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Kids' Health Kids' Health

4 year old daughter refuses to potty train

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I have tried everything. Buying underwear and ironing on images that she loves, having sit on the potty, trying to get her to go diaper less (pediatricians idea). It is like she tries it and then goes back to not doing anything.  She breaks down and cries in hysterics if i try to put her in underwear she will fight putting them on and then she runs in her room to take them off. She will also go to the bathroom (sometimes) where ever she likes. I have told her she can't do that and she will ask why and i explain and then it is like to bad went anyways. I don't know if i should push it or what. She has had therapy in the past for Physical therapy and then speech therapy. They said that they think she has sensory issues, but nothings further. So should I push potty training or ride it out?

by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 10:37 AM
Replies (11-17):
stephiebugg
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 5:39 PM

I would put her in panties. She doesn't want panties on, don't fight with her. Just keep the diapers out of the house. Tell her she needs to pee and poop in the potty now. Leave it at that. Change her pants seventeen times a day if you have to. Take her to the toilet every hour, sit with her and read books while she tries. I can't imagine that if you stand firm on this, without pushing, that she would continue to pee or poop anywhere. Don't cave and put diapers back on her, except maybe a pull up at night- and then keep those hidden during the day so she doesn't get into them. 
I had a VERY hard time with my DD1. We started at 2 and a half and by 4 she was off to preK and I was worried all day long that she'd have an accident. Occasionally she still does, but it's very rare. Our biggest problem was that she was too busy playing to go potty. She would wet her pants while she played, then we'd spend 15 minutes getting her cleaned up. After awhile, she started to understand that peeing on the potty means back to play faster, whereas peeing anywhere else means a 15 minute break to clean up.
We also would tell her to listen to her body. It was hard for her to focus on play and her bladder. When she did go, we'd tell her to remember what it felt like a minute ago before she got to the potty to go. We'd tell her that when she feels that way, she has to go to the bathroom.
Good luck, stand firm, she'll get it!!  

new_mom808
by Andrea on Apr. 7, 2012 at 8:08 PM

 If she has sensory issues, I agree with the others that you need to push for additional therapies. She should be old enough now that the school district will be able to help.

Mom_to_Lincoln
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 8:18 PM

Try telling her that pee and poop belong in the potty and then do a reward system where she gets a treat for going in the potty. With my ds I just left him naked from the waist down, put a potty chair in what ever room he was in and gave him candy and stickers every time he went potty in the potty.  It only a week to have him fully trained.

If she is not trained soon I would talk to the dr again and see if she thinks your dd needs to have any testing for sensory issues.

karamille
by on Apr. 8, 2012 at 11:18 PM

I think seeing a behaviorist might be a good idea too.  If she is an mid to older 4, I would just stop buying diapers and tell her she is on her own for cleaning herself up and whatever messes she makes.  She is old enough to take responsibility for her choices.   

i01proof1214
by on Apr. 8, 2012 at 11:49 PM

my son is 3 1/2 and a half and still wants nothing to do with it but his speech is delayed

sunshine86912
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 1:21 PM
Not sure what i would do
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batjmom
by Sarah on Apr. 9, 2012 at 1:59 PM
I agree

Quoting karamille:

I think seeing a behaviorist might be a good idea too.  If she is an mid to older 4, I would just stop buying diapers and tell her she is on her own for cleaning herself up and whatever messes she makes.  She is old enough to take responsibility for her choices.   

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