I've been with my DH almost 3 years now! I have a SS who is 8, we share a DD who is almost 2, and we're expecting another little DD in October! In all honesty, this marriage has been rocky, full of in-law issues (MY in laws), trust issues and money problems. THE NORM, in my opinion. My in laws only accept my SS as their grandchild, they do not ackwoledge the two children I have, nor me. They do not speak to DH until he will reach a divorce. Trust issues stint from his "cyber life" while we dated that I never realized until a month into marriage. Nothing too terribly bad was said to girls, just enough to hurt my feelings. I've worked hard personally to get through it, and he hasn't done anything since. ...but I'm a girl, and trust is hard to come by. However, despite all that marriage has been pretty great. We love being married and having babies. When our DD turned one we became the coversation of another baby, and decided we'd try. 6 months later, we were on our way with another baby!
But now, half way through pregnancy, he's acting weirder and weirder towards me. I'm a SAHM, so when I finally see an adult walk through my door, I get excited. I get excited to be all up in DH's bubble about his day, because i'm around a screaming toddler all day. DH has never been overly affectionate, but it hasn't become noticeable until now. He hardly ever holds my hand, hugs me, or even really wants to sleep with me. I have to ASK for sex, and he responds with a sigh and "...I guess." ...I mean, talk about feeling sexy with that. As for the kisses, I get the same ones from my mother. They lack any meaning, what so ever.
Finally, 2 days ago he lets me know on July 4th, he'd like to spend his holiday with "no attachment" to anyone, and if I would please stay out of his way and watch our DD. I was a bit miffed by it, but I did it for the most part. He has many friends who are all cheating on their spouses, so I kind of figured this was coming, even though I trust my DH. But later that evening, after giving him what he wanted and even offering to let him sleep in the hotel room we rented where the party was, stating DD and I would go home...he flipped. He said I was annoying to be around all the time. I thought I was giving him waht he wanted, and I was actually okay with it! Then he tells me he thinks he wants a divorce. This just isnt the life he wanted, he doesn't think. He's not sure he wants another baby, that I really was the only one that wanted her. {Nevermind the two month conversation we had about trying again before we ever started trying. Where he was gung ho about another baby.} I let it go. Went to bed. WHATEVER.
The next morning, things went normal. No affection, nothing new. I surprised him by taking him some lunch to work. Upon leaving I said, "You want to kiss me bye? Say I love you?" because he just kept saying "See ya." His response was, "I could say that and kiss you, but I wouldn't mean it. I haven't forgot what I told you last night, and I just don't know I love you and want this." Naturally, as a woman and a PREGNANT woman I started bawling. I had no idea what I had done. He told me to leave and cry, or he'd call the cops and have them make me leave. I considered throwing his lunch in his face, but I left. Packed me and DD's things and got a hotel room where all me and DH's friends work and stay. Called my mom, cried for an hour while she calmed me down and spent the evening enjoying some girl time with DD.
He showed up once bringing me some tylenol, saying he knew my head was probably hurting from crying and I didn't have any medicine. Odds are one of our friends told him I had been pretty upset. I took the meds, but that was it. There was no exchange of affection. Just a "see ya." After work he arrived with his clothes asking if he could stay with us. I said yes, but we have two beds. He could sleep in one. He was showing that he wanted to be a bit affection, but I could tell he also knew he had ran his mouth a bit much and I wasn't going to just go running to his arms...unless I got a good swing at him first. But for the most part I acted pretty excited to have a break with my DD, and I think he noticed.
Upon going to bed, he said I could lay on him. I slept with DD, saying I needed to help her get to sleep. This morning we woke up, went to the grocery together where we shopping seperately. He had to leave once he dropped us off, and he puckered his lips to kiss me bye, waiting for me to kiss him back. I gave him my cheek. My response was, "You can't kiss me, but not love me." He said, "I'm sure you've kissed lots of people you didn't love." I said, "I wasn't married to them." BAZINGA. :) He said, "Well I guess I love you." NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I told him to have fun and closed the door. He tried waving to us from the window.
I texted him saying I don't want "Maybe's" or every day he feels a new way. I'm still here waiting for the husband I married and want, but I don't want anymore FAKE feelings in here. Love me or don't love me, but figure it out and then come tell me. Don't fake a kiss, don't push out an "I love you" when just yesterday you weren't sure you wanted me, or your baby. FIGURE IT OUT FIRST.
That's when I remembered something my mother told me my dad did when she was pregnant. He acted funny. Not scared but almost unsure and expressed himself in ways that hurt her feelings. My question is, is this life crisis normal? Could that be waht DH is going through? Am I crazy for putting up with this? Has anyone else had this husband?! DH is a GREAT daddy, and I really don't believe he doesn't want this baby. He use to get more upset than me in the months where I wasn't pregnant after trying. I know he wants his baby. ...but despite the children, I need a husband who wants me. It's all I want. I just want to know I'm loved by him...and I'm not feeling it.
Nothing I have to say will be nice. It won't be directed towards you, but to jacka- I mean your DH. He needs to bend over, grab his ears, pull REALLY hard and listen for the loud pop. Once his head is out of his ass then maybe you can talk some sense into him. What a jerk!!! (hugs)
c Kendall d
That is what I said originally. But I was okay with him hanging out at the pool with friends and their wives and our kids, while he drank. I'm pregnant. I can't ask him to lay around like me for 9 months. And quite honestly he's more affectionate to me with a buzz. ...but even that's gone. Now his goal is to get "fucked up." I don't like that and he knows it. Drink, relax, having a good time. That I'm okay with. Getting drunk to be stupid and wanting to be "free." ...nah. Especially while I sit there in the heat watching you act a fool and watching your toddler.
Quoting psych_mom:
Oh and to grow up... Time to stop the partying and to realize that he has a family now.
I have no real advice other than what the PP's said...BTW what happened with the court date?
Quoting inmybizz:I have no real advice other than what the PP's said...BTW what happened with the court date?
Quoting ConnorMom228:
I think it's normal for men to freak out. Give him time and space to straighten up, but don't put up with bullshit.
His court date went fine! He never took his DV classes because we couldn't afford the 100 dollars a visit. Judge said that facility isn't approved on his list anyway, so it turned out to be a blesisng we never wasted 2600 dollars on it. He found a facility 30 minutes away that's 25 dollars a class and had his first class today.
He saw a counselor today and he came back pretty happy. I think he liked having a dude to talk to that can't judge him as a friend. He's been kissing my butt all day too but I've reminded him I haven't forgot about what he said.
Quoting inmybizz:I have no real advice other than what the PP's said...BTW what happened with the court date?
10 Energy saving tips for YOUR home this Summer
- Lullabylee89
on Jul. 6, 2012 at 1:57 PM