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Not so much depressed right now as I am frustrated.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 5 Replies

Hi again all. 
Frustrated with my husband this morning, I was up first, then he got up, and he asked me what the plans were for today, and I didn't have an answer right away, so he laid on the floor and was playing with the dog and I asked him to play quieter because the girls were still asleep and I didn't want them to wake up yet. (We went to bed kind of late and the last thing I need today is crabby girls.) I guess that ruined him for the whole day, and it's not even 7:30am. He just got up and lumbered out of the room and pretty much gave me the silent treatment. He took a shower, came back up, brushed his teeth, and I went in there to talk about our day and playfully squeezed his bum and he (like he always does) said "Don't" and pushed me away. Well not PUSHED but kind of moved me aside. I told him no I don't have any plans today, and he was like "I asked you that an HOUR ago." (He had only been up 30 min). Then he started to walk by my girl's bedroom door and obnoxiously whispered something. When we got to the kitchen I asked him what he said and he was like "I can't talk any quieter than this". (He's got a loud booming voice and when he was playing with the dog he was extra loud). He's just pissy and oversensitive x 1 million. I don't need this bullshit today. 

Then he proceeded to bitch about the open chip bags and he was like "I'm just going to point out every time it happens" and I was like "OMG FIRST OF ALL we DO close the bags, they tend to unroll if there's nothing to clip them with, and if I pointed out all the shit YOU do that bugs ME, AS IT HAPPENS, you'd throw a  hissy fit before I got to the 2nd thing!" So he just kind of lumbered out the door again and just left. Just left the house without telling me where he's going, what he's doing... I HATE it when he does this. He does it all the time. Then I ask him where he's going and he says we talked about it when we didn't. Makes me question my sanity. I called him and he said he's going to get some pool parts and he's going to work on the pool. Would have been nice to know. 

Thanks for the vent, he just pisses me off so much sometimes and I don't understand how to handle him after 25 years being together.

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 4, 2017 at 8:58 AM
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Replies (1-5):
K3412
by on Jun. 4, 2017 at 9:01 AM
Has he always been this way? What does he say when you talk to him about it?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 4, 2017 at 9:10 AM

I'll tell you what, if he was like this when I met him we wouldn't have married. We've been together since 15 yrs old, now we're 40 & 41, married 14 yrs in September. Since we had to grow up and be adults he's steadily gotten crabbier and crabbier, and now it's rare to see him in a good mood. He sees the world from such an "Everyone's out to get me/screw me/life sucks/so unfair" point of view, and I'm the complete opposite. I count my blessings and try to find joy in everything. It's so hard to remain positive with such a negative person around all the time. I HAVE become really depressed over it, and that's just not me. I am not feeling so much depressed right now though as aggravated. When I try to talk to him about it he doesn't listen. He gets defensive and it's like he feels he's infallible and can do no wrong. He'll either immediately point out my shortcomings or find a way to turn it around on me. I've given up.

Quoting K3412: Has he always been this way? What does he say when you talk to him about it?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 5, 2017 at 3:30 PM
1 mom liked this

Must be a 40 plus thing, dealing with the same. hope it passes soon. I'm looking for a solution myself. Hugs

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 7, 2017 at 6:34 AM

Now he hasn't talked to me since Monday night. He came home and was in a pissy mood (as always) - with good reason but there's no way I could have known about well, one of the things. The thing that hurts is he always says "I was in a GREAT mood until I came home". I barely got to LOOK at him before he said it this time. I was downstairs with my 9y/o b/c she needed a shower and she won't shower down there without me, so I was folding laundry and waiting for her. 6 y/o DD was outside with our chickens, holding them and singing to them. <3 :) She must have come in for a second and left the back door open with the A/C on. BIIIIIIIIIIG NO-NO in this house. She does it often too. :( But... she's SIX. You gotta be repetitive. I had no idea that had happened because I was DOWNSTAIRS, and only had been down there about 10 minutes, before DH came down with a scowl on his face, and he goes "You GOTTA keep an eye on these KIDS!" Ok. That was insulting enough. My whole life is keeping an eye on these kids but you know what? I'm only ONE PERSON. I can only be in so many places at once. I never stop moving, never stop working around here, I'm TRYING. Then he tells me what happened as he was getting his socket wrench set, and the tools were all messed up in there and he got furious about that, blamed it on me. Actually it was BOTH of our fault, it was in the laundry room FOREVER, and it was *almost* closed, (his fault) and when I went to move it they all moved out of place from their "spot" and I never had time to fix it (my fault). So he said the dreaded words "AGAIN, I was in a GREAT mood til I come home". (Inside I cringe when he says "come" home and not "came" home, because he's a hoosier and I'm a grammar nazi). Then he bitched, and bitched, and bitched, and bitched... bitched about how he works so hard in the hot sun (he's a construction worker) and how he hates coming home because it's "always somethin'". (that HURTS!!) I dread him coming home because he's ALWAYS in a bad mood when he gets here!! I feel like I walk on eggshells to see if he's smiling or scowling when he walks in the door. Scowl? Avoid him. Smile? We're cool.
Anyway, after he bitched about how tired he is, finally I snapped. I had my little one in the bath by that time, and big girl was on musically on her iPod up on her bunk. I feel bad about it, but I yelled at him, I told him how tired I AM and how I get up at 4am every day just to get soemthing done around here before I get the girls up, make them breakfast, bring them to school, go to work, come get the girls from school, go home, cook dinner, tidy up, make sure the girls are bathed so we can do it all over again. But he doesn't care. He tunes me out and walks away, especially if I'm yelling. I feel bad about yelling at him where the girls could hear me. I went and apologized to each of them right after. It was something I almost couldn't control. I couldn't take any more. I... SNAPPED. I understand he works really hard for us and I am so appreciative, but I think what hurts is I work so hard too, and I feel like he's never, EVER happy. He doesn't notice what I do, he just notices what I haven't done. Then he throws it in my face. Constantly. I'm so sick of it. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 12, 2017 at 2:35 AM

That sounds incredibly difficult.

Why do you think he's so unhappy? 

I'm sure you know this, but if I were you, I would work really hard on not taking things personally. 

Good luck.  Living with a chronically unhappy person is exhausting.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Now he hasn't talked to me since Monday night. He came home and was in a pissy mood (as always) - with good reason but there's no way I could have known about well, one of the things. The thing that hurts is he always says "I was in a GREAT mood until I came home". I barely got to LOOK at him before he said it this time. I was downstairs with my 9y/o b/c she needed a shower and she won't shower down there without me, so I was folding laundry and waiting for her. 6 y/o DD was outside with our chickens, holding them and singing to them. <3 :) She must have come in for a second and left the back door open with the A/C on. BIIIIIIIIIIG NO-NO in this house. She does it often too. :( But... she's SIX. You gotta be repetitive. I had no idea that had happened because I was DOWNSTAIRS, and only had been down there about 10 minutes, before DH came down with a scowl on his face, and he goes "You GOTTA keep an eye on these KIDS!" Ok. That was insulting enough. My whole life is keeping an eye on these kids but you know what? I'm only ONE PERSON. I can only be in so many places at once. I never stop moving, never stop working around here, I'm TRYING. Then he tells me what happened as he was getting his socket wrench set, and the tools were all messed up in there and he got furious about that, blamed it on me. Actually it was BOTH of our fault, it was in the laundry room FOREVER, and it was *almost* closed, (his fault) and when I went to move it they all moved out of place from their "spot" and I never had time to fix it (my fault). So he said the dreaded words "AGAIN, I was in a GREAT mood til I come home". (Inside I cringe when he says "come" home and not "came" home, because he's a hoosier and I'm a grammar nazi). Then he bitched, and bitched, and bitched, and bitched... bitched about how he works so hard in the hot sun (he's a construction worker) and how he hates coming home because it's "always somethin'". (that HURTS!!) I dread him coming home because he's ALWAYS in a bad mood when he gets here!! I feel like I walk on eggshells to see if he's smiling or scowling when he walks in the door. Scowl? Avoid him. Smile? We're cool. Anyway, after he bitched about how tired he is, finally I snapped. I had my little one in the bath by that time, and big girl was on musically on her iPod up on her bunk. I feel bad about it, but I yelled at him, I told him how tired I AM and how I get up at 4am every day just to get soemthing done around here before I get the girls up, make them breakfast, bring them to school, go to work, come get the girls from school, go home, cook dinner, tidy up, make sure the girls are bathed so we can do it all over again. But he doesn't care. He tunes me out and walks away, especially if I'm yelling. I feel bad about yelling at him where the girls could hear me. I went and apologized to each of them right after. It was something I almost couldn't control. I couldn't take any more. I... SNAPPED. I understand he works really hard for us and I am so appreciative, but I think what hurts is I work so hard too, and I feel like he's never, EVER happy. He doesn't notice what I do, he just notices what I haven't done. Then he throws it in my face. Constantly. I'm so sick of it. 


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