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Sister problems ( long and more of a vent, sorry)

Posted by on May. 1, 2012 at 9:49 AM
  • 15 Replies

 I have two sisters, one older and one younger.  My younger sister is the problem...or actually her husband, my BIL is.  I hardly ever hear from her anymore.  It's not like i can go over to her house or call her right now.  I'm in another country for my job, and she has to let my parents and my other sister know when they can even call her on her phone because it's not always paid up.  I usually send her e-mails, which I don't see any response from for weeks.  Usually they're a couple of sentences and it's more of a "yeah I'm still alive" verification for me.  I love my sister, but she's a complete idiot for marrying her husband.  I'm the only one who hasn't stuck my nose in her business because I do know she's pissed off at my Mom and my older sister for doing so.  I'm trying to make sure I'm not burning any bridges with her because she'd cut off communication with me entirely.  And I know what everyone who's made it this far into my vent is wondering, what's the matter with BIL?

Apparently, besides the fact that he treats her like crap when she works full time and then comes home she has to pick up after his lazy messy ass and has no time to do anything.  Meanwhile, he's been sitting on his butt all day playing video games trashing the kitchen and whatever area he has decided to "settle" for the day with his gaming.  He can't work due to a car accident they were in a while back and hurt his foot. (He also REFUSES to put in for dissability or unemployment because it would make him less "manly".  Because it's not "manly" to make sure you and your spouse are okay financially?)  Here's the FUN part.  They did get a settlement to pay for the surgery to fix his foot, and he doesn't want the surgery because he's afraid of having to go through all that pain again...even though after a while through therapy he wouldn't be in pain ANYMORE!  Now he's waisting the money that should be going to pay for his surgery with some half assed idea of starting a pallet building business.  (Which he has told my other BIL and my Dad, and he could maybe make $6K a year with the speed he can put them together because of his foot pain.  Not exactly a "good" business pursuit.)

I also just found out, after having attempted to send my sister flowers for Christmas, that he was affraid of being "served" so he told the flower delivery guy he had the wrong address and my sister never got her flowers; however some unsuspecting people got a mysterious bouquet on their doorstep.  Apparently, shortly before the flower order, he was involved in a "road rage" incident.  I don't know if it was BIL or the other person who insitgated it, but in the end the other driver pulled off to the side of the road and BIL pulled in right behind him.  The other driver got out of their car to confront him, BIL pulls out a gun and points it at an UNARMED person.  The other driver ran back in their car and drove away.  Needless to say they were reported, the cops pulled BIL and my sister over and arrested them.  My little sister has had handcuffs slapped on her because of her DUMB ASS husband!  And he thinks he's a "big man" for doing this shit! (Learned from my other BIL while he was bragging to him about what happened.)  My little sister could have been hurt while he was road raging not to mention if the other driver had a gun on them too?  What the hell???!!!!! 

I love my sister, but I just don't know what happened to the girl I used to know.  The one who wouldn't put up with that kind of shit from anyone.  Her husband has taken away her self esteem and she has no confidence that she'd be able to do better. (Which I know is BULLSHIT!  She could do SO MUCH better!) 

I wish when she told him they either got married or he moved out that he had just moved out of her house and let her move on with her life. (Yes, that's the only reason they got married.)  Unfortunately, he's enjoying his free ride with her at the moment getting to sit on his ass for the rest of his life, or until my sister "wakes up" and leaves his sorry ass.  ARGH!!!! 

 

by on May. 1, 2012 at 9:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
SassyWildflower
by on May. 1, 2012 at 10:21 AM

Oh man that's rough =( Hopefully she'll realize soon and make some changes. 

sleepy_in_va
by Samantha on May. 1, 2012 at 11:36 AM


Quoting SassyWildflower:

Oh man that's rough =( Hopefully she'll realize soon and make some changes. 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
tme4mllr
by on May. 1, 2012 at 11:46 AM

 :( i hope she doesn't get hurt.  wonder if there is a sneaky way to give her some info on how to get help/recognizing signs of abuse & his controlling nature.  maybe family could see her or slip her some paperwork at her workplace without making it noticeable to her employer.  i don't know, sticky situation.

EmilyMarshall
by on May. 2, 2012 at 7:56 AM
bump


rocamom
by Platinum Member on May. 2, 2012 at 9:19 AM

Honestly you don't have to love him but support her.  You aren't going to change the situation but just let her know you are always here for HER..  If she complains about him tell her that you don't want to hear it unless she wants to make REAL changes.  Tell her you love her and here for her but she has CHOSEN this life.  You are willing to help her in ANY way she needs help but if the help means he's still inthe picture then NO.

It sounds like she's in an abusive relationship and it's almost the same as a drug addict.  If she were addicted to drugs you would get to a point where you wouldn't want to hear from her unless it's that's she wants to go to rehab.  She needs rehab from this relationship.

HANG IN THERE and GOOD LUCK!!!  ((HUGS))  Just support her with love (and prayers if you pray).  hopefully she will come around before it's to late.

hugss
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by on May. 2, 2012 at 11:44 AM

I agree with the others,
Keep those communication doors open as she will come to you eventually.
She is being used & abused & hopefully finds out before he really hurts her.
Keep us posted please & hang in there & keep being there for her :)


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Mommyof2114
by on May. 2, 2012 at 5:12 PM
Oh bummer so sorry
Aleta775
by on May. 2, 2012 at 6:02 PM

What a loser your BIL is. All I can say is that your sister will eventually have to realize what a looser she married and come around on her own. For now, just keep trying to talk to her and hopefully she will be able to leave that douche bag in the dust.

Linds2Horse
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2012 at 12:34 AM

I'm so sorry about your BIL.  I wish there was something you could do to snap sense into her, but unfortunately she has to figure this out for herself.

GCM
by on May. 3, 2012 at 6:33 AM

 

Quoting rocamom:

Honestly you don't have to love him but support her.  You aren't going to change the situation but just let her know you are always here for HER..  If she complains about him tell her that you don't want to hear it unless she wants to make REAL changes.  Tell her you love her and here for her but she has CHOSEN this life.  You are willing to help her in ANY way she needs help but if the help means he's still inthe picture then NO.

It sounds like she's in an abusive relationship and it's almost the same as a drug addict.  If she were addicted to drugs you would get to a point where you wouldn't want to hear from her unless it's that's she wants to go to rehab.  She needs rehab from this relationship.

HANG IN THERE and GOOD LUCK!!!  ((HUGS))  Just support her with love (and prayers if you pray).  hopefully she will come around before it's to late.

 She never complains about anything to me.  It's always to my older sister and her husband that hear everything that goes on because my BIL's will game together online and they talk, or my sisters will wear the headsets while their husbands are playing so they can talk. (because then little sister doesn't have to pay a phone bill.)  The only thing I EVER hear from my little sister is "sorry it's been a while since you've heard from me, I've been busy."  And that's about all I know is going on with her life...if I hear from her MAYBE 2-4 times a YEAR.  The last time I heard from her she wanted to know if the flower company had tried to re-deliver the flowers that her husband had cost the mis-delivery to.  (Yeah, not happening)  I'm just waiting to see if she finally wakes up if he goes to jail, or she ends up in jail because of him being stupid.  (Hoping that doesn't happen, but if she's still with him after being handcuffed and arrested because of him, you never know.)  *sigh*

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