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Kids' Health Kids' Health

4 year old daughter refuses to potty train

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 10:37 AM
  • 17 Replies

I have tried everything. Buying underwear and ironing on images that she loves, having sit on the potty, trying to get her to go diaper less (pediatricians idea). It is like she tries it and then goes back to not doing anything.  She breaks down and cries in hysterics if i try to put her in underwear she will fight putting them on and then she runs in her room to take them off. She will also go to the bathroom (sometimes) where ever she likes. I have told her she can't do that and she will ask why and i explain and then it is like to bad went anyways. I don't know if i should push it or what. She has had therapy in the past for Physical therapy and then speech therapy. They said that they think she has sensory issues, but nothings further. So should I push potty training or ride it out?

by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 10:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
PrincessZ20
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 11:47 AM

That's really tough.  If you force it, that may make her that much more stubborn.

Have you tried some sort of reward chart?  That's what did the trick for Alex.  He got stickers based on his "performance", and when he got a certain number of stickers, he'd get to go pick out a small prize, like a matchbox car.

I have a friend who potty trained her daughter by basically having her sit on the toilet most of the day for a couple of days.  They did crafts, colored, read books, etc in the bathroom. 

When she has an accident, how do you handle it?  Another friend had the problem with her daughter not using the toilet, so she made her clean up the mess (of course, it wasn't perfectly clean, but she had to give it a good effort).  But it only took one time of having to scrub up her own poop before she started using the toilet.

Others have made their kids throw away their dirty underwear (and in one case, they were princess underwear and it broke her heart to have to throw them away, lol). 

Good luck, I hope you find something that works for you soon!

PrincessZ20
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 11:47 AM

Does she still get services for the sensory issues?  Because that may be playing a role in the matter....I dunno. 

ascmyworld
by Member on Apr. 5, 2012 at 11:29 PM

no she doesn't they never said much about it nor doing anything about it.

Quoting PrincessZ20:

Does she still get services for the sensory issues?  Because that may be playing a role in the matter....I dunno. 


emmy526
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2012 at 8:45 AM

then you need to step up and get her back into them...don't wait for them to come to you...demand some help for your dd...she needs it.

Quoting ascmyworld:

no she doesn't they never said much about it nor doing anything about it.

Quoting PrincessZ20:

Does she still get services for the sensory issues?  Because that may be playing a role in the matter....I dunno. 



mandeylei
by on Apr. 6, 2012 at 8:50 AM

My ds was 3 and 1/2 when I fianally just stopped buying diapers. I just put him in undies and changed his pants 7 times a day. It took about a week, I guess he got tired of peeing himself.  Diapers are expensive, Pull-ups are rediculous. My DD is 2 and we're working on her. If I put panties on, she'll use the potty. She prefers pull ups, but then sometimes she'll get excited over her Princess or Dora panties and want to wear them. She's doing way better than ds did, but if she hits the 3 mark, im going to do the same with her.

hwifeandmom
by on Apr. 6, 2012 at 5:42 PM
1 mom liked this

Is your daughter closer to 3yrs or 5yrs?  If she's a young 4yo, I'd probably back off for 2-3 months before trying again.  It also sounds like your daughter doesn't like change very much.  I think I'd work on prepping her emotionally for the change about a month before you begin trying again.  Check your local library for books about learning to use the potty.  Pick a day to begin potty training, and maybe make a paper chain or something like that where your daughter can visually see how many days are left until she begins using the potty.  Take her to the store to help pick out a few prizes for going potty (stickers, candy, small toys, etc).  Keep it all very upbeat.

You might want to try using vinyl underpants (like what you put over cloth diapers) over the top of your daughters underpants to reduce messes.  It will also help keep the moisture close to her skin when she has an accident, which will help increase sensory awareness.

Is she afraid of the toilet itself?  Would a potty chair be better for her, or helping her find a more secure way to sit on the toilet be better for her (If you sit backwards on the toilet, facing the toilet tank, it provides more secure seating -- same if you sit all the way back when you're forward facing).

I hope you find something that works.


Holliedazey
by on Apr. 6, 2012 at 6:14 PM

Buy the dvd... Potty Power it works :)

This is the best thing ever. I trained my girl in 3 weeks with stickers and tally marks. 

www.walmart.com/ip/14706925 if this doesn't come up then go google and type in potty power dvd and amazon has it too but for some weird reason I can't copy and past the link.

Good luck!






TigerofMu
by Sonja on Apr. 6, 2012 at 6:31 PM

Does she have anything going on?  Emotional changes or challenges of any kind?  Sometimes when kids feel out of control, they try to control the things that they feel like are in their power.

PrincessZ20
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 9:35 AM

I agree.  You're her advocate, and she needs you to speak for her.  I think that's definitely something worth pursuing - to see if she qualifies for any early intervention or therapy.  It may help not only with potty training, but in other apsects of her life as well.

Good luck!!

Quoting emmy526:

then you need to step up and get her back into them...don't wait for them to come to you...demand some help for your dd...she needs it.

Quoting ascmyworld:

no she doesn't they never said much about it nor doing anything about it.

Quoting PrincessZ20:

Does she still get services for the sensory issues?  Because that may be playing a role in the matter....I dunno. 





Mrs.Ziggy
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 4:53 PM

At 4 she should be able to give you some idea of why she doesnt' want to train.  Is it just too easy to poop and pee where ever?  Is she worried about using the big potty (I try to stay away from the word afraid, kids will use it to get out of stuff)? Is she tiny for her age (might be hard to balance on the toilet)?  Is she compliant in other areas of is she overall super hardheaded and stubborn?  Do you see the sensory stuff effecting her daily life, is she sensitive to noise, textures, hates gritty things, is she super into rough housing, bounce off the walls (literally) or throw herself on the floor alot?

I've got lots of advice on your approach to training but if you can answer some of those things it will shape my advice.  Also what have you done, besides putting her in underwear what has been your approach?  Have you done the 3 day method, do you put her in underwear and then leave her to tell you, are you taking her on a schedule, what type of reward has she gotten for success, small potty or regular toilet?

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