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Feel Like I'm Drowning!

Posted by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 7:14 AM
  • 9 Replies

 Hi All!

I'm not sure if this is appropriate for me to post on this forum.  If it is not, I apologize.  If it is, I would love to hear any input you care to give!

My husband and I have been married for 5 months today.  He has two teenagers, still in high school.  I have two teenagers...one in collge and one in middle school.  I am a widow and before my husband died, we relocated here; we have no family here.  My husband grew up in this area, is divorced and has all his family here and their children have all their family.  His ex-wife is in, I guess what you would call a marriage (another story for another forum).

My husband is a wonderful man but I am feeling like that his children and what they need and where they need to go come ahead of mine.  I am a home childcare provider so I have NO flexibility when it comes to appointments during the day.  When I was alone, I was the queen of getting my kids where they needed to go...because I knew that I had no help and I HAD to do it on my own.  I will say that my son was a big help too but now he's away at college.

I have been trying to get my daughter into the orthodontist and the eye doctor for two weeks.  My husband says that he will help me.  But the minute he does, one of his kids need something and the heck with my kid.  His daughter has been sick for two weeks.  Couldn't her mother take her?  No!  Couldn't one of the many grandparents or aunts and uncles take her?  No!  Couldn't someone else pick his son up from football practice?  No.  My daughter will also be starting Jazz Ensemble which is an after school activity...no idea how I am going to get her picked up (my son did it last year).

Have any of you been though anything like this?  I feel like I am drowning without a life raft in sight!

~*~Happy Halloween~*~


  *~*Julie in Ohio*~*




 

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 7:14 AM
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Replies (1-9):
mrswillie
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 7:21 AM

Hugs, Momma. Hang in there. They say the first year of marriage is the hardest. Also, from experience, blending two families is crazy hard. (Dh & I togeter have 5. He had full custody of his oldest daughter) 

Have you considered car pooling with other parents for the Jazz and the football? Also, I hate to say it, but it sounds like you job (daycare) is not working with your family schedule. Have you considered trying to find something else?

drumlinemama
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 7:39 AM

 I have been doing childcare for going on 20 years and it has worked BEAUTIFULLY for my family!  I have not had to miss anything of my children's and especially being a widowed mom for 8 years, it was perfect.  I think what the problem is is that I let my guard down and thought I'd FINALLY have some help when in reality I am still on my own!  I will figure out a carpool for my daughter but our kids go to two different schools and I don't know anyone in my step-son's school to set up that carpool...my husband does.  His job is VERY flexible!

~*~Happy Halloween~*~


  *~*Julie in Ohio*~*




 

rocamom
by Platinum Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 7:41 AM

I haven't been in this situation but I think you and your husband should talk it out..  I can't imagine having a blended family but you both should help each other out.  Eventhough the kids are older you should treat them as if they are your own and vise versa.  I would sit down with him and say ok this is what's up and this is where I need your help.  Are you able to help or not?  Maybe you can find some says to help his kids out so he doesn't feel like he's always helping you and getting nothing in return.  I know you said your job isn't flexable but sometimes we have to make it that way. 


GOOD LUCK.. I think you both should sit down and talk it out preferable when there are no kids around (or when they are in bed)..

drumlinemama
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 7:54 AM

 Um..."roca" I thank you for your input however I am ALWAYS doing EVERYTHING for his kids!  He has full custody of them...I cook their meals, I do their laundry, I help them with their homework, I DO IT ALL!  So he is getting ALOT from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~*~Happy Halloween~*~


  *~*Julie in Ohio*~*




 

rocamom
by Platinum Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 8:04 AM

Have you told him how you feel?? 

Quoting drumlinemama:

 Um..."roca" I thank you for your input however I am ALWAYS doing EVERYTHING for his kids!  He has full custody of them...I cook their meals, I do their laundry, I help them with their homework, I DO IT ALL!  So he is getting ALOT from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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drumlinemama
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 8:15 AM

 Oh yes....ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~*~Happy Halloween~*~


  *~*Julie in Ohio*~*




 

VintageWife
by Tiffany on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:03 AM

I think I'd sit him down and try to talk about it again and if he doesn't seem to be getting it, I would tell him 'Listen, if you prefer to do things for your kids and not mine, maybe we should just raise them separately. You do all the things for your children and I'll do for mine, but I think you'll find that I am the one doing a lot for yours and it's just going to be a huge strain on yourself going about it that way."

psych_mom
by Stacy on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:03 AM

Hi Julie... Sounds like this is a classic situation that a lot of step families have to deal with. Just so you know, it takes a bout 3-5 years for a blended family to find a groove that works, but they can make it go so much easier. Your husband is going to have to start looking at all the kids as part of his family and seeing that your daughter's needs and wants are just as important as his children's.

You guys are going to need to get on the same page fast where things like after school activities are concerned and come up with a back-up plan in case there is an emergency, such as a child getting sick. If you guys can't come up with something together maybe you can find a counselor or pastor that can counsel you guys through the transition phase of blending your families so that you guys don't get so frustrated and give up.

hugss
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by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 12:28 PM

Hugs to you,
Sounds like you need to sit down with him & share what you have shared with us to him.
Remind him you are in a partnership & you *expect* him to help/do  what he can when he can.
Otherwise stop doing all for him & his kids ..
He needs to relaize all the kids are equal so to speak & you need help since your job is not as flexible as his.
Good luck :)

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