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My depression is taking over my life

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 12:15 AM
  • 5 Replies

I have struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life. Im 34 now and my self esteem is low because I always feel like im just not normal. I have had a hard time keeping jobs. The job that I have now I have been there for 5 years now. I am proud of myself for staying but I still feel empty. I went to school and earned a 2 year degree in Office Administration. I have always loved office work. When I was a little girl I would always pretend that I was someone's secretary. I have lost different office jobs because of my performance. I can never think clearly and it takes awhile for me to process things when someone is speaking to me. I am very embarrassed. I feel that no matter what job I get that I am only going to lose it again so I just dont search for that type of work anymore. My dad made the comment today that I have been in school for so long and dont have anything to show for it. He feels that I should be using my degree to make better money. I feel the same way but getting and keeping a job isnt just that simple for me. I hate that I suffer with this. I even tried to explain to him why its hard for me to keep a job. Tonight at my parents house my sister and her husband stopped by. They both graduated for college with 4 year degrees and have professional careers. I cant stand when they bring up jobs and money because it makes me feel so much less than them. My dad joked tonight with my sister and her husband and said that I have been in school for so long and Im not doing anything with it. I felt ashamed. He even wants to see my diploma to prove to him that I got it. I have always wanted to make my dad proud by getting a high paying job with a good company. But its never going to happen. Not only that Im down on myself but I just dont desire to be some big time executive or anything. Thats not what i want. Out of all of my sisters I am the only one suffering with this. They dont know that everyday is a mental challenge for me. They just dont know how much I struggle. I have brought it up before but they just say that I have to change. My brother in law told me that he heard from my sister that I am a geek. Whatever that means. I cant help the way that my brain works.  How can i get my family to love and accept me the way that I am? How do you show your family that you are who you are and that they should love you regardless?

by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 12:15 AM
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by Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:59 AM

My mom, sister, and I are ALL bipolar! My sister is type 1, my mom type 2, and I'm by far the worst off with type 2 (binge eating and phychotic episodes to go with it). My family try's and in our own way loves eachother but we are all far too messed up to show it in normal ways. None of us are stable, so I'm not sure how it works when you are trying to get along with those who aren't ill. I do know it took my husband YEARS to be helpful, he wasn't trying to be mean but he just didn't understand because he isn't like me. Do they like to read? You could get your family some books on your illness so they can better understand.


by Group Admin on Oct. 8, 2015 at 5:26 AM
Are you being treated by a therapist or a psychiatrist? What meds have you taken for your depression?
by Silver Member on Oct. 10, 2015 at 7:13 AM've sure got people with high standards to compete with.
too much comparing going ain't nobody if you ain't in the top jobs ....
perform.....reform... be a performer
I'm crazy hon...but I'm sorry the comparisons you have to compete with are so....DENSE!
by Peggy on Oct. 10, 2015 at 9:22 AM

 Your father is being unfair to you by comparing you to your sisters.  Success isn't having a high paying job; it's loving what you do.

by on Oct. 10, 2015 at 2:25 PM

I have a bi-, adhd polar, brain damaged son, and 4 bi-polar, adhd grandgirls. It is hard for someone who looks at them to see there disabling problems. I am so sorry that your family treats you this way.

Have you tried working at some where that deals with problems like yours? At a place that handles this all the time may just the shoe that fits. Just an idea. {{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

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