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Participation (for moms of preschoolers, HELP!)

Posted by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 1:25 PM
  • 41 Replies

So when picking up my 4yo from preschool this morning the teacher pulled me aside to let me know Kaeden isn't participating and she thought this would be easing up more by now, two weeks in.

He will stand but will not put his hand on his heart or say the pledge of alligance.  He won't sing with the other kids for songs.  He won't announce himself during attendance and the teacher makes this fun by having them say different things each day.  He won't join in art projects until everyone else is already involved in their own.

She said if he doesn't start doing stuff with the class she is going to have to start taking things from him like free play, etc.  All the kids need to be joining in and with him not doing it it sets a bad example.  I totally understand everything she is saying.

We talked and she said to give him choices for things to do at home but only two and he should have to pick just one of them and stick to it.  I'm all for this-I do this already for a ton of stuff.  I guess I'm asking for more advice on this. 

What else can I do to encourage him to participate?

by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 1:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TerriC
by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 2:05 PM
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That is a tough one.  My oldest was kind of like what you are describing, but she did it because she was so shy.  The teacher actually helped her more than I could as the action was being done at school and not while she was with me.  Could it be he is just a bit shy?  I don't know if taking things away from him in class at this age is such a good idea, if he isn't doing it to be troublesome.

ardiaxe
by Member on Sep. 19, 2012 at 2:29 PM
2 moms liked this
My son was like this in his first year of preschool. I never made an issue of it, and neither did the teachers. All kids do things when they are ready and pushing it will not help. I would let my child take the time to adjust. This teacher is being a bit pushy and that wouldn't fly with me. If you want your child to build confidence in the classroom, a good friend can do wonders, since at 4 they love to imitate friends. Can you set up a playdates with one of the kids your son plays with? Also, are you allowed to sit a day and observe your son to pinpoint what the issue may be?
Anyway, at 4 my son doesn't sing with the other kids, they don't do the pledge, so that's not an issue, and he does art projects some days and other days he's not into it.
Vertical15
by Vanessa on Sep. 19, 2012 at 2:35 PM

I was thinking him just being in preschool would help but I guess its a distraction to the other kids?  He can be shy bit during free play he isn't shy so I guess thats why it bothers the teachers.  I don't really know.  He's very stonrg willed and opinionated at home but we are all different around our family.

Quoting TerriC:

That is a tough one.  My oldest was kind of like what you are describing, but she did it because she was so shy.  The teacher actually helped her more than I could as the action was being done at school and not while she was with me.  Could it be he is just a bit shy?  I don't know if taking things away from him in class at this age is such a good idea, if he isn't doing it to be troublesome.


Vertical15
by Vanessa on Sep. 19, 2012 at 2:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe she is?  I still haven't really talked to my husband about it to see his thoughts.  We are allowed to come into the classroom but I thought that would make him more shy with me there.  I don't really know the other parents and with my schedule playdates are tough to plan.

I guess maybe she is making a bigger deal of it then it is.

Quoting ardiaxe:

My son was like this in his first year of preschool. I never made an issue of it, and neither did the teachers. All kids do things when they are ready and pushing it will not help. I would let my child take the time to adjust. This teacher is being a bit pushy and that wouldn't fly with me. If you want your child to build confidence in the classroom, a good friend can do wonders, since at 4 they love to imitate friends. Can you set up a playdates with one of the kids your son plays with? Also, are you allowed to sit a day and observe your son to pinpoint what the issue may be?
Anyway, at 4 my son doesn't sing with the other kids, they don't do the pledge, so that's not an issue, and he does art projects some days and other days he's not into it.


TerriC
by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 3:02 PM
1 mom liked this
It's tough with a strong willed child! Maybe offer him an incentive that would work well for him. DQ dessert for participation, something like that? I don't know, is that bribing? Lol


Quoting Vertical15:

I was thinking him just being in preschool would help but I guess its a distraction to the other kids?  He can be shy bit during free play he isn't shy so I guess thats why it bothers the teachers.  I don't really know.  He's very stonrg willed and opinionated at home but we are all different around our family.


Quoting TerriC:


That is a tough one.  My oldest was kind of like what you are describing, but she did it because she was so shy.  The teacher actually helped her more than I could as the action was being done at school and not while she was with me.  Could it be he is just a bit shy?  I don't know if taking things away from him in class at this age is such a good idea, if he isn't doing it to be troublesome.




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egyptian_mommy
by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 3:19 PM
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It does sound like she's being a bit pushy especially for preschool. Two weeks isn't really a long time, he may need longer to adjust. Also, if he's already feeling shy and she's being pushy in front of the other kids that is not going to help him.
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new_mom808
by Andrea on Sep. 19, 2012 at 6:07 PM
1 mom liked this

 Is he being stubborn, or shy? To me there is a huge difference, and require very different approaches.

Have you asked him why?

PrincessZ20
by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 9:59 PM

Have you talked to him about why he's not participating? 

We were having problems with Alex and karate class, and it turned out that he wasn't doing as well because he was disappointed that in the big kids' class, he didn't get a sticker for his belt.  Well, that's an easy fix! 

Good luck, I hope you figure something out! 

karamille
by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 10:06 PM
1 mom liked this

Well I guess it matters whether he's doing it out of shyness.  If he's scared/timid about being there, then he probably needs more time.  If its defiance - it does need to be addressed and she does need to take steps to make him accept her as the authority figure while he is there under her care/custody/control - and the sooner she gets that established - the better.  I would go in and observe to see for yourself which is it.  Is he truly shy and not adjusting well, or is he just flat out refusing to do what is asked of him just to be be difficult.  My 3 yr old can go either way.  I have to see it to judge for myself.  

Vertical15
by Vanessa on Sep. 20, 2012 at 2:06 PM

I am so not above bribing my kids wink

Quoting TerriC:

It's tough with a strong willed child! Maybe offer him an incentive that would work well for him. DQ dessert for participation, something like that? I don't know, is that bribing? Lol


Quoting Vertical15:

I was thinking him just being in preschool would help but I guess its a distraction to the other kids?  He can be shy bit during free play he isn't shy so I guess thats why it bothers the teachers.  I don't really know.  He's very stonrg willed and opinionated at home but we are all different around our family.


Quoting TerriC:


That is a tough one.  My oldest was kind of like what you are describing, but she did it because she was so shy.  The teacher actually helped her more than I could as the action was being done at school and not while she was with me.  Could it be he is just a bit shy?  I don't know if taking things away from him in class at this age is such a good idea, if he isn't doing it to be troublesome.


 



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