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My depression and anxiety are at all time high and i don't want to live.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies
My depression and anxiety are not getting any better and I'm sick of feeling like/living like this. I'm in therapy and on medication and nothing is working. I'm done fighting and trying to figure out what's going to work or not work. I'm over it! Goodbye.
Posted by Anonymous on May. 30, 2016 at 6:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lyrick24
by Group Admin on May. 31, 2016 at 3:25 AM
1 mom liked this

please hang on! keep trying different med cocktails. most of the time something will end up working. try to get enough rest to rest your mind. if that means taking several naps a day then do it. i have found that if i just deal with the depression and dont try to fight so hard, i feel better. if i feel like crying, i cry. if i feel like sleeping, i sleep. i have had so much on my mind lately that i am sleeping a lot because of the fatigue. i just made an appt to see my therapist again and i am trying a new med. i wish you the best.

marney.p
by Bronze Member on May. 31, 2016 at 4:21 AM

I agree please hang in there.  This group is here to hear your voice. Please come back and chat. I hope you feel a little better tomorrow. I try everything just to stay well. And sometimes that is just laying and listening to music for hours. feel better

Serenity7
by Silver Member on May. 31, 2016 at 9:30 AM

(((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 31, 2016 at 9:32 AM
Hugs. Same here and my husband is acting like I'm a burden.
lucy164
by Peggy on May. 31, 2016 at 11:47 AM

prayingDon't give up.  It won't last forever.  Keep trying different meds.  I'm praying for you.

nerthus
by Member on May. 31, 2016 at 12:10 PM
2 moms liked this
In Buddhism we learn the truth of impermanence, how everything is always changing, including our thoughts and emotions. We have random thoughts all the time that just come and go, as do emotions. Buddhists learn to sit with these thoughts and emotions and watch them pass without any judgment one way or another; ALWAYS with compassion and tenderness for yourself, NOT condemnation or self criticism, you identify each emotion you feel as it arises, such as "Oh, here is sadness" or "Here is depression," and then you realize that even if you've had this emotion many times lately, it too will pass and you just breathe and let it go. You might feel your depression IS you, that it's become your whole world/identity; but we are not the same person we were yesterday or even an hour ago; our very cells are changing, skin cells falling off and being replaced even as we sit, the breath we breathed just now spreading across the atmosphere and gone as a new breath comes, also to disappear. We don't hold the same breath, the same stale air forever; we exhale it, let it go, free our lungs for the next breath. That's just life. And all the 'filler' in between is of the same nature of impermanence, and in that way it cannot touch us. It doesn't matter if your depression is chemical/biological in nature or situational, such as losing a loved one or your job or having an illness; the truth of impermanence in both our thoughts and feelings works the same. You don't have to sit chanting or learn some deep form of meditation, you just focus on each breath and let all the rest go, give the core of your being a rest from all those passing clamoring bits of thought and emotion. When you can detach from that 'noise' and view yourself with loving compassion as a precious being here only briefly having this complex earthly experience, then a stillness comes and you feel like you are calm, peaceful, like moving down a radio dial past all the static and angry,debating voices and screaming music to the beautiful, rich clarity of your real being. Some schools of Buddhism think that even this core being is impermanent, that it too will disperse like molecules of air from the lungs into the next thing at death; some schools believe that the being that is 'you' is retained after death but repeats cycles of earthly existence until full enlightenment is reached and one moves beyond all concepts of time and impermanence into the nirvana that is the ultimate truth of everything; sort of like Heaven. But the main thing is learning not to be 'attached' to our thoughts and feelings, good or bad, to be able to let them go and realize that we exist here only in the space of each breath, and each breath can free us to go beyond the cares of mind and body into the eternal NOW, which is a place of perfect rest with no fear. For me there was (and is) always so much fear mixed in with my depressive episodes--fear of death, fear of madness, fear that this will never end, fear of losing even more people I love, fear of increasing health woes, just so much FEAR--but realizing that fear is just another emotion and also impermanent is a big relief to me because I can breathe and acknowledge it and then gently let it go, the misery of that fear dispersing with the breath I just exhaled. I'm not saying people don't need meds or therapy or anything like that to also help them in life, I just see this simple breathing exercise as a wonderful gift of peace and love to my own being that links me to the love every other being can access as well. Whether you call that love God or a link to Nirvana, it just lets you see that, as the Christian mystic Julian of Norwich said centuries ago: " All things are well, all things will be well, and all manner of things will be well." The type of Buddhism I follow or adhere to most closely is Soto Zen, founded in the 13th century by Zen Master Dogen; he believed that we all are 'Buddha nature' already and possess it whether we know it or not: "...the wisdom of Enlightenment is inherent in every one of us. It is because of the delusion under which our mind works that we fail to realze it ourselves...You should know that so far as Buddha nature is concerned, there is no difference between an enlightened man and an ignorant one. What makes the difference is that one realizes it, while one is ignorant of it." (translated from The Sutra of Hui Neng, which are Dogen's teachings). When we feel we need something more, that we aren't already enough or already whole and complete, that searching for something outside of what we already are will only lead to depression and dissatisfaction. Just realize you already have everything and are OKAY because God or Buddha nature is already there inside you, and you can see yourself and your life from a whole new perspective. Then these impermanent, fleeting emotions and thoughts lose a lot of their power. I wish you love and peace and will end with this simple mantra: "Breathing in, I am happy and at peace. Breathing out, I wish happiness and peace for all beings."
happyolechimp
by Silver Member on May. 31, 2016 at 1:46 PM
What can I do to help...I wish there was something I could do
Seashell77
by Gold Member on May. 31, 2016 at 2:10 PM

Please don't give up. Life is so darn hard sometimes, but's it's also very good too. If you have kids think of them. They will never be the same without you. We don't think that way when we're this depressed and anxious.  Please get help and talk with someone. There's hotlines too which you can call. We care about you here at our group. We are rooting for you to feel much better.  group hug

Fullofhope347
by on May. 31, 2016 at 5:03 PM

Girl!! talk to your doctor - let them know that nothing is working - they know alternative treatments for you!!! Listen this is temporary!!!! This will pass! Do you have a support group? Do you have someone that you can reach out to? Honey, God has a very special purpose for you!! You can get through this and help someone else that is suffering. I know!!! I went through the same thing! There is much life left! There is much purpose and hope! Message me - talk anytime!!! KNOW I am here for you!! Love you dear one and I am praying for much comfort and strength for you

LuvMyKids4321
by New Member on May. 31, 2016 at 11:07 PM
1 mom liked this

HI.......I wanted to see how you are doing today. I have not read all of the replies. Only this Post.......I'm going through this as well. And I don't take any medication due to Fear of it killing me Slowly...So can you Imagine .....Your going to have to keep fighting!. I know that you are Exhausted... But Life can and Will Be Beautiful again.. I just know it...For you and me...And All of us who suffer now.....Anxiety tricks you into being afraid for No Reason...And Manipulates you! Be Strong Girl ! It will get Easier one day..... Keep busy...Don't depend on Anyone to Motivate you, or To Make You Happy! You have to Do it for yourself....... I feel better now since I have changed My Thinking......Please Talk to A Therapist......And your Dr.... It will all work out :)

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