I saw this in The Stir - Weight is something my kids and I do talk about, but in a positive way. How about you?
16-Year-Old’s ‘Fat Kid’ Memories Will Change the Way You Talk to Your Kids
Her photo is now part of movement to counteract Georgia's controversial Strong4Life anti-obesity billboards. The campaign was created by Ragen Chastein to counteract the way the billboards have taken pictures of overweight children and used them to make kids feel shameful about their bodies.
But for Kate, getting involved allows her to do something even bigger.
As the high school junior from Ann Arbor, Michigan told The Stir when we caught up with her via phone, it's a way to remind parents that the words they use can be dangerous.
Kate was the so-called fat kid. Already 80 pounds at 7 years old because of hormones, things got worse when she was put on a medicine to help control her allergies. Her weight skyrocketed even though she was a competitive swimmer getting regular exercise. Her confused parents took her to doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist, but it would take well over a year until someone finally connected the dots between the medicine and her uncontrollable hunger. By that time, Kate had gained an extra 40 pounds, and she had to fight to take it off.
"I started dieting some, and I lost it all," she says, "but I had become very self-conscious."
And then came the compliments.
"They would tell me, 'Oh Kate, you look so beautiful.' No one had ever told me that before, and it was because I'd lost weight. I felt like I had to stay that way, I had to stick to this beauty standard," she says.
The troubling part, Kate admits, is saying someone is beautiful sounds so positive. But when it was tied up into her weight loss, it had the power to make a young girl feel bad about who she'd been, and who she might become. "They thought of it as a nice thing," she explains. "But I would hope people would be aware of why they're saying this to a kid. Is it because they lost weight or because they really have always been beautiful?"
Be aware too, Kate says, of how you talk to a child who is struggling with their weight. For young Kate there were the warnings, especially from older people, not to "eat that cake, you're going to get fat again!" as if one piece of indulgence in a balanced diet were going to destroy her life. And as she struggled to take off the weight, people were fond of telling her that she ought to exercise as if she wasn't -- even though she was a competitive swimmer who was constantly on the move. The constant judgement was hard to take.
Asked if she could say one thing to parents, Kate's answer was simple.
"Be aware of what you're saying and why you're saying it. Be aware that a kid is probably really self-conscious about their weight already!"
Want to make your own statement to the world about weight bullying? Today is the last day to submit a suggestion for the official I Stand Against Weight Bullying Campaign Billboard!
Do you struggle to find the right words to talk to your kids about weight?
Love how your son wants bigger muscles! That's too cute!
Quoting Schleetle:
I talk to my children about overall health, and I tell my boys that they are handsome all the time.. Well they prefer hearing they look cool. My daughter gets told how pretty she is at least 10 times a day by DH, and me. I only really refer to weight specifically with one of my sons because he is underweight, and constantly asking me how he can get bigger muscles.
I don't talk to my son about his weight as he's only 3 years with special needs and has the overall mentality of a 1 year old...when the time comes, the conversations will be opposite as he will always need to gain weight...he has a feeding tube as he doesn't eat much by mouth.
Totally agree about it being more pressure for girls. I have one son:)
Quoting TexasKaty:
My kids are young. And I'm thankful I have boys! I think there is much bigger pressure for girls to have certain "weights"
I always talked to my kids about how beautiful and miraculous the human body is. How we should take good care of it and appreciate it now as it is, however it is. I have put down people who are obsessing about weight and such as well. I encourage a healthy diet, daily exercise and good outlook on life generally.
I ended up with an eating disorder, in part, because my mom always talked about losing weight and was uncomfortable about the fact that I was a big kid, weighing 100 lbs in 5th grade. She put me on my first diet in 6th grade. I struggled for years as an anorexic to try and fit the mold I thought I needed to fit. I swore I would never do that to my kids. I have one daughter and three sons and have never referred to being on a diet, never complained out loud when I put on a few pounds and always emphasized health, eating healthy, exercising for your heart, etc. They have all always been either on the middle or lower end of the weight charts, so it's not an issue for any of them to lose weight, but I wanted to foster a sense of taking care of you body, but making sure to separate the idea of body image from self image. Our body is just a vessel that holds our souls, it's not who we are.
I talk with my son about healthy choices. Whether those choices are food, walking home from school instead of riding, getting out and riding our bikes together instead of playing on the wii ect....I tell him that treats are ok but in moderation. I have never been a mom that totally denies sweets, we all like them every now and then. But I do try to get him to choose healthy snacks more often than not. I think the biggest way I do that is by just not keeping bad for you food in our house. If its not here then we won't eat it, plain and simple.
that is so sad :( 8 year olds should not have to go to those extremes about weight or their self image.
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on Feb. 15, 2012 at 2:14 PM