What is normal as far as sexual curiosity in children?

[mknight466]

I'm not sure if this is the correct topic/forum? My daughter is 5, almost 6. Each time we have visited a cousin, who is a year older than my daughter, his main agenda isn't to have fun and play with her - his focus is getting her to come into a closet with him to have her take her pants off. He asks her to sit on him, or he wants her to kiss his private area or he wants to kiss her's. This happened a year ago. When they were caught, we talked to the two of them. We didn't make them feel shamed, but let them know they were not allowed to play in a different room. I talked to my daughter and gave her the talk about how her private area is not for anyone else to touch, look at etc..... We had a good talk, I chose my words carefully and feel good about it. My sister-in-law, also, had a good talk with her son. After our talks, individually as well as talking to the two of them together, we saw that he kept trying to get her to leave the room with him. It seemed to be his obsession. this was very concerning. My sister-in-law talked to er ex-husband who told her not to worry that this behavior was normal. He talked to friends and family who all remembered a natural curiosity when they were younger. She was very upset with his lack of concern.

We have seen this family twice in the past year. He has a younger brother. He comes from a very good, caring family. His Dad did leave his Mom for another woman a little over a year ago, just before the first incident happened. We saw the family again this weekend. Sure enough, as soon as the little boy saw my daughter, his obsession to get her to be alone with him started again. They were stopped after his Mom heard him tell my daughter to come outside with him. My daughter told us that she told him, "No" that she did not want to. He told her that if she didn't, he wouldn't play with her anymore and wouldn't be her cousin. She said that after he said this that was when she was going to go outside with him.

Again, we talked to the both of them. My daughter told us everything that was said. Her male cousin, turned away, buried his face and refused to talk beyond shoulder shrugs, head shakes and head nods.

My sister-in-law is going to take him to a counselor. This behavior seems to be more than a natural curiosity. I remember being curious when I was young. I remember playing doctor, but as forceful as he seems to be - to me this is unnerving. My son's Nana was sexually abused by her own father, so is very concerned.

Any help, advice, knowledge abut what is natural and what is not would be appreciated.
Thank You -

[Xandriasmommy]

I would be concerned too, something sounds off about it. Looking, being curious, but wanting her to kiss his privates and for her to sit on him...?

[new_mom808]

 That's beyond what I would consider normal curiosity.  To me normal is " I want to see what it looks like, compare it to mine MAYBE touch it to see what it feels like." Not sit on my lap.  Is it normal for a 6 year old to even know about kissing private parts?
The fact that he tried to emotionally blackmail her to get her to go along with it is concerning.

Being from a nice family is no indication of anything. There are always neighbors, babysitters, step families etc. If I were your SIL I would have my son in counseling to determine if he's been inappropriately touched.

[frndlyfn]

Yeah to me that isnt typical behavior and says something happened for him to go beyond curious and using emotional blackmail.  It could be simply watching inappropriate shows to actually being a victim himself. I hope his mom finds a good counselor to determine what has caused this behavior.

[MamaSwan001]

He needs to be seen by a consular, that dosent seem normal expsecialy since he is trying to do it all the time after being told no and even before that he did it privately.

[karamille]

No that's learned behavor.  I would NEVER allow that child to be around my chld again. 

[mknight466]

Thank you all for your input. This is more than, "If you show me yours, I'll show you mine." Especially with how quiet and closed off he is. I'll share your responses with his Mom. Thank you!

[TerriC]

I don't think his behavior is normal.  I understand kids get curious, but asking her to touch or kiss his privates is beyond curious to me.  I hope the counselors are able to help him and figure out why he acts out like that.

[Vertical15]

I also think this is beyond typical curiosity.  I hope they are able to get to the bottom of his problem and that it doesn't effect your daughter.