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Still here

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2018 at 6:10 PM
  • 6 Replies
23 yo SS is in 12th month of depression and treatment with no change in behavior. He isn't obviously depressed, just enough he can't go to school, get a job, or live in his apartment with his roommates. A year of watching tv and playing games and us cooking and providing for him. Right now he and his dad are watching football. I need help. I feel like I am the one getting depressed. I don't want to go to the gym anymore, cook supper for all of us or spend time with my husband away even. I'm frustrated at him and his parents. Nobody talks about what he is thinking to me. His mom said the therapist said he needed more time, not to push him to get a job yet. What is more time? Why can't they push him to go outside? He has no friends so that is out. He is staying at our house all this week and my husband is working out of town. So I guess I'm responsible for our dinner. He could go to his moms house, I don't understand why he doesn't except some kind of OCD that when he makes a decision that is it. Sorry this is long and I sound unkind. I just want my life back. I can't help but feel it's more fear of growing up and no desire to do so.
by on Jan. 21, 2018 at 6:10 PM
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Replies (1-6):
HaroldsMom
by Member on Jan. 21, 2018 at 6:21 PM
So if you don’t think he’s depressed what do you think wrong with him? Have you talk to your husband about this? You don’t sound mean you are just venting. You also have to take care of yourself. When you don’t feel like going out make your self get out.
HaroldsMom
by Member on Jan. 21, 2018 at 6:21 PM
Bump
Bertieb
by Member on Jan. 21, 2018 at 7:24 PM
I'm not sure what he has. He's never had friends or a girlfriend. I thought his roommates were buddies until he quit school and had had no contact with them since. We are still paying for his apartment bedroom but he doesn't go there or talk to them or even get his tv and stuff! It's almost like something happened but nobody knows or asks! If I were his mom Or dad I would have asked his friends what they know but his parents never did. Maybe he is bi polar, or social anxiety. He also doesn't bathe or shave normally. Sometimes too much, sometimes without soap or not enough. He can be condescendingly smart and still unable to do basic things. He once said he never felt anything or cared about people particularly.

Quoting HaroldsMom: So if you don’t think he’s depressed what do you think wrong with him? Have you talk to your husband about this? You don’t sound mean you are just venting. You also have to take care of yourself. When you don’t feel like going out make your self get out.
zboys
by Platinum Member on Jan. 21, 2018 at 11:44 PM
I dont know. Im struggling myself with depression. Sorry im no help
LoisLane78
by Member on Jan. 22, 2018 at 10:39 AM

Don't be hard on yourself.  You're not unkind, just frustrated.  It sounds like maybe he needs a different therapist.  If he's been on this path for 12 months and there is no noticable change, something needs to give.  You should be seeing some improvement by now.  When my husband and I had/have problems with our kids, it's very important that our relationship remains strong and that we don't allow the situation to come between us. But it sounds like your SS parents are enabling, not helping.  Your SS is an adult.  Adults have responsibilities. Have you considered joining a support group or getting help for yourself?  It sounds like you are having to take on a lot.  You need to be around caring people who can help and advise you.  Do you belong to a church?

jjsong
by on Jan. 22, 2018 at 1:54 PM

I would agree that you seem to be the one who is thinking the most realistic about SS and  that is suffering the most with this convenient arrangement  for stepson and parents. He isn't your responsibility at his age but  there are things that you can do to change your feelings of hopelessness and his.  Such as letting him know that you won't be there at supper time but you have some groceries available if he wants to make himself a sandwich or a can of soup.  Something simple and give guidelines about cleaning up after himself.  Same for breakfast and lunch.  He is too old to keep babying.  Also if he is living at your house then he should be doing chores,etc.  Nothing is as depressing to people as to have no responsibility or self worth which is what he is being allowed to feel at your house by everyone treating him as an invalid.  As a former therapist, I am well acquainted with depression and how important it is to exercise and be active as well as have something to do that makes you feel competent and worthwhile.  Being a couch potato is not helpful in coming out of a dark cloud.  A website you might find helpful is https://list.ly/Troubled_With/lists.  My best to you in this difficult time.

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