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being bullied by adult stepdaughters please help

Posted by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 9:28 PM
  • 24 Replies

    I have 2 stepdaughters. 1 is 17 and 21 they have been really stressing me out lately. my husband travels and my 21 year old and step-son-in-law are moving in and they have a baby.they both are being backstabbers, for example, they expect me to give them rides everywhere, they are rude, disrespectful, they all plot against me,to make me angry my husband doesn't see it so he doesnt believe me. this has been a battle for a long time. they say things to me that are disrespectful to see my reactions, i am sensitive so i cry. i need to ignore them and not care what they think but, im not able to. i am a babysitter for all of them. i am a housewife, with immature people living in my house, they are lazy i have tried everything to get them to stop this all of this. I am in counseling to get help. my shrink says to make a decision to go or stay. i am not sure what to do. i am stuck in a situation where i have no control over. my husband and i cant agree or meet in the middle, be on the same page. they treat me like crap. we have tried talking to them and that doesnt work. idk what to do. idk how to explain this into words. i will try. ugh 

 




RONDA L HARKINS

by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 9:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
psych_mom
by Stacy on Jul. 3, 2012 at 9:32 PM
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Rhonda, if he won't get on your side, then I would go. You don't need to continue to put yourself through what they are doing. If he doesn't believe you, record it and let him listen to it and if he still doesn't believe you then leave. You should never have to be in this situation.

Paperfishies
by Member on Jul. 3, 2012 at 9:36 PM
Give it right back to them!
Also, if you don't have a job, look into getting one so you are out of the house and away from them for 8 hours a day.
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Jukebox_Jenny
by Jenny on Jul. 3, 2012 at 9:46 PM
1 mom liked this
Gotta say I agree.


Quoting psych_mom:

Rhonda, if he won't get on your side, then I would go. You don't need to continue to put yourself through what they are doing. If he doesn't believe you, record it and let him listen to it and if he still doesn't believe you then leave. You should never have to be in this situation.


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SilverBorne
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 10:48 PM
I agree with PsychMom.

Stop giving them rides and tell them to get a bus schedule.
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Linds2Horse
by Platinum Member on Jul. 3, 2012 at 11:02 PM
So sorry
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laniramommy
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 12:03 AM
I agree !
Ofcourse his kids are important to him, and thats a good thing. But it also means it will be very hard to get him to listen to you. He might feel you are jealous of them or something?
So to get him to understand and listen, is not easy.
If he cant do that, i would leave.... This is no life for you.
The kids come included . And ofcourse you cant expect otherwise. So if they behave this way and he refuses to believe you or do something about it ,this will never get solved. So i would leave


Quoting psych_mom:

Rhonda, if he won't get on your side, then I would go. You don't need to continue to put yourself through what they are doing. If he doesn't believe you, record it and let him listen to it and if he still doesn't believe you then leave. You should never have to be in this situation.


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hugss
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by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 12:27 AM

I do agree eith the others,
First if there Dad is not on the same page as you then maybe you do need to step away.
Don

t do thngs for thrm .. they should be doing there own things.
Don't make it  a battle .. They eiither accept your rules or they can find somewhere else to live.
No fair for you to always be stressed out
I assume they are both working? If not then they better get jobs & qiickly.

Keep us poted on how this is working out.
Good luck hon :)

Mbpeaceful12
by Member on Jul. 4, 2012 at 12:41 AM

I have an idea about what you are going through. I have two stepdaughters and they are older than I am (my husband is 26 years older than I am, so my stepdaughters are 43 and 39). Fortunately they live in Kern County, CA and we are in Los Angeles. If they lived anywhere near me, I would probably be going through what you are right now or similar to it. They think of me as a gold digger because their father works two jobs while I go to school and take care of the home and our children. Back in the day, their father-my husband was into drugs, alcohol, and fast women, so he did not go beyond his G.E.D. or attain vocational skills so he is paying for his past deeds now. They are too ignorant to see that in Los Angeles, if one is not earning at least $30 an hour, he or she MUST works two jobs to make ends meet, especially when rent for a studio apartment starts off at $700 a month in the hood. I am in school so I do not have to work two jobs hopefully after I graduate. So when they come to visit they would make snide remarks about how long it is taking me to finish school, how hard their father has to work, I do not do anything to help him, and so forth. Once when we visited them, the oldest threatened me. When I told my husband about it, he talked to them, but he apologized, not them. That bothered me because if the situation was reversed or one of my relatives coming at him quite foul, he would have been extremely upset. So while they are in our business, their business is looking quite messed up. The oldest one who threatened me is a grandmother at 43, all three of her children have different fathers, and her husband (they were married for only a year) who is supposed to be a minister is in prison. The 39-year-old is married, but has five children and all seven of them are living in her mother's garage. Since their lives are pathetic and pitiful, they are looking at others to make themselves feel better.

Yes, your husband's children are important, but if you want to get Bibical or religious, what God has put together, let no man separate (Matthew 19:6). I do believe that your stepchildren (and mine) are interfering in something that they have no business in and for that, they will pay! You get back what you put out! Now someone suggested that you find work so you can be away from them an X amount of time and that is great advice. I would look into taking classes (college or vocational) also, so you can have both the education and employment history. I am not suggesting divorce at all, but if it comes a time when you have to go, you will be prepared to. When I am finished with my Credential and Master's degree (I will earn more than my husband with my one job than his two), I will prepared, too if anything else jumps off. Another tid bit of info about my stepdaughters, especially the 43 year-old, she was the reason why her mother and her stepfather got divorced.

We have pieces of work for stepchildren, don't we?

frankiesma530
by Member on Jul. 4, 2012 at 12:43 AM
I wouldn`t be helping them do a goddamn thing.
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AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Jul. 4, 2012 at 2:23 AM

Personally, I would hide a video camera in the house somewhere and turn it on while they are home.  Even if they aren't in viewing range, it should still pick up the audio if you're in the same room as the camera.

This way, when you talk to you DH about all of this, you have sufficient proof that his daughter and son-in-law are treating you this way.  If he still won't hear what you have to say after that, file for divorce and be done with it.


Normally I'd tell you "kids come first, try to reason with them if you can," but these "kids" are grown-ups with a complex.  SMH


And I see this has already been said by Stacy (the recording of it) LOL. 

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