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Ok Moms of other Teens.... Help me out a little bit PLEASE!

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:06 PM
  • 14 Replies

 In december my husband and I adopted a 14 year old boy. His name is Trey. He is such a good child. He is our only child and seems to not aknowledge us as his parents. Its not just him calling us mom and dad. I am 23 and my husband is 27. We are not rethinking our decision AT ALL. I am just looking for a little advice on teens from other moms!

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
okhsmom
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:12 PM

Depending on the circumstances that led to his being without parents, my guess is family counseling would be in order for you all.  Did you just suddenly become parents to him or have you had a parental role in his life before December?  If the former, then it makes sense that he doesn't see you as parents.  If the latter, he may have very strong feelings about replacing his birth parents, whether they deserve his loyalty or not. 

teritaru
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:13 PM

That's not so very long ago and he isn't an infant who will adjust very quickly. He will need a longer time to accept you really being there for him and meaning the things you say. Have you tried going to family counseling to help all of you learn how to fit in together and ways to show him that you do love and care for him as his parents and that he can always trust you to be there for him? I don't know his background from before he was with you but maybe he has reason not to be so trusting and immediately accepting of someone becoming a parents roll to him. Be patient and don't push beyond what he is willing to go with it for a while. Just let him know you care and would like it if he chose to accept you. That you are there waiting and it would make you so happy because you want him to have a great life and want to support and encourage him to get there. Good luck!

CoeyG
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:58 PM

Of course he doesn't acknowledge you as his parents...he is 14 years old and quite aware that you didn't give birth to him, so of course he isn't going to relate that you are his parents at his age.  Besides you are extremely close to his own age being less than 15 years older than he is himself.  He probably sees you moe of his contemporaries than parents.  I would say family therapy might be in order however communication is first.  You and your husband have to learn how to talk with him as a young man because that is what he is and you need to be able to express to him that you are his parents and that is how you want him to relate to you.  Good luck.

Cafe Robin
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 7:23 PM

I bet he just needs some time to adjust to his new living situation.  He may have been through a lot.

You may want to also post this on the Moms with Teens group.  Here's a link:

usmclife58
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 8:28 PM

I am sure he just needs some time to adjust. Good luck to you, and I hope things get better for you soon!

earthangel1967
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 8:37 PM

I agree with EVERyTHING everyone else already said.



LexiCouture
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 8:39 PM
Coey had a very good point :)
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shell81
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 11:39 PM

 

Quoting Cafe Robin:

I bet he just needs some time to adjust to his new living situation.  He may have been through a lot.

You may want to also post this on the Moms with Teens group.  Here's a link:

 Thanks Robin,...

To the poster. I agree that he is older so he might not ever consider you all as mom and dad. Why was he brought to you all as in what was his life like before you got him?

                                           ~Shell~
Group Owner Of ~  Tween Titans ~
Group Mod In ~
Moms With Teens ~
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The Park Bench ~

toomanypoodles
by on Mar. 3, 2011 at 12:54 AM

 Hang in there.  The teen years are tough, even tougher for an adopted kid. 

Mom2theboy1994
by on Mar. 3, 2011 at 7:28 AM
At 14 he's going to question authority any way. You need to give him time hon. He may never see you as a parent in the same manner as a child that grows up with you in that roll. All you can do is give him your best as a parent for the time you have him.
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