wouldn't let me explain myself. That was over 4 years ago. I'm starting to think it's never going to be resolved. He's never made a move toward me to resolve the issue, and I'm afraid to call him, because I really don't want. I think he's a bully. Sent a Christmas card last year to him. No response :(

your sister said you are dead to her. I wonder if she really means that, or if she is hoping you will reach out to her. I guess at this point you are going to have to figure out if you are able to try to work through this with her, or just not have a relationship with her anymore. I've never been close to my brother, so while I'm sad about the way things are between us,  I don't miss him at all.

if you were on vacation with your sister, you must be pretty close. Please keep us updated. hugging

Memere60
by Silver Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 11:05 AM
1 mom liked this

I just have to add one more thing: there were seven kids in my family, so the house was always full. One of my brothers brought me to an isolated place with someone else, and did something that I have only told my husband about. If I told ANYONE in my family, I'm pretty sure my brother would deny it, and I'm also pretty sure I'd be shunned by my family. I'm only really close to my youngest brother, and I wouldn't even tell him. 

My point I is, just because your house was full, doesn't mean that bad things couldn't have happened somewhere else.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 24, 2014 at 11:41 AM
1 mom liked this
You need to take the first step to forgiveness. Jesus wants you to forgive everyone. We are to forgive
490 times a day. lol

Quoting Memere60:

This has the potential of becoming a HUGE falling out with your sister.

My brother screamed at me over the phone over a family matter, then hung up on me. Wouldn't let me explain myself. That was over 4 years ago. I'm starting to think it's never going to be resolved. He's never made a move toward me to resolve the issue, and I'm afraid to call him, because I really don't want. I think he's a bully. Sent a Christmas card last year to him. No response :(

your sister said you are dead to her. I wonder if she really means that, or if she is hoping you will reach out to her. I guess at this point you are going to have to figure out if you are able to try to work through this with her, or just not have a relationship with her anymore. I've never been close to my brother, so while I'm sad about the way things are between us,  I don't miss him at all.

if you were on vacation with your sister, you must be pretty close. Please keep us updated. hugging

lexismom90
by Silver Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 2:02 PM
Just because he is dead doesn't mean she isn't still hurting and needing someone in the family to know she is hurting. I think she does still need to get some counseling for what happened, and maybe help her that way.
Memere60
by Silver Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 7:53 AM
1 mom liked this

Dear Anonymous 2,  iIs your comment  about forgiveness for me or to captain jack? If it is to me, I thought I was taking a step toward reconciliation when I sent my brother the Christmas card. The forgiveness part, I think I already have forgiven him. Jesus also said we shouldn't cast our pearls before swine. To me, that means you don't have to continue to be in someone's life if they are going to be cruel to you. I am sad about the situation, but I don't hate my brother. But I don't miss him. My friend who spent a LOT of money on Christian counseling told me repeatedly about situations in her own life: You don't have to show up for your own abuse. 

If you knew my brother, you'd know what I mean.  I just have to give a few details here. My youngest (and favorite) brother had a stroke. I see him a lot. He lives fairly close, and we have always always been good friends. The brother that I am having the problem with, decided to come in from out of town to take over the situation. He called and told me the no one was allowed to come to the hospital to see my brother, and to call him from now on. I was beside myself with grief, but being the weak person that I am (was), I OBEYED my brother. Do you see where I am going with this? What the hell was I thinking(sorry for the cuss word)? I know that your Jesus and my Jesus wouldn't say that word, but, oh well.

i knew my brother was having some symptoms, so with the thought that I was trying to save my brother's life, I tried to call my brother (who declared himself in charge of everything). Of course, in a hospital setting, most cell phones don't seem to work. So I called the hospital directly, and spoke to one of the nurses on that floor. Told her about my brother's problem, in case it would help to save his life. There are some other details too, but this is getting too long.

next thin I know, my bully brother calls me, and starts screaming at me, saying, I told you to call ME, not the hospital... I said , let me explain....he said, No, you let ME explain, if you ever call the hospital again, I won't call you and let you know how __________ is doing. Then he hung up on me. That's the last communication we had. So, I have forgiven him to the best of my ability. But, again, I don't show up for my own abuse anymore.

if your statement about forgiveness was not to me, but was to captain jack, then 'never mind' ...blushing

Quoting Anonymous 2: You need to take the first step to forgiveness. Jesus wants you to forgive everyone. We are to forgive 490 times a day. lol
Quoting Memere60:

This has the potential of becoming a HUGE falling out with your sister.

My brother screamed at me over the phone over a family matter, then hung up on me. Wouldn't let me explain myself. That was over 4 years ago. I'm starting to think it's never going to be resolved. He's never made a move toward me to resolve the issue, and I'm afraid to call him, because I really don't want. I think he's a bully. Sent a Christmas card last year to him. No response :(

your sister said you are dead to her. I wonder if she really means that, or if she is hoping you will reach out to her. I guess at this point you are going to have to figure out if you are able to try to work through this with her, or just not have a relationship with her anymore. I've never been close to my brother, so while I'm sad about the way things are between us,  I don't miss him at all.

if you were on vacation with your sister, you must be pretty close. Please keep us updated. hugging


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