So I'm browsing through CM and after commenting on a particular post, I've noticed some things about myself that I've never wanted to admit. I 've realized I'm not fat because I can't help it or due to my PCOS. I realized that I use my weight as a crutch. I'm always telling myself that the reason I'm single is because I'm fat and unattractive when in fact I am attractive, I just have trust issues.
I use my weight to tell myself that I can't get up and exercise when its what I need to do to lose the weight. I binge eat when I frustrated, mad, stressed out etc. I get mad at myself for eating so much so then I eat even more.
I am insecure due to a past relationship so I use food as comfort not caring that the cupcake I ate yesterday had 370 cals. Sometimes I can eat and not even feel full so I just keep eating for no reason whatsoever.
I've fallen into a pitiful cycle and I have no clue how to stop the cycle. Since creating my journal almost a month ago I've gained 4 lbs. I went from 176 to 180 and since I'm only 5'2 that puts me in the obese catergory with my BMI.
I keep losing my motivation. I'll get motivated and then after maybe 3 or 4 days lose the motivation and start eating out of control again and not caring but then looking in the mirror later and hating what I see.