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Participation (for moms of preschoolers, HELP!)

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So when picking up my 4yo from preschool this morning the teacher pulled me aside to let me know Kaeden isn't participating and she thought this would be easing up more by now, two weeks in.

He will stand but will not put his hand on his heart or say the pledge of alligance.  He won't sing with the other kids for songs.  He won't announce himself during attendance and the teacher makes this fun by having them say different things each day.  He won't join in art projects until everyone else is already involved in their own.

She said if he doesn't start doing stuff with the class she is going to have to start taking things from him like free play, etc.  All the kids need to be joining in and with him not doing it it sets a bad example.  I totally understand everything she is saying.

We talked and she said to give him choices for things to do at home but only two and he should have to pick just one of them and stick to it.  I'm all for this-I do this already for a ton of stuff.  I guess I'm asking for more advice on this. 

What else can I do to encourage him to participate?

by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 1:25 PM
Replies (41-41):
new_mom808
by Andrea on Sep. 25, 2012 at 10:14 PM

 I know. I'm sure you and the teacher can work out some sort of agreement. Hopefully she can see you as a partner. :)

Quoting Vertical15:

Thank you for your input on this.  I was worried at first on one side of making him be involved and then thought about it and like you, I don't want to force him into doing something he really doesn't.  Though I also don't want to lose such a great preschool if he won't do what the teachers are requesting.  You know what I mean?

Quoting new_mom808:

 As long as he's not being defiant about it, I would have a really hard time with punishing him for being a joiner. All you can do is encourage him and let him decide what he's comfortable with.

Quoting Vertical15:

I know I was like that.  Even going to camp every summer I remember just watching everyone.  I really just didn't want to play tag.  I enjoyed laying in the grass and watching the other kids and I would get into trouble for not wanting to participate, too.  I don't blame him but I also don't want him to lose the chance to do things because he wants to observe.

Quoting new_mom808:

 I could totally hear my kid saying that. Why should he? He's never been one to do something just because everyone else is, he needs an actual reason.

Also some kids are just observers. Not necessarily shy, but need to watch everyone, figure it out, understand the rules and social nuances, and then they are comfortable jumping in. Maybe he's one of those?

Quoting Vertical15:

He just says he doesn't want to sing.  I'm not really sure which because I've never been there to see it.

Quoting new_mom808:

 Is he being stubborn, or shy? To me there is a huge difference, and require very different approaches.

Have you asked him why?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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