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Why can’t I be happy?

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2018 at 10:14 PM
  • 9 Replies
Why does everything always have to be so hard? ALWAYS. I just want to be good enough for someone. Just once. I have worked so hard the last 3 years, and 2 people who have been at my work barely a year (I trained one of them) got the promotion I’ve been wanting. I’m tired of working so hard and having nothing to show for it. I just once want something to go in my favor. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I just want to disappear since nobody would miss me anyway.
by on Feb. 5, 2018 at 10:14 PM
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Replies (1-9):
happyolechimp
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2018 at 7:50 PM
3 moms liked this
That's just wrong. .wrong..to promote people before you. ..
my husband had been with his company 32 years. .and during the bank bailouts...they had him train his younger replacement. ..
we had to scramble with our money to prepare for layoff. .
the guy left for another job..and we went through it again...
next guy drank while driving company truck. ..wrecked it and ended up in detox..
company called begging for husband to come back..
he did and they paid..
if you could talk to your employers with a non emotional appproach....
logically. ..you should be the one promoted. ..
if they didn't think your performance allowed that...why have you train people ..
i certainly understand this hurt and unfair treatment. .and..i will be thinking of you
Seashell77
by Gold Member on Feb. 6, 2018 at 9:32 PM
2 moms liked this

Life is often so unfair. I am really sorry this is happening at work. I really love the advice that Happychimp gave you. I couldn't have said it any better. Hang in there. Life has it's ups and downs. YOu'll be seeing many more ups ahead. 

you rock

teal.blaze
by Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 8:46 AM

It just feels like my entire life has been a series of nothing but downs. I want to give up. I'm tired. 10 years of things just getting worse and worse. I spent most of those years telling myself "It's ok; things will be better once xx happens." And that time never came. Things were supposed to be better once I graduated college and got a good job. Good job never happened. I was unemployed for 6 months before I found the job I have now, and everyone but me seems to get promoted. The real kicker is that these are college students who don't want to work here forever. I did. My degree is in hospitality and HR. I can't get a job in HR because I don't have any HR experience. I seem to be failing in the hospitality industry. I thought things would be easier once I wasn't driving an hour to work every day. Ended up with crazy landlords and outrageous utility bills (I'm talking $700 in January that year). Then I just told myself everything would be ok once we owned a home and didn't have to deal with that anymore. Bought a house, furnace died the first winter. Just over a year after we bought the house, my husband decided that marriage was too hard and moved out. 8 months later, he finally came back home, but has been sleeping on the couch ever since. That was last May that he moved home. I didn't get a tax refund last year because we filed joint to get more back, and the government took all of it for debts I didn't know he had, then my car died. I bought the cheapest one I could find and I hate it. It's too small for my family. Half the electronic stuff doesn't work. I paid $2000 for it, and now I don't have any savings and am living paycheck to paycheck because my husband has given me a total of $300 to help with bills in the last year, and he is a roofer that only works in the summer, so now he is not working. I feel like I'm drowning. I have days where my anxiety is so bad I can't stop shaking. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Quoting Seashell77:

Life is often so unfair. I am really sorry this is happening at work. I really love the advice that Happychimp gave you. I couldn't have said it any better. Hang in there. Life has it's ups and downs. YOu'll be seeing many more ups ahead. 

you rock


JkBrauer
by Member on Feb. 7, 2018 at 10:24 PM

Life is hard and it does seem as if we all fall into this trap at least once in our lives. I know, I have been there a few times myself. I learned a lot of our success and failures land in our attitude that we take in life. We can choose every morning when we get out of bed how our day is going to go. We know what our job holds, but how are we going to respond to what lies ahead? I have a job that has no rotine to it. I can plan ahead the day before and go to work and within just showing up, everything I had planned has gone down the drain. "Now, I can take that with a grain of salt and accept it and rearrange my entire plan and hope that, that plan will stick for the day, it might be that, I have to drop that too and go do something else right then. Or, i can decide to get angry and feel sorry for myself, because my day isn't going as planned from the start." If I chose that route each day as I get out of bed, I would one very angry, depressed, emotionally disturbed person who would be in counseling right now. But, I have chosen to take each day with a grain of salt. If things do not work out, that is okay,there must be a reason for why things changed and if I do not know why that is okay too! I look for new direction and how can I best help my other co- workers?

"Success is 90% attitude and 10% knowledge."  Thomas Edison

teal.blaze
by Member on Feb. 8, 2018 at 2:28 AM
I loved my job up until about a year ago. I struggled a lot with things when my husband left. The 2 new people (the ones that got promoted over me) are dating and I have had nothing but trouble since they started. One of them was promoted to the same position as me when he was still asking simple questions about how to do his job. Wtf? How can you be promoted to a job when you don’t even know the basics of the one you are doing? Then he was supposed to train people? The two of them would tell my bosses that I said and did things that I didn’t do. When I would say that never happened, they accused me of not realizing what I was doing because I was too distracted by my life. Why always take their word over mine? They turned my best friend at work against me because he got in trouble over something stupid and was told I was the one who told my boss. I didn’t tell my boss, he did. It took me a long time to get that trust back with my friend. Now that both of them got promoted again, they do all of the training of new people. Do you know what it’s like to get up every day and feel like you’re failing? I’m the only person in my department that has a college degree, and it seems that no matter how hard I try, it’s not good enough. It’s exhausting when every part of your life tells you that you aren’t good enough.

Quoting JkBrauer:

Life is hard and it does seem as if we all fall into this trap at least once in our lives. I know, I have been there a few times myself. I learned a lot of our success and failures land in our attitude that we take in life. We can choose every morning when we get out of bed how our day is going to go. We know what our job holds, but how are we going to respond to what lies ahead? I have a job that has no rotine to it. I can plan ahead the day before and go to work and within just showing up, everything I had planned has gone down the drain. "Now, I can take that with a grain of salt and accept it and rearrange my entire plan and hope that, that plan will stick for the day, it might be that, I have to drop that too and go do something else right then. Or, i can decide to get angry and feel sorry for myself, because my day isn't going as planned from the start." If I chose that route each day as I get out of bed, I would one very angry, depressed, emotionally disturbed person who would be in counseling right now. But, I have chosen to take each day with a grain of salt. If things do not work out, that is okay,there must be a reason for why things changed and if I do not know why that is okay too! I look for new direction and how can I best help my other co- workers?

"Success is 90% attitude and 10% knowledge."  Thomas Edison

reigns
by Member on Feb. 8, 2018 at 2:44 PM


Quoting Seashell77:

Life is often so unfair. I am really sorry this is happening at work. I really love the advice that Happychimp gave you. I couldn't have said it any better. Hang in there. Life has it's ups and downs. YOu'll be seeing many more ups ahead. 

you rock

Seashell77
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2018 at 4:31 PM

I know what it's like to have so many things happen that make you defeated or go against your plans/goals. Your current job situation is a tough one, no question. The situation with your marriage also rough. Life is often so so hard. It throws many curve balls. Feeling tired out and just plain tired period from problems is normal too. I totally understand. Try to counter that by get some added energy with B vitamins, extra sleep when you can, taking mom breaks (even at home with a good book, hobby, puzzle.....anything that makes you feel good....refreshed). we burn out and we need to put something back inside and build ourselves up! Every single one of us need to do that for our own well being. 

When we're going through extra difficult times it feels like we're the only one experiencing these hardships, but not so. All of us go through very hard things and times in life. It just comes in kinds of different ways. Some people are fighting a deadly disease, others loose a spouse or maybe even a child, like some did this year with the flu epidemic. We don't always know how hard people around us truly have it, because people keep these things private. You are not alone. You are especially not alone now, for you are in our group and we're here for you, for each other. We are glad to be supportive, lend an ear and are caring of "each other." It's such a great group of ladies here. I feel so blessed to be a part of this group.

In regard to you talking about wanting to give up, you are a mom and you have your children to live for. You have yourself too! But, your kids need you and even though sometimes it seems like us moms don't make a difference...... "we do" in spades. The role of Mother is probably the most important one of all. My son is an adult now, but looking back I realize more than ever how much my being his mom really mattered. 

What seems impossible now, may change with some time and a new opportunities present themselves. Think of previous problems you have gone through,that at the time felt impossible to get through,  that have worked out okay. It's time to give yourself credit for the problems you had, that you resolved. Instead, we so often focuse on our current problems and forget that we have the ability within to get through and resolve problms.  We have a lot more inner strength then we realize. 

You also have an added resource of your counselor to help also. Another though....with your career goals (to use your degree and work at the level you would like to work at in HR/Hospitality), maybe talk with someone at your old college (the career development dept. or similar) or alumni who graduated with your major (college will have phone numbers) to find out what you can "now" to move forward. There may be some things they have to share that you haven't thought of. 

Yes, it's realistic to know bad stuff happens to good people....to us. But just as bad things happen, so do good things. One thing I need to contantly say to mayself is "you don't know what good things are waiting for you right around the corner." 



Quoting teal.blaze:

It just feels like my entire life has been a series of nothing but downs. I want to give up. I'm tired. 10 years of things just getting worse and worse. I spent most of those years telling myself "It's ok; things will be better once xx happens." And that time never came. Things were supposed to be better once I graduated college and got a good job. Good job never happened. I was unemployed for 6 months before I found the job I have now, and everyone but me seems to get promoted. The real kicker is that these are college students who don't want to work here forever. I did. My degree is in hospitality and HR. I can't get a job in HR because I don't have any HR experience. I seem to be failing in the hospitality industry. I thought things would be easier once I wasn't driving an hour to work every day. Ended up with crazy landlords and outrageous utility bills (I'm talking $700 in January that year). Then I just told myself everything would be ok once we owned a home and didn't have to deal with that anymore. Bought a house, furnace died the first winter. Just over a year after we bought the house, my husband decided that marriage was too hard and moved out. 8 months later, he finally came back home, but has been sleeping on the couch ever since. That was last May that he moved home. I didn't get a tax refund last year because we filed joint to get more back, and the government took all of it for debts I didn't know he had, then my car died. I bought the cheapest one I could find and I hate it. It's too small for my family. Half the electronic stuff doesn't work. I paid $2000 for it, and now I don't have any savings and am living paycheck to paycheck because my husband has given me a total of $300 to help with bills in the last year, and he is a roofer that only works in the summer, so now he is not working. I feel like I'm drowning. I have days where my anxiety is so bad I can't stop shaking. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Quoting Seashell77:

Life is often so unfair. I am really sorry this is happening at work. I really love the advice that Happychimp gave you. I couldn't have said it any better. Hang in there. Life has it's ups and downs. YOu'll be seeing many more ups ahead. 

you rock



teal.blaze
by Member on Feb. 8, 2018 at 9:21 PM
1 mom liked this
I keep trying to tell myself that eventually, something’s got to give. I’m still waiting. Every time things have started to seem ok, the rug gets pulled out from under me and I have to figure out how to stand up all over again. The saying says that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I call bullshit. What doesn’t kill you makes you question everything and feel like a failure. I just want to feel like I matter to someone, like I’ve made an impact somehow. I used to think of my coworkers as some kind of extended family. Somehow in the last year that feeing is gone. It’s like I’m an outsider in my own department, like I don’t belong there anymore.

Quoting Seashell77:

I know what it's like to have so many things happen that make you defeated or go against your plans/goals. Your current job situation is a tough one, no question. The situation with your marriage also rough. Life is often so so hard. It throws many curve balls. Feeling tired out and just plain tired period from problems is normal too. I totally understand. Try to counter that by get some added energy with B vitamins, extra sleep when you can, taking mom breaks (even at home with a good book, hobby, puzzle.....anything that makes you feel good....refreshed). we burn out and we need to put something back inside and build ourselves up! Every single one of us need to do that for our own well being. 

When we're going through extra difficult times it feels like we're the only one experiencing these hardships, but not so. All of us go through very hard things and times in life. It just comes in kinds of different ways. Some people are fighting a deadly disease, others loose a spouse or maybe even a child, like some did this year with the flu epidemic. We don't always know how hard people around us truly have it, because people keep these things private. You are not alone. You are especially not alone now, for you are in our group and we're here for you, for each other. We are glad to be supportive, lend an ear and are caring of "each other." It's such a great group of ladies here. I feel so blessed to be a part of this group.

In regard to you talking about wanting to give up, you are a mom and you have your children to live for. You have yourself too! But, your kids need you and even though sometimes it seems like us moms don't make a difference...... "we do" in spades. The role of Mother is probably the most important one of all. My son is an adult now, but looking back I realize more than ever how much my being his mom really mattered. 

What seems impossible now, may change with some time and a new opportunities present themselves. Think of previous problems you have gone through,that at the time felt impossible to get through,  that have worked out okay. It's time to give yourself credit for the problems you had, that you resolved. Instead, we so often focuse on our current problems and forget that we have the ability within to get through and resolve problms.  We have a lot more inner strength then we realize. 

You also have an added resource of your counselor to help also. Another though....with your career goals (to use your degree and work at the level you would like to work at in HR/Hospitality), maybe talk with someone at your old college (the career development dept. or similar) or alumni who graduated with your major (college will have phone numbers) to find out what you can "now" to move forward. There may be some things they have to share that you haven't thought of. 

Yes, it's realistic to know bad stuff happens to good people....to us. But just as bad things happen, so do good things. One thing I need to contantly say to mayself is "you don't know what good things are waiting for you right around the corner." 

Quoting teal.blaze:

It just feels like my entire life has been a series of nothing but downs. I want to give up. I'm tired. 10 years of things just getting worse and worse. I spent most of those years telling myself "It's ok; things will be better once xx happens." And that time never came. Things were supposed to be better once I graduated college and got a good job. Good job never happened. I was unemployed for 6 months before I found the job I have now, and everyone but me seems to get promoted. The real kicker is that these are college students who don't want to work here forever. I did. My degree is in hospitality and HR. I can't get a job in HR because I don't have any HR experience. I seem to be failing in the hospitality industry. I thought things would be easier once I wasn't driving an hour to work every day. Ended up with crazy landlords and outrageous utility bills (I'm talking $700 in January that year). Then I just told myself everything would be ok once we owned a home and didn't have to deal with that anymore. Bought a house, furnace died the first winter. Just over a year after we bought the house, my husband decided that marriage was too hard and moved out. 8 months later, he finally came back home, but has been sleeping on the couch ever since. That was last May that he moved home. I didn't get a tax refund last year because we filed joint to get more back, and the government took all of it for debts I didn't know he had, then my car died. I bought the cheapest one I could find and I hate it. It's too small for my family. Half the electronic stuff doesn't work. I paid $2000 for it, and now I don't have any savings and am living paycheck to paycheck because my husband has given me a total of $300 to help with bills in the last year, and he is a roofer that only works in the summer, so now he is not working. I feel like I'm drowning. I have days where my anxiety is so bad I can't stop shaking. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Quoting Seashell77:

Life is often so unfair. I am really sorry this is happening at work. I really love the advice that Happychimp gave you. I couldn't have said it any better. Hang in there. Life has it's ups and downs. YOu'll be seeing many more ups ahead. 

you rock

Seashell77
by Gold Member on Feb. 10, 2018 at 1:06 PM

I wanted to answer you sooner. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I know it's hard when you have a lot of stuff coming at you. That saying about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I did feel like you at one point too. Now I feel proud of how I weathered so many storms and I feel I coped well and tried my best considering the circumstances. It's time you start giving yourself credit and feel pride in the storms you weathered. 

I can't give you advice with business type things. I don't have the knowledge/experience. But maybe try what I suggested before, with contacting your old school and/or talk with people in your field, they can tell you how to approach your work situation and how to move forward in your career. 

Quoting teal.blaze: I keep trying to tell myself that eventually, something’s got to give. I’m still waiting. Every time things have started to seem ok, the rug gets pulled out from under me and I have to figure out how to stand up all over again. The saying says that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I call bullshit. What doesn’t kill you makes you question everything and feel like a failure. I just want to feel like I matter to someone, like I’ve made an impact somehow. I used to think of my coworkers as some kind of extended family. Somehow in the last year that feeing is gone. It’s like I’m an outsider in my own department, like I don’t belong there anymore.
Quoting Seashell77:

I know what it's like to have so many things happen that make you defeated or go against your plans/goals. Your current job situation is a tough one, no question. The situation with your marriage also rough. Life is often so so hard. It throws many curve balls. Feeling tired out and just plain tired period from problems is normal too. I totally understand. Try to counter that by get some added energy with B vitamins, extra sleep when you can, taking mom breaks (even at home with a good book, hobby, puzzle.....anything that makes you feel good....refreshed). we burn out and we need to put something back inside and build ourselves up! Every single one of us need to do that for our own well being. 

When we're going through extra difficult times it feels like we're the only one experiencing these hardships, but not so. All of us go through very hard things and times in life. It just comes in kinds of different ways. Some people are fighting a deadly disease, others loose a spouse or maybe even a child, like some did this year with the flu epidemic. We don't always know how hard people around us truly have it, because people keep these things private. You are not alone. You are especially not alone now, for you are in our group and we're here for you, for each other. We are glad to be supportive, lend an ear and are caring of "each other." It's such a great group of ladies here. I feel so blessed to be a part of this group.

In regard to you talking about wanting to give up, you are a mom and you have your children to live for. You have yourself too! But, your kids need you and even though sometimes it seems like us moms don't make a difference...... "we do" in spades. The role of Mother is probably the most important one of all. My son is an adult now, but looking back I realize more than ever how much my being his mom really mattered. 

What seems impossible now, may change with some time and a new opportunities present themselves. Think of previous problems you have gone through,that at the time felt impossible to get through,  that have worked out okay. It's time to give yourself credit for the problems you had, that you resolved. Instead, we so often focuse on our current problems and forget that we have the ability within to get through and resolve problms.  We have a lot more inner strength then we realize. 

You also have an added resource of your counselor to help also. Another though....with your career goals (to use your degree and work at the level you would like to work at in HR/Hospitality), maybe talk with someone at your old college (the career development dept. or similar) or alumni who graduated with your major (college will have phone numbers) to find out what you can "now" to move forward. There may be some things they have to share that you haven't thought of. 

Yes, it's realistic to know bad stuff happens to good people....to us. But just as bad things happen, so do good things. One thing I need to contantly say to mayself is "you don't know what good things are waiting for you right around the corner." 



Quoting teal.blaze:

It just feels like my entire life has been a series of nothing but downs. I want to give up. I'm tired. 10 years of things just getting worse and worse. I spent most of those years telling myself "It's ok; things will be better once xx happens." And that time never came. Things were supposed to be better once I graduated college and got a good job. Good job never happened. I was unemployed for 6 months before I found the job I have now, and everyone but me seems to get promoted. The real kicker is that these are college students who don't want to work here forever. I did. My degree is in hospitality and HR. I can't get a job in HR because I don't have any HR experience. I seem to be failing in the hospitality industry. I thought things would be easier once I wasn't driving an hour to work every day. Ended up with crazy landlords and outrageous utility bills (I'm talking $700 in January that year). Then I just told myself everything would be ok once we owned a home and didn't have to deal with that anymore. Bought a house, furnace died the first winter. Just over a year after we bought the house, my husband decided that marriage was too hard and moved out. 8 months later, he finally came back home, but has been sleeping on the couch ever since. That was last May that he moved home. I didn't get a tax refund last year because we filed joint to get more back, and the government took all of it for debts I didn't know he had, then my car died. I bought the cheapest one I could find and I hate it. It's too small for my family. Half the electronic stuff doesn't work. I paid $2000 for it, and now I don't have any savings and am living paycheck to paycheck because my husband has given me a total of $300 to help with bills in the last year, and he is a roofer that only works in the summer, so now he is not working. I feel like I'm drowning. I have days where my anxiety is so bad I can't stop shaking. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Quoting Seashell77:

Life is often so unfair. I am really sorry this is happening at work. I really love the advice that Happychimp gave you. I couldn't have said it any better. Hang in there. Life has it's ups and downs. YOu'll be seeing many more ups ahead. 

you rock



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