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Tantrums

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:22 AM
  • 9 Replies
1 mom liked this

 I've copied  some excepts from a Wall Street Journal article that some may find of interest (didn't want to post to entire article due to copyright  concerns).  A SM friend of mine with a four year old who occasionally has tantrums said she would try to implement some of the practices herein.   If you want the entire article, I can email a limited number of them per individual request.

rb

 

Tantrum Tamer: New Ways Parents Can Stop Bad Behavior

  • By SHIRLEY S. WANG   8 November 2011

Columnist's name
  • Forget everything you may have read about coping with children's temper tantrums. Time-outs, sticker charts, television denial-for many, none of these measures will actually result in long-term behavior change, according to researchers at two academic institutions.

Whether a child has violent temper tantrums or is extremely clingy, their behaviors can be curbed, according to child psychologists at Yale University and King's College London. Shirley Wang has details on Lunch Break.

Instead, a set of techniques known as "parent management training" is proving so helpful to families struggling with a child's unmanageable behavior that clinicians in the U.S. and the U.K. are starting to adopt them.

Aimed at teaching parents to encourage sustained behavior change, it was developed in part at parenting research clinics at Yale University and King's College London.

Even violent tantrums, or clinging to the point of riding on a parent's leg, can be curbed, researchers say.

......

A set of techniques known as 'parent management training' is proving helpful to families struggling with temper tantrums in children.

Simply rewarding good behavior isn't particularly effective, says Alan Kazdin, a Yale psychology professor and head of the Yale Parenting Center. "Every parent on the planet has tried charts and point programs," he says. Explaining to a child why you want them to do something, or punishing them with long time-outs, isn't effective either, he says.

Instead, the training focuses on three components known as the ABCs: the Antecedent, or the environment and events that set the stage for a tantrum or other undesirable action.

Then there is the Behavior itself, and how parents can help a child learn new behaviors, in some cases using pretend scenarios.

The Consequences component involves reinforcing a positive behavior or discouraging a negative one.

Although these principles are quite basic, they are challenging, psychologists say. They require both patience and emotional restraint from parents, who also must invest time and energy into changing their parenting practices.   ....

The effects can be beneficial for both child and parent. A nine-year study at the Oregon Social Learning Center, a nonprofit research center, looked at single mothers and children with antisocial tendencies-arguing, hitting, tantrums, extreme unwillingness to cooperate.

After the mothers went through a version of the ABCs training, not only did the children's behaviors improve over the long term, but the mothers also exhibited gains in income, occupation and education, according to the study, published last year in the journal Developmental Psychopathology.

One major tenet is to reinforce desired behavior with praise and to ignore negative behavior. Using an enthusiastic tone of voice, parents should be specific about which behavior they are praising. Say, "I asked you to pick up that toy and you did it," rather than, "You're a good girl," or "You make mommy happy." Parents should also offer a touch, Dr. Kazdin says.

It is useful to point out the desired behavior in other children-"See how nicely that boy is playing with others"-but parents should refrain from adding what he calls the "caboose"-a phrase like "Why can't you do that?"

Parents are the focus of the ABC techniques, but that doesn't mean they are the cause of tantrums, Dr. Scott says. Parents, though, should model the behavior they want in their child, such as talking respectfully to each other if they want their child to talk nicely to friends.

   ....

Before, During and After the Storm

Here are some tips that can help create lasting changes in a child's behavior:

  • Point out other children exhibiting a desired behavior. 'See how nicely that boy is sharing.' Don't add, 'Why can't you?'
  • Firmly phrase instructions in terms of what to do, instead of what not to do.
  • In case of a temper tantrum, remain calm. Describe the behavior. 'You are pretending you don't hear me when I say it's time to go.
  • Praise reasonable reactions, muted tantrums or any efforts at self-control.
  • State which behavior is being praised. 'I asked you to pick up the toys, and you did.'
  • As much as possible, ignore negative behaviors. Don't communicate desperation or beg.
  • Model the behavior you want your child to exhibit.
  • Don't give up. Some behaviors can take months for a child to master.

The therapists commended the mother for not jumping in to play every time her daughter wanted her to. It was an encouraging session, but there was more work to do, the therapists said. The daughter stayed off her mother's lap for most of the 15 minutes.

    ...

Sometimes, a small change in tone is enough. A family recently showed up at the Yale clinic, desperate for their son to be potty trained. The parents had showed him how to do it, and they had talked about why he should do it. They set up a chart to reward him with points or ice cream. The boy had used the toilet twice in six months but otherwise refused.

The parents needed to get rid of their tone of desperation, Dr. Kazdin says. Instead of begging, they were instructed to say, "You don't have to go to the toilet. When you're bigger, you'll get it."

The next day, the child began to use the toilet regularly, Dr. Kazdin recalls, and the parents were stunned. "There's no magic there," he says. In this case, the child already knew how to use the toilet. There was just something in the way the parents were setting up the situation that led him to refuse. The child was rebelling.   ...

 

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:22 AM
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Replies (1-9):
CoeyG
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:18 AM
1 mom liked this

All a parent has to do to stop a tantrum is not give it attention.  Walk away, let the child throw a fit...they will suddenly realize you're not there giving them attention and they will stop. 

betsystipo
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:11 PM
Interesting thanks for sharing
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usmclife58
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:15 PM

LOL! This actually made me giggle.

shell81
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 11:18 PM


Quoting usmclife58:

LOL! This actually made me giggle.


                                           ~Shell~
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maciymommieof3
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 11:19 PM

  reinforce desired behavior with praise and to ignore negative behavior

maciymommieof3
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 11:21 PM

 Really? Ok tell us how to do that...Please :P

Quoting maciymommieof3:

  reinforce desired behavior with praise and to ignore negative behavior

 

maciymommieof3
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 11:22 PM

 FYI...this is not my quote I got it from the "above published work"

Quoting maciymommieof3:

 Really? Ok tell us how to do that...Please :P

Quoting maciymommieof3:

  reinforce desired behavior with praise and to ignore negative behavior

 

 

HTMommy
by on Nov. 11, 2011 at 8:45 AM
So its the same as all the others. Ignore the bad praise the good with positive talk, not happy baby talk and its all good. It didn't say much about the consequences though.
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lady_author
by on Nov. 11, 2011 at 3:38 PM

 

Quoting CoeyG:

All a parent has to do to stop a tantrum is not give it attention.  Walk away, let the child throw a fit...they will suddenly realize you're not there giving them attention and they will stop. 

 Never worked for my boys.  They didn't care if they had an audience or not. When they throw a tantrum it would last for hours. DS2 would rage with his tantrums and the only thing to do to keep him from hurting someone was to use a behavior hold we were taught until the rage was over.

They still throw tantrums and they are now 10 and 11.  DS2 had a birthday on the 9th.

 

CharisprayingResting in the Lord's Hands

Gal 5:22 - 23 But the fruit that the Spirit produces in a person's life is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these kinds of things.

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