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needs advice from someone?!

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:33 AM
  • 32 Replies
Sooooo here's the problem.. my mom is dating a guy in jail... and is planning on marrying him.(at the jail) theyve only been "together" for 2 years. Half of which she was still married to my dad. She wants me and my kids to go to the wedding and I told her no...( I've spent my whole life staying out of jail why would I willing walk into one?!) She said her heart is broke because I'm not supporting her. But I know she's just gonna get hurt. When he gets out hell be a registered sex offender (ikr?!) And I don't want him around my kids.. but I don't want to loose my mom. What do I do? My husband agrees with me that he's not to be around the boys.
My sister on the other hand is all hunky dory and happy about all of this. And supports my moms decisions which makes me look like the bad daughter.

I love my mom and she's supported me in everything I've decided.. I just can't get over the whole jail thing
What should I do? Am I wrong for not going?
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:33 AM
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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:41 AM
Hhhmm that's a tough one

When is he supposed to get out of jail?

I agree with you though- I wouldn't go to a jail and watch my mom marry someone. I sure as everything would not let the guy around my kids

As adults we sometimes have to make decisions that hurt our parents but we must protect our kids. I think they come first
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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:48 AM
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Your children are your priorities at this time in your life. Stick to your gut feelings. She'll either understand or she won't. But you'll still be placing your children as the priority.

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:49 AM

I agree. I wouldn't go either. Your kids come first. Explain that to your mom and hopefully she will understand. Even if she doesn't now, she will one day. Sorry you are having to make that decision. Hugs.

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:59 AM
I also wouldn't go. I don't care how bad it looks compared to the sister going. Nor would he be around my kids.

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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:18 PM

Why on earth would a woman want to marry someone who is in jail, instead of waiting for them to get out?

Sorry you have to even ponder this decision.

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:24 PM

My husband's uncle is a RSO and I have never met the man nor do I want to or my kids! No way. No how!

The rest of the family may have forgiven him for what he did to my SIL< but I sure as hell will have nothing to do with him and he will NEVER get to see my kid. Not even if we are all there together watching closely. Period!

If he is in jail for doing something to kids I would not ever be around the guy with my kids. It is not worth it. Not sure why your mom things it is a good idea to marry him, but we do silly things when we are in love. Maybe you and mom can meet outside the house at a cafe or something instead of her house once he is out.

Sorry, not sure what to advice here really. Just be careful and huge hugs!


by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:17 PM
No wy no how would I be ping to that wedding. I think your mom is asking to much of you. The man will be on the sex offenders list and she wants you to support him. Umm no. Sorry she is asking you to do that. Good luck
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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:34 PM

Well.....I dont want to say you r wrong or right. I can only soeak from my own heart and my own head. what i think I would do in that situation, is because I love my mom,I wouldnt judge her,I would tell her that I was there for her as A DAUGHTER....and I myself would probably go to the wedding.....but I agree yhat u have to also protect your children.

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:46 PM

I say go to the wedding.  Your mother doesn't need your approval about how she chooses to live her life.  You say she has always supported you in everything you have ever wanted to's time to reciprocate.  Your mother is an adult and has the right to live her life as she sees fit, although I don't condone seeing someone while married.  If you want to keep your kids away from the man she has chosen to marry that is another issue and I can't blame you for that.  But why would you want to hurt your mother when she has been a large supporter of your's?

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:46 PM

Hi.....I am new to CafeMom, and I am new to this groupe. But i would like to share with you what i think about this situation. First This is your Mom.I know that you love her.I understand that you don't want to hurt her. So I think a compromize might be a good idea. If it were me....I would not judge her, i would be there for her to listen to her......I would probably even go to the Wedding,But.....I would not take my kids,you are also  a Mother and have a right and a duty to protect your children in many ways. I wold so be there for my mom....but she needs to understand, i think... that this is her choice not anybody elses and there will be some tuff results in making that choice. Like right now the kids r not of age to  be a part of this mans life. i would tell her that her visits with the kids....will have to be with out this man around..... but you still love her and suport her as a daughter should. this is a tuff one,Im sorry for the hard choices in life,and if you need to talk more. just give me a buzz.

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