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Can we please just focus on ONE room and FINISH it?! (****Really long rant, sorry)

Posted by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 3:55 PM
  • 6 Replies

 So 8 years ongoing renovations so far at my house. This post is going to cover some backstory and a lot more, it is long and stressful, I warn you now!!

We bought the cheapest, biggest house we could, was a triplex, we took out some doors & locks and created a huge single family home. Interior is mostly lathe & plaster (yep, that old nasty stuff). We also know there is a lot of plumbing and electrical issues - discovered the knob and tube wiring in hidden junction boxes connected to new wires in the ceiling. And the list goes on...

ANYWAY... lots of rooms have issues and need to be fixed. So my hubby gets ideas for each room, what we need to do, etc. Collects materials over time so we can get started. He gets motivated to start a room, we get halfway through and something happens:

A) we run out of money/time or both
B) we run into an issue that requires more time/money to finish so it has to wait
C) hours at his work pick up and it gets delayed - for months...
D) MIL replaces appliances and hands us her old ones so we have to reconfigure our kitchen AGAIN! (and unfortunately, NO is not an option b/c her stuff is always barely used, so we take it)
E) because the room is left for a period of time, it becomes the new stash area and everytime dh wants to work on it, it's full of junk and he immediately loses interest.
F) Materials he had collected over the years and have been put aside are now lost/missing/ruined and we need to put out more money to replace them in order to continue, so we don't b/c we can't afford it.

So, during the delay... hubs ends up getting more ideas/different ideas as we work/live in the room that's half finished and realizing it would work better this way or that, etc. Had we just finished the room, it would be done and his ideas may never arise, or at least not be worried about because the room was finished and we would leave it alone. But we aren't there yet, every time we "pause" it becomes a whole new project as we dig back in and it's so exhausting!!

Kitchen has half the cupboards in it we need, no doors, not painted, dishwasher is under the island and it needs to move b/c it's a new island that's open underneath. The double oven is sitting on a ledge (not installed/not hooked up for almost a year now). The gas cooktop is upstairs in a spare bedroom b/c we don't know where it goes yet and need to run new gas line when we get that sorted out. Half my kitchen supplies are scattered between the basement (2 diff rooms), the dining room and a storage unit. Kitchen island needs to be turned, wall needs to open up to new pantry that needs to still be built.
Then there's the upstairs bathroom - walls are still not finished, no fan installed, bathtub is tiled up to 6ft, then it's still bare drywall up there, ceiling is peeling and needs to be repainted with new lights put up, no vent for heat/air, floor has a step down to hallway and we lose tons of stuff under there b/c the rest of the floors need to be levelled and raised to match up. He's got a better idea for the bathroom so we are going to gut it again - not getting finished as is.
Then there's our bedroom - installed new doors where a window was - have not removed old door, have not insulated and finished walls around the new door - ongoing 3 yrs now... Wait, what if we did this instead, and oh, look, that's a support wall and it's cracking above it, we should stop this part and fix that...
And it goes on...

Currently our 11yo son's room is completely gutted. Back to the brick on the outside walls. (This is while ds is away for the summer so we could suprise him with a new room before school starts) The walls and ceiling in his room were falling apart, so his room needed to be fixed - new outlets need to be installed and lighting too.

To complete his room we need to run new wires, frame & insulate walls, put up new ceiling, install lights/outlets, paint, build his bed and shelving. Bring old furniture back in and sweep, done!
BUT, in order to run the new wires, we need to gut the front hall back to the brick as well so we can remove knob and tube wiring and run new stuff upstairs for not only ds's room, but two of our daughter's rooms as well. And while that's opened up, new pipes for heat/air must be run up to the girls' rooms inside that wall too.
Last week was when the front hall should have been gutted, but it wasn't as the kids were home for the week (had been gone 2 weeks and are now gone for 3 more weeks) and it just didn't happen.

Now we are a week behind, and DH seems to have lost interest, so he's focussing on other projects he has on the go. Nothing that fixes the house, his hobby projects to "accent" the house...  But I need to get ds' room done. And I'd told the kids I planned on getting dd (10)'s room done too.

These kids thrive on order and structure - something our home has lacked for many many years :(. It has taken a hard toll on our family, the chaos has to stop! I need to have their rooms finished before school starts in Sept. They just have to be done, and we have less than 3 weeks left now to do it.

Money is now tight too, which doesn't help either. Part of why dh gets distracted easily, he's got the stuff already for his hobbies (free stuff he's collected) so it's less stressful to do those projects.

Yes this is a bit of a vent, more like mostly a vent, but also a cry for advice or ideas or suggestions.

We both work ft. I do my 40 hrs, he puts in sometimes 60. Right now our four kids are not at home, but pets are. I have from 5pm - 10pm daily to do something constructive but also need to feed pets, walk dog, clean cages, make dinner for dh & I... so that knocks me down to maybe 3 1/2 hrs each night - keeping with the 10pm shut down time.

I can rip out a wall in a couple hours no problem, but it's what happens after - when we find out after opening this wall, there are more horrible things hidden that are going to cost more money. Or I don't get it all cleaned up that night and it drags out to the next day and then I only have time to rip out half of the next wall, etc.

Our basement mud room needs to be done too - the kids don't have a proper place for backpacks and we do not have a front hall closet.
I can practically do the mud room by myself. Remove old furniture, paint walls - don't need to fix anything there, lighting in ceiling sucks but we can live with it for now. Add in two shelf units for shoes, hang some hooks on the wall for backpacks and then I need help hanging a closet rod for an open closet - but I want an upper & a lower and I'm not sure how to achieve that exactly.

Do I do the mud room and not worry about dd's room since it hasn't been started yet? If I just clean up her room spic and span, get the mud room, ds's room and the front hall put back together, will that be enough to feel like it's going to be more organized?

DD's room has cracked walls/ceiling too, it needs proper insulation in the walls, that room MUST get done too no matter what, before winter. It's on the outside corner of the house and it's cold in there in the winter.

I am just so frustrated, dh is too, and if he ignores that we need to continue, we don't fight. If I bring it up, we fight - no money, rooms are all messy - I am paying through the nose for a storage unit, 10ftx20ft that is jampacked with furniture and our personal items/decorations, etc., and the house is still chaotic.

I just want to focus on one room and complete it. But when each room snowball effects into the next one - wiring - that is throughout the house... how do you cope with not being able to finish each room individually because in some way they are all connected? Where is the master cheat sheet for this? I'm out of energy and the stress in our house is about to erupt into needing a new family really soon :(

I'm afraid we bit off way more than we could chew getting this house. DH wanted to smoke & mirrors add some paint and get out quick, flip it and move to the country, but I fell in love with it and voted to stay even though it's in the city and we don't love our neighbours (at all). The house is so far torn apart that even to try and make it pretty is going to cost the same amount of time and money as it would to continue fixing it properly (for the most part, since we have to put it all back together anyway) but we haven't fixes a lot of the issues so to band-aid it and move out would be SO WRONG, and we could be liable for faulty wiring, etc. because we'd updated stuff.

We are basically stuck in a house that is eating us alive (sanity and money-wise) and I'm at my wit's end. No kids for 3 weeks and I can't make a difference to make it all better :(

If you got this far, thank you for hearing me out. I'm so disgusted with how it's ended up. And I was looking forward to getting something done tonight and now dh is doing overtime already and wants me to come on the delivery with him b/c it's late at night and he wants my company to keep him awake. (if I was home on the phone doing it, I would still get nothing done b/c I can't talk and do the cleaning/construction that needs to be done)

toddler tantrumRant over, thanks again for reading! I want so badly to take time off work to stay home & finish it while the kids are gone, but then I wouldn't actually have the money to do it... between the jagged rock & the creepy hard place, that is where I seem to live.

by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 3:55 PM
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Replies (1-6):
amonkeymom
by Bronze Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 12:53 PM

Ugh, I'm sorry!

Is there any way you can sell some of the unused appliances that you don't need and hire out help from a handyman to help you get your DS's room and the front hall and mud room done?  If so, that's the way I'd go.  

jewels.unicorn
by Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 1:01 PM

 That's the problem, dh IS the handyman!! He's done renovations/construction for a living for 20 years! That's the real problem - the contractor's house is never done...:(

We could sell the unused appliances, but dh wants the new stuff from his mom and we need to run new lines for all of it before we can get rid of the other ones. So they sit in the house, in the way, making us all feel overwhelmed.

Thanks for actually reading all that, I was really afraid nobody would, it's so long. lol

After I typed this all out, I was thinking, as long as I concentrated on those three rooms and get them finished, dd's room can be done once she gets back and she can stay in the spare room where ds's stuff is now while we do hers. Then she'd be able to be part of it too.

Quoting amonkeymom:

Ugh, I'm sorry!

Is there any way you can sell some of the unused appliances that you don't need and hire out help from a handyman to help you get your DS's room and the front hall and mud room done?  If so, that's the way I'd go.  

 

amonkeymom
by Bronze Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 1:36 PM

So really, your husband just needs to stop getting distracted by other "honey-dos"  lol.  

I think focusing on those 3 areas and not worrying about the rest is best for now.

Quoting jewels.unicorn:

 That's the problem, dh IS the handyman!! He's done renovations/construction for a living for 20 years! That's the real problem - the contractor's house is never done...:(

We could sell the unused appliances, but dh wants the new stuff from his mom and we need to run new lines for all of it before we can get rid of the other ones. So they sit in the house, in the way, making us all feel overwhelmed.

Thanks for actually reading all that, I was really afraid nobody would, it's so long. lol

After I typed this all out, I was thinking, as long as I concentrated on those three rooms and get them finished, dd's room can be done once she gets back and she can stay in the spare room where ds's stuff is now while we do hers. Then she'd be able to be part of it too.

Quoting amonkeymom:

Ugh, I'm sorry!

Is there any way you can sell some of the unused appliances that you don't need and hire out help from a handyman to help you get your DS's room and the front hall and mud room done?  If so, that's the way I'd go.  

 


MamawTrain
by New Member on Aug. 7, 2014 at 1:31 AM
I feel your pain. We have been in our house 21 years and the only thing my husband has completed is his garage. I have told him many times if I had insisted it be an attached garage, I would have my family room and master bedroom by now. Chase people going through his garage would drive him nuts.
hillmom
by Bronze Member on Aug. 7, 2014 at 6:29 AM
My uncle is a mechanic. My aunt makes an appointment to have her car done, even now that he owns his own shop. Is there a way you can do something like that for you?

Quoting jewels.unicorn:

 That's the problem, dh IS the handyman!! He's done renovations/construction for a living for 20 years! That's the real problem - the contractor's house is never done...:(


We could sell the unused appliances, but dh wants the new stuff from his mom and we need to run new lines for all of it before we can get rid of the other ones. So they sit in the house, in the way, making us all feel overwhelmed.


Thanks for actually reading all that, I was really afraid nobody would, it's so long. lol


After I typed this all out, I was thinking, as long as I concentrated on those three rooms and get them finished, dd's room can be done once she gets back and she can stay in the spare room where ds's stuff is now while we do hers. Then she'd be able to be part of it too.


Quoting amonkeymom:

Ugh, I'm sorry!


Is there any way you can sell some of the unused appliances that you don't need and hire out help from a handyman to help you get your DS's room and the front hall and mud room done?  If so, that's the way I'd go.  


 

jewels.unicorn
by Member on Aug. 7, 2014 at 8:41 AM

 I would love to do that, but we just don't have the funds :(

We did however get the one wall in the front hall down last night so we can run wires, and dh decided we will do that one wall, do the wires and then finish ds's room first!! YAY!!!

Quoting hillmom: My uncle is a mechanic. My aunt makes an appointment to have her car done, even now that he owns his own shop. Is there a way you can do something like that for you?
Quoting jewels.unicorn:

 That's the problem, dh IS the handyman!! He's done renovations/construction for a living for 20 years! That's the real problem - the contractor's house is never done...:(

We could sell the unused appliances, but dh wants the new stuff from his mom and we need to run new lines for all of it before we can get rid of the other ones. So they sit in the house, in the way, making us all feel overwhelmed.

Thanks for actually reading all that, I was really afraid nobody would, it's so long. lol

After I typed this all out, I was thinking, as long as I concentrated on those three rooms and get them finished, dd's room can be done once she gets back and she can stay in the spare room where ds's stuff is now while we do hers. Then she'd be able to be part of it too.

Quoting amonkeymom:

Ugh, I'm sorry!

Is there any way you can sell some of the unused appliances that you don't need and hire out help from a handyman to help you get your DS's room and the front hall and mud room done?  If so, that's the way I'd go.  

 

 

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