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Weight Loss, Fitness & Health Weight Loss, Fitness & Health
I normally do my workouts at night because its much easier when my ds is asleep and my dh is at work. My dh has been off since Friday night and doesn't go back till Wednesday night. Well when I try to exercise my dh rolls his eyes and gets irritated when I won't go to bed with him because I want to work out. I can't even cook like I want because he refuses to eat any type of veggies other than corn. I have a hard enough time keeping motivated and it just make it even harder with absolutely no support. I guess I really don't have a question other than has anyone ever been in my situation? How did you deal with it? I'm only a couple weeks into my weight loss journey and already feel like I want to give up.
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by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:38 AM
Replies (11-20):
itsm3
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:24 AM

1) talk to him about why you want to do this.  let him know that his eye-rolling will do nothing but cause fights becuase either way, you will be doing this so he can be the fight-causer or your biggest supporter.  

2) tell him he can make his own dinner if he doesn't like what you cook.  he's a grown man capable of taking care of himself.

3) pay no mind to him and his eye-rolling.  focus on YOU.  this is for YOU, for your kids and your family.

when i first started, my mom was poking fun of me and teasing me.  i didn't care though, i did it anyway because i had goals to accomplish.  if you let everyone or anything stand  in your way of accomplishing your goals (and this really goes for anything in life), you will never get anything done.

ignore those who don't want to be a part of it, just do it FOR YOU.

Idntreallycare
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:26 AM

A few women in here have unsupportive husbands. I say cook the way you want, and if he won't eat it, too bad... 

Aloysious
by Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:15 PM

First, don't give up!  He may not be giving you support, but we're here. 

And yes, I have often felt like you do, but for different reasons.  In the past when I have tried to start healthier habits, I've felt like my husband has tried to sabotage my efforts by asking me to make him dessert-usually ice cream, or complaining that there aren't any sweets in the house (read:cake).  If I told him no, make his own, he would whine and complaine that I don't take care of him.  Then he'd make this huge sundae and sit on the couch offering me bites or just teasing me that he had ice cream and I didn't.  That ploy doesn't really work since I don't really care for ice cream. 

Other times, he has insisted on getting fast food, or had late night munchies of chips and dip, or a sandwich, or some other goody that I felt he rubbed in my face.  And he complained about the food I was cooking, saying it wasn't enough for him, and he needed more to eat, but he didn't want more chicken (!). He would berate me for eating a Hershey's kiss, or anything that wasn't a vegetable, and ask if I was supposed to be eating that on my diet while he sat there with a handful of chocolates.

When I started working out at home, he used to stand there and watch me.  I hate that!  Or, he would complain dinner wasn't ready when he got home because I had gone to the gym after work. 

In the end, I told him to Fuck Off, I was doing this with or without his support, and I started cooking my own food, and then adding more stuff for him to eat.  Whenever he would ask for dessert, I would tell him to make it himself, then I would go do something else in another room while he ate it.  He wised up eventually.  Now, we go to the gym together and he asks me to make healthier dinners for both of us. 

But other posters are right-this is about you and your health.  Sometimes, as women, as wives, as mothers, we put our own needs on a back burner because we are so busy taking care of everyone else.  Now is the time to learn to put yourself first. 

Thomasmom07
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:26 PM
I have tried telling him to either eat it or not I don't care but then I end up feeling bad and give in. I've always had a hard time putting my foot down. It's time to start though.


Quoting musicpisces:

I agree- focus on YOU and YOUR health.  He'll be glad you took care of yourself when he is dealing with health issues later, and you're able to take care of him.  And perhaps he'll wish he'd jumped on board.

Make what YOU are going to make, and he can either eat it like a big boy or whine like a baby and starve or make his own food.  My hubby whines, too, and literally lives on strawberry yogurt and Diet Coke.  We've argued about it a hundred times.  He knows how I feel, and I don't even bother anymore.  But I make ONE meal, and he can choose to eat it or not.  I usually try to go with something I know he likes, or make something he doesn't like if we have leftovers of something I know he does like.  But it's always healthy (or at least 95% of the time).


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musicpisces
by Suzanne on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:31 PM

Yep- you need to start NOW.  When you cave, just like with kids, they'll walk all over you, and you only hurt yourself in the end.  He's a grown man.  He can fix himself something else if he doesn't want what you're making.  Yes, it's hard at first, but you DESERVE to be respected and to be healthy.

Quoting Thomasmom07:

I have tried telling him to either eat it or not I don't care but then I end up feeling bad and give in. I've always had a hard time putting my foot down. It's time to start though.


Quoting musicpisces:

I agree- focus on YOU and YOUR health.  He'll be glad you took care of yourself when he is dealing with health issues later, and you're able to take care of him.  And perhaps he'll wish he'd jumped on board.

Make what YOU are going to make, and he can either eat it like a big boy or whine like a baby and starve or make his own food.  My hubby whines, too, and literally lives on strawberry yogurt and Diet Coke.  We've argued about it a hundred times.  He knows how I feel, and I don't even bother anymore.  But I make ONE meal, and he can choose to eat it or not.  I usually try to go with something I know he likes, or make something he doesn't like if we have leftovers of something I know he does like.  But it's always healthy (or at least 95% of the time).



Suzanne

"Don't sacrifice what you want most for what you want right now."

Thomasmom07
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:40 PM
My dh is somewhat the same way. He loves snack food especially brownie so we will always make him a big brownie sundae eat it in front of me and it looks soooo good and so hard for me not to eat one. Somedays I just go to my room but somedays ill give in a get a small bowl vanilla ice cream. And the chips makes me want to scream I love cool ranch Doritos and he will always come home with a big bag and eat them :/ I hope if I ignore him long enough he will he will stop eating like that I front of me


Quoting Aloysious:

First, don't give up!  He may not be giving you support, but we're here. 


And yes, I have often felt like you do, but for different reasons.  In the past when I have tried to start healthier habits, I've felt like my husband has tried to sabotage my efforts by asking me to make him dessert-usually ice cream, or complaining that there aren't any sweets in the house (read:cake).  If I told him no, make his own, he would whine and complaine that I don't take care of him.  Then he'd make this huge sundae and sit on the couch offering me bites or just teasing me that he had ice cream and I didn't.  That ploy doesn't really work since I don't really care for ice cream. 


Other times, he has insisted on getting fast food, or had late night munchies of chips and dip, or a sandwich, or some other goody that I felt he rubbed in my face.  And he complained about the food I was cooking, saying it wasn't enough for him, and he needed more to eat, but he didn't want more chicken (!). He would berate me for eating a Hershey's kiss, or anything that wasn't a vegetable, and ask if I was supposed to be eating that on my diet while he sat there with a handful of chocolates.


When I started working out at home, he used to stand there and watch me.  I hate that!  Or, he would complain dinner wasn't ready when he got home because I had gone to the gym after work. 


In the end, I told him to Fuck Off, I was doing this with or without his support, and I started cooking my own food, and then adding more stuff for him to eat.  Whenever he would ask for dessert, I would tell him to make it himself, then I would go do something else in another room while he ate it.  He wised up eventually.  Now, we go to the gym together and he asks me to make healthier dinners for both of us. 


But other posters are right-this is about you and your health.  Sometimes, as women, as wives, as mothers, we put our own needs on a back burner because we are so busy taking care of everyone else.  Now is the time to learn to put yourself first. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
musicpisces
by Suzanne on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:46 PM

I wouldn't count on this.  But maybe there can be some compromise?  It took time, but DH and I found some things he likes that I can easily say no to, like spumoni ice cream or Pop Tarts.  Then he still got to have things he liked, and I didn't feel tortured if he ate it in front of me, or tempted when I saw it.  In some ways, I know DH really tries to be supportive.  I don't think he realizes how unsupportive he can be sometimes.

Quoting Thomasmom07:

My dh is somewhat the same way. He loves snack food especially brownie so we will always make him a big brownie sundae eat it in front of me and it looks soooo good and so hard for me not to eat one. Somedays I just go to my room but somedays ill give in a get a small bowl vanilla ice cream. And the chips makes me want to scream I love cool ranch Doritos and he will always come home with a big bag and eat them :/ I hope if I ignore him long enough he will he will stop eating like that I front of me


Quoting Aloysious:

First, don't give up!  He may not be giving you support, but we're here. 


And yes, I have often felt like you do, but for different reasons.  In the past when I have tried to start healthier habits, I've felt like my husband has tried to sabotage my efforts by asking me to make him dessert-usually ice cream, or complaining that there aren't any sweets in the house (read:cake).  If I told him no, make his own, he would whine and complaine that I don't take care of him.  Then he'd make this huge sundae and sit on the couch offering me bites or just teasing me that he had ice cream and I didn't.  That ploy doesn't really work since I don't really care for ice cream. 


Other times, he has insisted on getting fast food, or had late night munchies of chips and dip, or a sandwich, or some other goody that I felt he rubbed in my face.  And he complained about the food I was cooking, saying it wasn't enough for him, and he needed more to eat, but he didn't want more chicken (!). He would berate me for eating a Hershey's kiss, or anything that wasn't a vegetable, and ask if I was supposed to be eating that on my diet while he sat there with a handful of chocolates.


When I started working out at home, he used to stand there and watch me.  I hate that!  Or, he would complain dinner wasn't ready when he got home because I had gone to the gym after work. 


In the end, I told him to Fuck Off, I was doing this with or without his support, and I started cooking my own food, and then adding more stuff for him to eat.  Whenever he would ask for dessert, I would tell him to make it himself, then I would go do something else in another room while he ate it.  He wised up eventually.  Now, we go to the gym together and he asks me to make healthier dinners for both of us. 


But other posters are right-this is about you and your health.  Sometimes, as women, as wives, as mothers, we put our own needs on a back burner because we are so busy taking care of everyone else.  Now is the time to learn to put yourself first. 



Suzanne

"Don't sacrifice what you want most for what you want right now."

Kimmer331
by Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 1:11 PM

I have been in the same situation as well when I first started.  He is my ex now, but at the time I decided I needed to get in shape, he would question most anything that I would do.  He didn't like it if I left him alone to take care of our daughter (guess that was my job) unless she was sleeping.  If I could talk him in to letting me go work out I woulld get calls about an hour in asking me where  I was.  Working out at home was hard because always so much going on when everyone was awake, and working out at night was hard because like you, if I didn't go to bed with him, it was a guilt trip.  He wouldn't eat anything healthy that I would prepare so dinner was always hard with him.  He likes a lot of butter, oils,  or sauces on most everything we ate.  If I made a healthy dinner he would make something else because he didn't like it.  I was okay with that, but if I didn't eat what he had cooked it was a major ordeal.  At any rate, I got through it because I knew it was something I was doing for myself, not for him.  He would question my motives, as if there was someone else in my life.   I told him time and time again how important it was for me to stay healthy and active for our child.   I had to learn to deal with his insecurities and issues,  and know in my heart that I was doing it for me...not for him.  I had been heavy for to long and it was time to change.  I do hope that you guys can find some common ground.  

Like some others have posted, make your meal....and if he doesn't like it, he'll either eat it or cook his own.  

Does he know how important this is to you?  Does he know your reasons?  I know my story isn't greatly encouraging since he is an ex now, but there were more issues to it than that, and they were his issues that he has to deal with.  

I hope it all works out for you.  Just remember why you started this!  

GOOD LUCK!

Thomasmom07
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:11 PM
That is one thing I don't understand. He know my main reason for wanting to lose weight. I want to lose weight and get healthy again because I want another baby but I don't want to add baby weight on top of the weight I am now. We have been trying for a long time and went to the dr recently and found out I have PCOS and the dr opened my eyes to how important it is for me to lose weight if I want to be healthy and ever have another healthy baby.

My dh knows all this and just keeps telling me he doesn't believe I need to lose weight to have a baby there are tons of overweight women who have babies. I just can't get it through his head that not all over weight women also have PCOS to make it harder.


Quoting Kimmer331:

I have been in the same situation as well when I first started.  He is my ex now, but at the time I decided I needed to get in shape, he would question most anything that I would do.  He didn't like it if I left him alone to take care of our daughter (guess that was my job) unless she was sleeping.  If I could talk him in to letting me go work out I woulld get calls about an hour in asking me where  I was.  Working out at home was hard because always so much going on when everyone was awake, and working out at night was hard because like you, if I didn't go to bed with him, it was a guilt trip.  He wouldn't eat anything healthy that I would prepare so dinner was always hard with him.  He likes a lot of butter, oils,  or sauces on most everything we ate.  If I made a healthy dinner he would make something else because he didn't like it.  I was okay with that, but if I didn't eat what he had cooked it was a major ordeal.  At any rate, I got through it because I knew it was something I was doing for myself, not for him.  He would question my motives, as if there was someone else in my life.   I told him time and time again how important it was for me to stay healthy and active for our child.   I had to learn to deal with his insecurities and issues,  and know in my heart that I was doing it for me...not for him.  I had been heavy for to long and it was time to change.  I do hope that you guys can find some common ground.  

Like some others have posted, make your meal....and if he doesn't like it, he'll either eat it or cook his own.  

Does he know how important this is to you?  Does he know your reasons?  I know my story isn't greatly encouraging since he is an ex now, but there were more issues to it than that, and they were his issues that he has to deal with.  

I hope it all works out for you.  Just remember why you started this!  

GOOD LUCK!


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Kimmer331
by Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:41 PM

Wow.  I can totally understand your why.  I really wish I could give you words of advice to help you deal with him like that.  I really do have a hard time understanding people and why they routinely will try and hamper any good that you are trying to do for yourself.  I do think part of its a man thing.  He probably thinks its no big deal because its not a big deal to him, and for a lot of men it isn't.

YOU know what the doctor said.  YOU know that you want to be healthy.  YOU know this is the best thing for you.  Now its just convincing him.  Don't give up the fight when you know its for the health of you and your future child.   You have such a support system here-so if you ever need to vent or anything, please feel free to seek me out.  Sometimes, thats what we all need to do....just get it out.  Not sure if you are on FB, but you can find me there too.

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