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Vent

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:24 PM
  • 13 Replies

VENT ALERT:

I am just so stressed. I have a good life...amazing family, and I'm just overwhelmed. I work for a student ministry at a church. I've worked there for 12 years. I've slowly lessened my hours as my family has grown.

It's probably time to quit and become a SAHM, but it's so hard. This has been my life since I was a teenager. My husband feels like he's doing a lot around here and he's exhausted. He's such a good husband. I've been suffering from severe anxiety for the last few months, so by the time he comes home from work, I'm useless.

He doesn't complain. If dinner isn't ready, he finds something, he bathes the kids, puts them to bed...but the house is a disaster, and I'm really not pulling my weight. Partly because of the job, partly because of anxiety. He is an amazing man and an unbelievable husband and father, but he's tired and can't do it all after working 12 hour days.

So, after a long talk, I either need to do MORE, which is overhwelming, or quit.

Then we have a student who's mother hung herself. She has no father, no siblings, no family. She has to arrange and pay for a funeral and go back into the house to dig through paperwork that they need for her assets and for info for a death cetificate.

We have helped her to pay for the funeral and go into the house (which should have been condemned), feces and dirt everywhere.) Who's going to care for this sweet girl if I don't (and I get it - someone will - but this job is so meaningful)

I have another friend who's husband is a drug addict. Yesterday, she found out she was pregnant with her second child and her husband disappeared.

I just want to be a support and help these people who need me. I think it's GOOD for my girls to see us serving others and to learn a giving spirit. I play with my kiddos and love on them every day. I think I'm a good mom, but I can be better....

I just can't do it all and I just want to do nothing but cry.

Sorry to babble.
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SabrinaLC
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:14 PM

I'm sorry.

You have a lot going on and as much as you want to, you aren't going to be able to do it all.  For a minute, put yourself first.  Take care of you, because you need to be able to care for others.  Next is going to come your family.  I know how it is to want to save everyone but you just can't.  You can help, do small things here and there but don't feel like you need to scoop them up and resue them.  

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jan. 24, 2013 at 2:18 PM

Hugs mama.  I agree 100% with Sabrina.  You have to take care of YOU for a change.  Then your family.  Is there anyone helping you in your student ministry?  Can you ask someone to assist and help with the workload and hours?

KJC119
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 3:36 PM

Agree with Sabrina and Darbyakeep45......I'm currently doing a 30 day free program about goal setting and prioritizing.  One of the challenging projects was practicing saying no, even though I badly wanted to say yes and to help. I can send you the link of the program is you're interested.  Each video is about 5-6 minutes long and it truly helps balance your life and eliminate the anxiety.  Again, it's a free program and can definitnely be helpful.  Hope this helps!

Melissa823
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 5:30 PM

We just hired someone last January to take on more of the admin part of the job. Since then, our student ministry has doubled to around 160 kids...It's all night and weekend work...so at this point - I feel like I either need to step up my game and do both, or quit. :( Either is a hard decision.


Quoting darbyakeep45:

Hugs mama.  I agree 100% with Sabrina.  You have to take care of YOU for a change.  Then your family.  Is there anyone helping you in your student ministry?  Can you ask someone to assist and help with the workload and hours?



Melissa823
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 5:30 PM

I'd like to look at the link! Thanks!


Quoting KJC119:

Agree with Sabrina and Darbyakeep45......I'm currently doing a 30 day free program about goal setting and prioritizing.  One of the challenging projects was practicing saying no, even though I badly wanted to say yes and to help. I can send you the link of the program is you're interested.  Each video is about 5-6 minutes long and it truly helps balance your life and eliminate the anxiety.  Again, it's a free program and can definitnely be helpful.  Hope this helps!



e-doolittle
by Kelly on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:25 PM

Hugs! What a hard decision...

Krysden
by Platinum Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:23 AM

.  I can see why you would feel that way, you have so much on your plate.  My 2 cents (for what ti's worth)   It is a good thing you are doing but your first priority has to be you and your family.  Then if you find you have the time (and energy) work for the student ministry.    Good Luck

cleanaturalady
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 8:59 PM

Wow.  Sounds like you are holding a lot on your shoulders.  Might be time for a job change and a rest. 

reneawesley
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:02 AM
Hugs!
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preacherskid
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:38 AM
1 mom liked this

I feel you.  DH and I work with the youth, he is the youth leader, at a small church- we say that we are the church the kids come to when the other area churches have failed or refused them.  One of our older youth just found out she is almost six months pregnant after moving away from her mom's abusive boyfriend and in with her own.  Friday she was told that today is her last day, and her boyfriend lost his job for missing work taking her to the doctor and er.  We have so many of those stories over the years, and so few good ones.  Sometimes though you have to take a step back, wearing yourself out will do no good to yourself, your family, or the young people.  I am going to preach at you a bit, so bear with me :)  Even Jesus stepped back from His ministry.  The four Gospels mention several points at which Jesus retreated somewhere isolated to be alone and pray, away from the press of everything.  If He needed it, then how much more do we need it?  What is more (and if you don't agree with this part I understand, not everyone does) how much working, good things, good examples we set will never match what has been done for us.  We should certainly give the ministry, whatever ministry we are called to, our best and no less, but we cannot give more than is there, and to constantly try harder to do more and more and more does nothing but wear us down and burn us out.

 I have been there- I work ft because DH is disabled, in exchange for living in our church parsonage he gets no check from the church, which is fair.  After I had our odd I was still able to be very active in the youth group and working with the girls.  After our second, I was not.  There was no nursery as late as youth group often lasted, and the babies were a distraction.  Then I had to change jobs to one that has more time invested, and I have been taking classes for the past year.  I had to let something go, everything was suffering because I was trying to be at every Sunday School and youth meeting, stay connected with the youth, keep up at work and with classes and the girls, I was getting stretched thin trying to do everything I thought I needed to.  So I set boundaries, and let other church members take over a Bible study for the girls in the youth group, and that was hard.  I still have a girls weekend about every four to six months, covering whatever topic they want for however long they want, and I keep in contact with them and DH updates me on everyone every week after he gets done with youth group.

The point of all this rambling is that if you don't take time out for yourself, to reevaluate your limits (and we all have them much as we want to be super women, giving all to every single aspect of our lives) and to reconnect with your calling- is your calling to ministry really to wear yourself thin trying to meet everyone's needs on your own?

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