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Irrational Fear

Posted by on Oct. 19, 2017 at 7:50 PM
  • 11 Replies
Hi everyone,

I've never liked being alone at night. My husband is a truck driver and he is away a lot. It took me a while to get used to being alone all the time, especially at night. Even then I wa always anxious about it. We moved from New Jersey to Nebraska a few months ago and my fear of being alone in the house at night is worse than ever. We don't live in a bad area, but I just felt safer in NJ. I'm so paranoid someone will break in and constantly check and recheck if the door is locked. I live in an apartment complex on the 3rd floor and no one can get in without a key or being buzzed in but that doesn't stop me from being scared at night.

When its time to go to sleep I take my kids in the bedroom and put an end table in front of the door. when they fall asleep i am up much of the night in case something happens which leaves me exhausted the next day. It doesn't help that my family is back in NJ and N.Y. and I have no friends here.

Does anyone else ever feel this way or have any suggestions on how to calm myself down?
by on Oct. 19, 2017 at 7:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
diane1968
by Bronze Member on Oct. 19, 2017 at 8:09 PM

No, I'm Diane and welcome hope you enjoy yourself, I'm sure there are others that feel the same. I would call a friend or someone who you know, if not, if you have a hobby or something, I would do that. I'm sure someone here feels the same way as you do. Welcome again. This area is has very supportive ladies. Hope it gets better. Diane

Seashell77
by Silver Member on Oct. 19, 2017 at 8:59 PM

I understand how you feel. Is it possible to get an alarm system for peace of mind?  Also with having moved it's normal to feel more ill at ease. Once you start making friends, getting to know your neighbors I think that will also help a lot. 

It's nice you found our group. It's a very nice group of women. Hope you like it here and we look forward to getting to know you better. welcome

zboys
by Gold Member on Oct. 19, 2017 at 10:13 PM
Does your husband know of your fears? Distract yourself with calming music.
cizi1978
by Member on Oct. 19, 2017 at 10:32 PM
I've told him many times that I hate being alone, but he's not very supportive at all and I don't feel comfortable talking to him about it anymore.

Quoting zboys: Does your husband know of your fears? Distract yourself with calming music.
MomAnn10
by on Oct. 20, 2017 at 2:57 PM

I am sorry you are feeling uncomfortable in your new surroundings. I agree that an alarm system sounds like a good idea.  As you make new friends, you could always get an emergency contact of someone who lives nearby. Have you considered putting a chain on the door as well? That might ease your mind also.  Hope you settle in soon. 

kvolm2016
by on Oct. 21, 2017 at 1:56 AM

I am so sorry you are experiencing this.  I'm pretty sure most people have something that they know is a completely unfounded fear and yet you just can't shake it.  It sounds like you were somewhat anxious about being alone at night while you lived in NJ but the move to your new surroundings has greatly multiplied the anxiousness.  Is that accurate?   Can you figure out what it is that is making you feel less safe in your new place?  Do you think it will get better once you get more accustomed to these surroundings?  Or do you think it is that you are feeling isolated with no one nearby to help you if needed?  

cizi1978
by Member on Oct. 21, 2017 at 8:47 AM
It's true, I was also anxious in NJ but it got worse when I moved. I think a big part is that I really have no one else here and that scared me. In NJ In had my brother In law 15 minutes away or my mom about 45 minutes away in NY. Another thing is even though I don't live in a bad area, I feel there is much more crime here than where I lived in in NJ. I'm always hearing of robberies, car jacking, break ins somewhere here and it's a smaller city than anywhere I lived before. I think if I try to know my neighbors more I might feel a little better, but I have social anxiety so that may take a while.

Quoting kvolm2016:

I am so sorry you are experiencing this.  I'm pretty sure most people have something that they know is a completely unfounded fear and yet you just can't shake it.  It sounds like you were somewhat anxious about being alone at night while you lived in NJ but the move to your new surroundings has greatly multiplied the anxiousness.  Is that accurate?   Can you figure out what it is that is making you feel less safe in your new place?  Do you think it will get better once you get more accustomed to these surroundings?  Or do you think it is that you are feeling isolated with no one nearby to help you if needed?  

amonkeymom
by Member on Oct. 21, 2017 at 11:07 AM

You only hear about it more because it's such a small town, but I promise you there isn't more crime there than there was where you lived before. It's just that there's not much else to report on.

Quoting cizi1978: It's true, I was also anxious in NJ but it got worse when I moved. I think a big part is that I really have no one else here and that scared me. In NJ In had my brother In law 15 minutes away or my mom about 45 minutes away in NY. Another thing is even though I don't live in a bad area, I feel there is much more crime here than where I lived in in NJ. I'm always hearing of robberies, car jacking, break ins somewhere here and it's a smaller city than anywhere I lived before. I think if I try to know my neighbors more I might feel a little better, but I have social anxiety so that may take a while.
Quoting kvolm2016:

I am so sorry you are experiencing this.  I'm pretty sure most people have something that they know is a completely unfounded fear and yet you just can't shake it.  It sounds like you were somewhat anxious about being alone at night while you lived in NJ but the move to your new surroundings has greatly multiplied the anxiousness.  Is that accurate?   Can you figure out what it is that is making you feel less safe in your new place?  Do you think it will get better once you get more accustomed to these surroundings?  Or do you think it is that you are feeling isolated with no one nearby to help you if needed?  


diane1968
by Bronze Member on Oct. 22, 2017 at 6:44 PM
1 mom liked this


kvolm2016
by on Oct. 24, 2017 at 12:40 AM

i agree that getting to know your neighbors or some new friends in town will help.  Since you mentioned that you have kids, I wonder if you could try to make some connections through your kids?  Maybe with other families from their school or any other activities they might be participating in.  The other thing I wondered is whether having a dog might help?  I know when I am home alone I can count on my dog to make noise if there is too much activity happening outside.  She is a great friend to have around when it is lonely too!  

Quoting cizi1978: It's true, I was also anxious in NJ but it got worse when I moved. I think a big part is that I really have no one else here and that scared me. In NJ In had my brother In law 15 minutes away or my mom about 45 minutes away in NY. Another thing is even though I don't live in a bad area, I feel there is much more crime here than where I lived in in NJ. I'm always hearing of robberies, car jacking, break ins somewhere here and it's a smaller city than anywhere I lived before. I think if I try to know my neighbors more I might feel a little better, but I have social anxiety so that may take a while.
Quoting kvolm2016:

I am so sorry you are experiencing this.  I'm pretty sure most people have something that they know is a completely unfounded fear and yet you just can't shake it.  It sounds like you were somewhat anxious about being alone at night while you lived in NJ but the move to your new surroundings has greatly multiplied the anxiousness.  Is that accurate?   Can you figure out what it is that is making you feel less safe in your new place?  Do you think it will get better once you get more accustomed to these surroundings?  Or do you think it is that you are feeling isolated with no one nearby to help you if needed?  


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