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Posted by on May. 14, 2012 at 10:01 PM
  • 24 Replies

My friend committed suicide on Thursday.

she has 3 kids...

Her funeral is tomorrow... but I am not going.  Not only is it a 3  hour drive but I'm pretty angry at her... and they are calling this a celebration of life. why would I go celebrate if she didn't think life was worth celebrating?

I don't know her kids well... so I know I wont be missed by them.  The only reason I even contemplated it was because of my other girlfriends that will be going.

by on May. 14, 2012 at 10:01 PM
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by on May. 14, 2012 at 10:01 PM

am i wrong?

by on May. 14, 2012 at 10:02 PM

I don't think you are wrong.

by on May. 14, 2012 at 10:13 PM

No, I don't think you are wrong. You have to follow your own heart on this. It's very sad.

by on May. 14, 2012 at 10:14 PM

 how sad :(

No I don't think you're wrong for not attending. She wasn't a close friend and it's quite the drive. However I think it would be polite to mail them a sympathy card to let them know you're thinking of them at their time of need. I'm sorry to hear about your friend and I'll be keeping you and her family in my thoughts

by on May. 14, 2012 at 10:22 PM
Definitely not wrong. There are plenty of avenues of help for people contemplating suicide, so it wasn't her only option. You have every right to be angry.
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by on May. 14, 2012 at 11:46 PM
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Suicide is never the only option, and anger is a completely normal response to a suicide. But I have to wonder if most people know what it's really like to be suicidal. For one thing, you don't live in the same reality other people live in. You literally do not have the same thoughts, feelings, or view. Imagine feeling overwhelmed every moment of every day of your life, even in your sleep your dreams are suffocating. You feel like you're pushing a boulder uphill all the time and there is no one to help you, to let you rest, to take over the job for you. Sure, you could go ask a dr for pills, which may help. But odds are they won't (remember, you're clinically depressed so optimism isn't a physical possibility right now). Odds are you'd get pills you'd have to take for a month to see results from and then they wouldn't work so you'd have to taper off for a week or 2 and then try new ones. Then after a month the new ones have side effects so you taper off again. Now it's been 3 months and no help in sight. So take new pills, which give you a fleeting moment every now and then of normalcy, so they adjust your dosage and try to get it right, but it's really more than a regular MD is comfortable with so they refer you to a psychiatrist. And the shrink wants to hear about your childhood every week, with copays you can't afford, in order to figure out the cause of your problem.  And through every minute, every single minute of this, you have one way to make it stop. One unbelievably simple and easy way to make the misery, the suffocating feeling of having to work just to get through a day, end.  But you don't do it, because it's wrong! You have family or friends who would be affected. Someday you might find a pill to work, maybe. SO you resist the urge, every minute. Say the process to get better takes just 6 months. That's 256,200 minutes. How many of you can go on a diet for that long and not break down and cheat once? Or quit smoking and not fall off the wagon?  How easy is it to resist temptation for almost two hundred and sixty thousand consecutive minutes?  And all it takes is one slip-up. One slip-up one time and you're not working off calories from that donut or quitting smoking all over again. One slip up one time and people are refusing to go to your funeral because you were too weak, yo took the coward's way out, you didn't do enough.
My ex killed himself.  He slipped up one time, out of years and years of not slipping up.  And he gave out tons of "cries for help". It got to the point where when he finally did it, the average reaction was "I never thought he'd go through with it" because he was threatening to kill himself over everything for so long. He wasn't weak. He was strong. He fought off suicide for over ten years. Over five million minutes of fighting it off and he only stopped fighting for maybe 5 of them. 
You know how they say Guns don't kill people; people kill people? Well suicide doesn't kill people; depression kills people. It's a terminal illness sometimes.

by on May. 14, 2012 at 11:49 PM
Friends go through stages of grief, too. Suicide angers a lot of people, and that's understandable! At the same time, her having children requires extra sensitivity when handling arrangments. Let yourself grieve and feel angry. In time you'll comprehend the position many were inadvertantly thrust into with such untimely & excruciating planning.
by on May. 14, 2012 at 11:51 PM

What a sad situation. Her poor children and family!!

I don't think you're wrong. There's always another way. I think suicide is a selfish, selfish act. 

No matter how bad things get, no matter how hard things may be, there's always another way to handle it. =(

by on May. 14, 2012 at 11:55 PM
Uhg that sad and it sucks for her kids
by on May. 15, 2012 at 12:00 AM

no. and i agree that to cal lit a 'celebration of life' is a farce. i would call it a funeral. sorry that you lost your friend, but even sorrier that those kids have to go on knowing they weren't enough to make their mom stick around. i'm sure it had nothing to do with them, but if my parent did that i would never feel strong enough to make it through life.

Quoting kimmiegiggler:

am i wrong?

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