Can I have your opinion? Please?

[SlumberParties]

Hi, I'm a mother of five, with several tats, and piercings. I've lived life, and know what's out there, but I'm getting a LOT of weird feelings from my mom. We've never been close, I'm the oldest and pretty much raised my siblings up until I moved out. And then she had to take over. I didn't talk to my family until I got pre. they pressured me into marrage which I really could have cared less it's only a piece of paper but anyways, I have a wonderful hubby and great kids, but when ever I ask her to watch the girls(which isn't often and never all at the same time) she makes me feel like I'm inconvencing her life, and that if I can't handle them then I shouldn't of had them. By the way I'm the black sheep in the family, my sisters have done things worse than I ever did, but could never be bad to her. Anyways, I'm getting tired of the stress, and you can't talk to the woman, everytime I do she makes me feel worse. This is why I moved out, and didn't talk to them for almost five years, any words of advice?

[FemaleRacer]

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.  I know that must be hard!!!!  There's nothing wrong with wanting a little help here and there and your mom should WANT to spend time with her grandkids.  You're not doing anything wrong--nor do you look like you can't handle your children.  I have quite a few family members who aresn't currently talking to me either---so I do feel for you!!!  I know that this may not make you feel better--but it really is their loss....

Jessica

Mom of two (going on three!)

Owner of high-risk pregnancies

[annabelles]

I know exactly what you mean.
I'm extremely close to my sister and she just had her first baby. My mom runs to help her with her baby but whenever I ask her if she could watch my 2 kids (2 & 4 years old) she gives excuses on why she can't handle my son. "He doen't sit still like the girls" " He's a handful" "He's still in diapers" So she never wants to watch them and if I finally get her to agree she get very flustered and doesn't want to see them for a while. Until...finally my sister got upset for me and told my mom " why do you treat her differently than me why is it that you have to be so rude about her son?" And I guess she told her that she didn't agree with the way she only helps her out and not only wont watch my kids but is very rude about it. Apparently it made my mom very upset because our father told us she cried for 2 days about this and refused to talk to my sister and myself. Then one day she was a different person not 100% different but enough where she started to try to bond with my son and understand him more. She is so used to girls that she just felt a boy was too much to handle. Yes he's curious and goes through her stuff...yes if there's a ladder he'll try to climb it but you have to really watch him! He's two for crying out loud. 

[cchelseaa]

Unfortunately, you can't always depend on your biological family. My mother has seen Ava the day she was born... and that was only because I had surgery afterwards and she wanted to make sure I was ok, she and my grandma had left when I was in the middle of labor, but she wouldn't hold her.
She saw her again when I asked her to meet me for coffee... just her and me and Ava.  I've seen my neighbor get more excited to see my daughter.
We haven't spoken in 7 or 8 months.  Oh yeah, she lives 10 min from us haha. And, she has seen Ava twice in a year and a half.
I just had to accept that my Mom is the way she is, and that she is not in my life anymore by her own choice. 
I know it's hard

[hawaiianhenos]

I have stress with my mother too, although it looks a lot different. my thought is, if she is so unwilling, then I would not ask her. It would only compound the situation for me to deal with that AND my kids. If you have any other support system i would turn to them (a church family, a small group, etc.). A lot of places have parents night out stuff, MOPS groups, anything to build in some help. It sounds like she has her own unresolved issues between you that SHE has never addressed but chooses to respond as she does as a result.