Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Kids' Health Kids' Health

Not really a "health" post but a discipline post..need help & input pls.

Posted by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 11:29 PM
  • 16 Replies

 Okay...so I love my son to death and I honestly have rarely had to ever get on to him. Of course the little things but nothing big. Here's the deal. In the last year, I have had issues with him not listening to me. My boyfriend feels like I let him walk all over me. My son respects me, but sometimes it is like he'll ask me something and I'll tell him no, then he'll do it anyways so then I have to tell him no again. Ok..if that was the case what would you do?  Like example..today..he said he wanted to play ping pong but I told him no. So then he goes over to the ping pong table and picks up the paddle so my bf and I both were like we said no. Grrr...That's the main issues I have with him...nothing else honestly. He cleans his room like he should, does his homework and makes good grades...rarely gets in trouble at school. Other than that he's a great kid. He is 7 years old and in 1st grade btw.

Ok so on to what happened today. And I KNOW it was by accident and he wasn't thinking but he should not have been near my car with rocks regardless and he knows this. This evening he was playing outside with a friend of his and I was on the porch. I heard a thud and looked up and him and his friend were frozen looking at the back of my car. Apparently, my son's friend showed him a rock and my son was like eh whatever, and tossed it behind him (his back was facing the back of my car). Well when he tossed it back, the rock hit my back window. I was in shock because my entire back glass is cracked all the way across and I can literally hear it shattering. So my bf and his step Dad came over and they taped it up with electrical tape lol. But we could tell that the only thing holding it together is the tint on the inside. Anyways this is the only window NOT covered by warranty so I have no idea what I am going to do. I know I did not handle it correctly. I didn't make his friend go home, and I did not react right away mainly because I was in shock. My son NEVER does anything like this. I had called and text my son's friends Mom to come get him early but they didn't answer and ended up getting him on time. Then I went and talked to my son...I did lecture him about what happened and how serious this was. He's grounded for 1 week with no tv, no toys, no playing with friends. Basically come home, eat dinner, do homework and go to bed. Ugh. And I feel JUST AWFUL about it. :(. Crap. I feel like such an awful Mom because I don't feel that I disciplined him correctly or handled it correctly at all. I feel like I let him get away with too much. But then again I feel like I am getting too far gone in that I screwed up royally by not being on him earlier in life. Gah. Any helpful advice? And yes if you feel the need to be brutally blundt with me that's fine, it's probably what I need.

Faith, Hope & Love "I Will Have Faith in YOU, Hope For YOU To Come Home To Me & Love YOU More Every Day".
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 11:29 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Bronze Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 11:35 PM

What house rules are there and what consequences do you have for when a house rule is defied?  Regardless of how well behaved a child is, they still need that guidance and consistency.  DD is 6 and she likes to push boundaries as well.  We give one warning and if she continues to do the action she loses a privilege for a day.  She also needs to apologize if there was harm done to an object or person.

raegan1221
by on Nov. 25, 2012 at 11:40 PM

 Honestly it's just the timeout in his bedroom. There are no other siblings...it's just him and I in the house. But the more I think about it since you asked that I guess I don't have a strict/good consequence. Gah. I can't believe I let it go this long without one. I've always used timeouts though. He has been spanked before. But not a lot at all. If he is to hurt anyone or do anything like that then he must apologize as well. For this incident with the window, he apologized to me about it right away.

Quoting frndlyfn:

What house rules are there and what consequences do you have for when a house rule is defied?  Regardless of how well behaved a child is, they still need that guidance and consistency.  DD is 6 and she likes to push boundaries as well.  We give one warning and if she continues to do the action she loses a privilege for a day.  She also needs to apologize if there was harm done to an object or person.

 

Faith, Hope & Love "I Will Have Faith in YOU, Hope For YOU To Come Home To Me & Love YOU More Every Day".
frndlyfn
by Bronze Member on Nov. 25, 2012 at 11:52 PM

No worries.   I had a major fail while we traveled to the other side of country just her and i.  Totally forgot our discipline procedures and you could see the affect on her.  She is an only child as she has half siblings but they are all adults so none live here.  Timeouts can work for this age but not for more than 10 minutes otherwise it defeats purpose of timeout.  Perhaps while he is at school, think what rules you would like in the house IE.  listening and following directions first time from mommy and a concrete consequence with a defined ending point of the discipline.  I personally would not take everything away but for the destruction of car I would ground him from friends and unsupervised play time outside.  Also see if there are odd jobs around area that he can do to help pay back for fixing window.

Quoting raegan1221:

 Honestly it's just the timeout in his bedroom. There are no other siblings...it's just him and I in the house. But the more I think about it since you asked that I guess I don't have a strict/good consequence. Gah. I can't believe I let it go this long without one. I've always used timeouts though. He has been spanked before. But not a lot at all. If he is to hurt anyone or do anything like that then he must apologize as well. For this incident with the window, he apologized to me about it right away.

Quoting frndlyfn:

What house rules are there and what consequences do you have for when a house rule is defied?  Regardless of how well behaved a child is, they still need that guidance and consistency.  DD is 6 and she likes to push boundaries as well.  We give one warning and if she continues to do the action she loses a privilege for a day.  She also needs to apologize if there was harm done to an object or person.

 


sunshine86912
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 6:44 AM
1 mom liked this

 I like the advice you were given...for the car stuff!

housemommyto2
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:06 AM

I think you handled it pretty well. I don't give discipline immediately ever. I take time to think it out and make sure the "punishment" fits the crime. Your son is at an age where he is learning to control his impulses. He is not deliberately trying to do what you say not to. 

What I do with my DD (will be 7 in Jan.) when she does something after I say no, is put her in the corner or on the sofa for about 15 minutes to think about how she might control herself next time. Its getting better. 

raegan1221
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:13 AM

 Oh thank you! That sounds great. You've got some great advice there. I'll definitely take it. Really appreciate the help.

Quoting frndlyfn:

No worries.   I had a major fail while we traveled to the other side of country just her and i.  Totally forgot our discipline procedures and you could see the affect on her.  She is an only child as she has half siblings but they are all adults so none live here.  Timeouts can work for this age but not for more than 10 minutes otherwise it defeats purpose of timeout.  Perhaps while he is at school, think what rules you would like in the house IE.  listening and following directions first time from mommy and a concrete consequence with a defined ending point of the discipline.  I personally would not take everything away but for the destruction of car I would ground him from friends and unsupervised play time outside.  Also see if there are odd jobs around area that he can do to help pay back for fixing window.

Quoting raegan1221:

 Honestly it's just the timeout in his bedroom. There are no other siblings...it's just him and I in the house. But the more I think about it since you asked that I guess I don't have a strict/good consequence. Gah. I can't believe I let it go this long without one. I've always used timeouts though. He has been spanked before. But not a lot at all. If he is to hurt anyone or do anything like that then he must apologize as well. For this incident with the window, he apologized to me about it right away.

Quoting frndlyfn:

What house rules are there and what consequences do you have for when a house rule is defied?  Regardless of how well behaved a child is, they still need that guidance and consistency.  DD is 6 and she likes to push boundaries as well.  We give one warning and if she continues to do the action she loses a privilege for a day.  She also needs to apologize if there was harm done to an object or person.

 

 

 

Faith, Hope & Love "I Will Have Faith in YOU, Hope For YOU To Come Home To Me & Love YOU More Every Day".
raegan1221
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 12:17 PM

 That's a great idea how you put her in a timeout. I haven't been very stern or following through with timeouts very good. Sounds like that would work. Thank You!

Quoting housemommyto2:

I think you handled it pretty well. I don't give discipline immediately ever. I take time to think it out and make sure the "punishment" fits the crime. Your son is at an age where he is learning to control his impulses. He is not deliberately trying to do what you say not to. 

What I do with my DD (will be 7 in Jan.) when she does something after I say no, is put her in the corner or on the sofa for about 15 minutes to think about how she might control herself next time. Its getting better. 

 

Faith, Hope & Love "I Will Have Faith in YOU, Hope For YOU To Come Home To Me & Love YOU More Every Day".
karamille
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:00 PM

I swear by the book "Boundaries With Kids."  It talks about making them own their choices.  Its not you punishing them, but them chosing the outcome with the negative consequence.  As for your window... I'd make him work it off.  If it costs $200 to fix it, then he will owe you 40 hours of manual labor at $5 an hour.  Pulling weeds, washing windows, painting the fense - whatever you need done.  1 hour incriment per school day, 2 hours (divided with a good break in between) on nonschool days until he's paid up.  Max lost his angry bird hat less than 48 hours after we got it (he didn't NEED another hat, but he wanted it so I had bought it).  He cost $15 so he owed me 3 hours of labor.  The sooner they learn that there are consequenses for their actions, and the value of a dollar, the better off in life they will be.  

raegan1221
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:07 PM

 Thank you. That is really helpful. I am going to check that book out asap. I like the idea of working it off. I had thought about that before trying to decide on stuff he could do. Tonight he gathered up toys, etc that he can donate to needy families here in town...he vaccumed, dusted, cleaned his bedroom..helped me with dinner..no tv or playing. Sad thing is he is enjoying it haha. I honestly think that this is going to help us as parent and kiddo. Having no TV until 830 was pretty dang night. Because I turned it on after he went to sleep. At the rate of my window, we're looking at $450 so he's going to be working it off awhile. Thank you again. Very helpful.

Quoting karamille:

I swear by the book "Boundaries With Kids."  It talks about making them own their choices.  Its not you punishing them, but them chosing the outcome with the negative consequence.  As for your window... I'd make him work it off.  If it costs $200 to fix it, then he will owe you 40 hours of manual labor at $5 an hour.  Pulling weeds, washing windows, painting the fense - whatever you need done.  1 hour incriment per school day, 2 hours (divided with a good break in between) on nonschool days until he's paid up.  Max lost his angry bird hat less than 48 hours after we got it (he didn't NEED another hat, but he wanted it so I had bought it).  He cost $15 so he owed me 3 hours of labor.  The sooner they learn that there are consequenses for their actions, and the value of a dollar, the better off in life they will be.  

 

Faith, Hope & Love "I Will Have Faith in YOU, Hope For YOU To Come Home To Me & Love YOU More Every Day".
ardiaxe
by Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 11:42 PM

I would have handled it exactly the same way as you did, although I don't spank my kids.  I'm  not harsh, I explain why it was wrong, give a timeout and take away some toys.  It was an accident, kids will be kids, they aren't perfect little people, that's the charm of children :)

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)