Playtex has a new line of sex wipes and, yes, your eyes do not deceive you. They have a message for you, and it might make you blush: "A clean beaver always finds more wood."
Um ... say whaaaa?
That's just one example of a new ad campaign for the "Fresh and Sexy" wipes, which will retail for $5.99 to $7.99, depending on whether you want a pack of single-use "on the go" wipes or a big tub "for the nightstand."
The product was designed "to help couples feel confidently clean every time they engage in sexual activity," according to the press release, and Platex wanted their ad campaign to be "fun and playful and bold." Well, it's certainly bold!
While I am actually a fan of good puns, I totally get the idea of sex wipes, and I can see how they'd definitely come in handy stashed away for those moments when you're too lazy/satiated to jump out of bed right AFTER .... I'm not a fan of their effort to make us feel, well, too dirty to get some!
In case you thought the beaver joke couldn't be topped, another one of their ads proclaims, "A clean peach always gets picked."
SERIOUSLY? If I've learned one thing from all my health reporting and writing, it's that every gynecologist will tell you over-cleansing "down there" is not only unnecessary but not good for you either! You have to maintain a delicate pH balance, girls, and there's no need to go all crazy with the cleaning supplies.
At least the campaign is equal opportunity: next to an image of a doorknob, an ad says: "A polished knob always gets more turns." In another ad, a sprightly woodpecker hovers near the words, "A clean pecker always taps it." Yeeesh.
Alcohol-free and hypoallergenic, they do sound pretty refreshing, with "natural botanical" ingredients like cranberry, chamomile, and aloe. And they're flushable, which is handy.
But for reals, if someone is TOO DIRTY TO HAVE SEX, a wipe probably isn't going to do the trick. A good old-fashioned shower might be needed!
And for the rest of the time? A refreshing wipe for after the fact may really hit the ... spot (HA! GET IT?!). But there's no need to start worrying that you’re not clean enough to get "picked."
Have you ever tried a "sex wipe"? What do you think of this ad campaign?