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The Park Bench The Park Bench

Have u had Marriage counseling?

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Did it help? Thinking of doing it but don't want it to dig up dirt and hurt each other anymore than we have.

by on Apr. 11, 2012 at 10:20 AM
Replies (21-30):
robsgurl_23
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 10:31 PM

did before we were married and it didnt really help..we ended up spliting up a little while after and then got back together and worked things out and got married and are very happy now.

Charli627
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 10:40 PM
Never had
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
HTMommy
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 1:45 PM

That is very true! I forgot about the biased counselors, as well as the fact that you should probably find one that isn't going to take either side and tell you both the truth.

Quoting psych_mom:

This exactly! You also have to be willing to try more than one counselor if the first one isn't a good fit. There are those out there that are biased and will take the side of one spouse or the other.

Quoting HTMommy:

The point is not to dig up dirt and hurt eachother, the point is to learn how to communicate effectively and fix what may be broken. Marriage counseling doesn't work for everyone and you BOTH have to be willing to open up to eachother and LISTEN. If you BOTH aren't willing to try and fix it, then it makes it alot harder. Marriage is for better and for worse and takes a shit-ton of work. Sometimes its hard to see beyond the bad right in front of you, but with forgiveness and communication, I think it can help alot of people. Granted there are certain things that draw the line like abuse and stuff like that, but overall, no marraige is perfect perfect 100% of the time.



psych_mom
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 1:56 PM

My dh and I needed counseling at one point and went to a counselor, she blamed everything on me and he refused to go back. I was in one of my counseling classes at the time and we were studying marriage counseling so we decided to use what I was learning in class instead of going back to her.

Quoting HTMommy:

That is very true! I forgot about the biased counselors, as well as the fact that you should probably find one that isn't going to take either side and tell you both the truth.

Quoting psych_mom:

This exactly! You also have to be willing to try more than one counselor if the first one isn't a good fit. There are those out there that are biased and will take the side of one spouse or the other.

Quoting HTMommy:

The point is not to dig up dirt and hurt eachother, the point is to learn how to communicate effectively and fix what may be broken. Marriage counseling doesn't work for everyone and you BOTH have to be willing to open up to eachother and LISTEN. If you BOTH aren't willing to try and fix it, then it makes it alot harder. Marriage is for better and for worse and takes a shit-ton of work. Sometimes its hard to see beyond the bad right in front of you, but with forgiveness and communication, I think it can help alot of people. Granted there are certain things that draw the line like abuse and stuff like that, but overall, no marraige is perfect perfect 100% of the time.




VintageWife
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 1:58 PM

Yes and it didn't help.

HTMommy
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 2:16 PM

Thats great that you learned she wasn't right and that you had experience enough to know from class that you could use for your own agenda and help yourselves!

Quoting psych_mom:

My dh and I needed counseling at one point and went to a counselor, she blamed everything on me and he refused to go back. I was in one of my counseling classes at the time and we were studying marriage counseling so we decided to use what I was learning in class instead of going back to her.

Quoting HTMommy:

That is very true! I forgot about the biased counselors, as well as the fact that you should probably find one that isn't going to take either side and tell you both the truth.

Quoting psych_mom:

This exactly! You also have to be willing to try more than one counselor if the first one isn't a good fit. There are those out there that are biased and will take the side of one spouse or the other.

Quoting HTMommy:

The point is not to dig up dirt and hurt eachother, the point is to learn how to communicate effectively and fix what may be broken. Marriage counseling doesn't work for everyone and you BOTH have to be willing to open up to eachother and LISTEN. If you BOTH aren't willing to try and fix it, then it makes it alot harder. Marriage is for better and for worse and takes a shit-ton of work. Sometimes its hard to see beyond the bad right in front of you, but with forgiveness and communication, I think it can help alot of people. Granted there are certain things that draw the line like abuse and stuff like that, but overall, no marraige is perfect perfect 100% of the time.





psych_mom
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 2:32 PM

Definitely. Our marriage did a 180 and got back on track and now we are happier than we have ever been. I also learned from that experience that I don't want to be a marriage counselor, but I know that I can look at both sides of the story and not be biased because there are two sides to every story and no one is perfect and people make mistakes. Marriage coaching can also be a big help instead of counseling and it actually focuses more on the future and working with the couple where they set goals together and work together toward the change that needs to take place without focusing on the mistakes that took place in the past.

Quoting HTMommy:

Thats great that you learned she wasn't right and that you had experience enough to know from class that you could use for your own agenda and help yourselves!

Quoting psych_mom:

My dh and I needed counseling at one point and went to a counselor, she blamed everything on me and he refused to go back. I was in one of my counseling classes at the time and we were studying marriage counseling so we decided to use what I was learning in class instead of going back to her.

Quoting HTMommy:

That is very true! I forgot about the biased counselors, as well as the fact that you should probably find one that isn't going to take either side and tell you both the truth.

Quoting psych_mom:

This exactly! You also have to be willing to try more than one counselor if the first one isn't a good fit. There are those out there that are biased and will take the side of one spouse or the other.

Quoting HTMommy:

The point is not to dig up dirt and hurt eachother, the point is to learn how to communicate effectively and fix what may be broken. Marriage counseling doesn't work for everyone and you BOTH have to be willing to open up to eachother and LISTEN. If you BOTH aren't willing to try and fix it, then it makes it alot harder. Marriage is for better and for worse and takes a shit-ton of work. Sometimes its hard to see beyond the bad right in front of you, but with forgiveness and communication, I think it can help alot of people. Granted there are certain things that draw the line like abuse and stuff like that, but overall, no marraige is perfect perfect 100% of the time.






HTMommy
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 2:39 PM

YES! I believe in forgiving and moving on, but its sad that so many think its all about bringing up the past and throwing dirt into old wounds. I don't understand that vindictive mentality. "Lets go to couseling so we can hurt eachother some more" SMH

Glad you figured it out and are doing good with it. Its inspiring!

Quoting psych_mom:

Definitely. Our marriage did a 180 and got back on track and now we are happier than we have ever been. I also learned from that experience that I don't want to be a marriage counselor, but I know that I can look at both sides of the story and not be biased because there are two sides to every story and no one is perfect and people make mistakes. Marriage coaching can also be a big help instead of counseling and it actually focuses more on the future and working with the couple where they set goals together and work together toward the change that needs to take place without focusing on the mistakes that took place in the past.

Quoting HTMommy:

Thats great that you learned she wasn't right and that you had experience enough to know from class that you could use for your own agenda and help yourselves!

Quoting psych_mom:

My dh and I needed counseling at one point and went to a counselor, she blamed everything on me and he refused to go back. I was in one of my counseling classes at the time and we were studying marriage counseling so we decided to use what I was learning in class instead of going back to her.

Quoting HTMommy:

That is very true! I forgot about the biased counselors, as well as the fact that you should probably find one that isn't going to take either side and tell you both the truth.

Quoting psych_mom:

This exactly! You also have to be willing to try more than one counselor if the first one isn't a good fit. There are those out there that are biased and will take the side of one spouse or the other.

Quoting HTMommy:

The point is not to dig up dirt and hurt eachother, the point is to learn how to communicate effectively and fix what may be broken. Marriage counseling doesn't work for everyone and you BOTH have to be willing to open up to eachother and LISTEN. If you BOTH aren't willing to try and fix it, then it makes it alot harder. Marriage is for better and for worse and takes a shit-ton of work. Sometimes its hard to see beyond the bad right in front of you, but with forgiveness and communication, I think it can help alot of people. Granted there are certain things that draw the line like abuse and stuff like that, but overall, no marraige is perfect perfect 100% of the time.







psych_mom
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 2:46 PM

What they don't realize counseling is actually about the opposite. You figure out what the issue is, decide if you can live with it, compromise, or what and then you deal with it however you decided to deal with it. I think marriage counseling should be a requirement before you even say I do- for things like helping people be able to better communicate, compromise and things like that.

Quoting HTMommy:

YES! I believe in forgiving and moving on, but its sad that so many think its all about bringing up the past and throwing dirt into old wounds. I don't understand that vindictive mentality. "Lets go to couseling so we can hurt eachother some more" SMH

Glad you figured it out and are doing good with it. Its inspiring!

Quoting psych_mom:

Definitely. Our marriage did a 180 and got back on track and now we are happier than we have ever been. I also learned from that experience that I don't want to be a marriage counselor, but I know that I can look at both sides of the story and not be biased because there are two sides to every story and no one is perfect and people make mistakes. Marriage coaching can also be a big help instead of counseling and it actually focuses more on the future and working with the couple where they set goals together and work together toward the change that needs to take place without focusing on the mistakes that took place in the past.

Quoting HTMommy:

Thats great that you learned she wasn't right and that you had experience enough to know from class that you could use for your own agenda and help yourselves!

Quoting psych_mom:

My dh and I needed counseling at one point and went to a counselor, she blamed everything on me and he refused to go back. I was in one of my counseling classes at the time and we were studying marriage counseling so we decided to use what I was learning in class instead of going back to her.

Quoting HTMommy:

That is very true! I forgot about the biased counselors, as well as the fact that you should probably find one that isn't going to take either side and tell you both the truth.

Quoting psych_mom:

This exactly! You also have to be willing to try more than one counselor if the first one isn't a good fit. There are those out there that are biased and will take the side of one spouse or the other.

Quoting HTMommy:

The point is not to dig up dirt and hurt eachother, the point is to learn how to communicate effectively and fix what may be broken. Marriage counseling doesn't work for everyone and you BOTH have to be willing to open up to eachother and LISTEN. If you BOTH aren't willing to try and fix it, then it makes it alot harder. Marriage is for better and for worse and takes a shit-ton of work. Sometimes its hard to see beyond the bad right in front of you, but with forgiveness and communication, I think it can help alot of people. Granted there are certain things that draw the line like abuse and stuff like that, but overall, no marraige is perfect perfect 100% of the time.








HTMommy
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 2:47 PM

I agree! Well said!

Quoting psych_mom:

What they don't realize counseling is actually about the opposite. You figure out what the issue is, decide if you can live with it, compromise, or what and then you deal with it however you decided to deal with it. I think marriage counseling should be a requirement before you even say I do- for things like helping people be able to better communicate, compromise and things like that.

Quoting HTMommy:

YES! I believe in forgiving and moving on, but its sad that so many think its all about bringing up the past and throwing dirt into old wounds. I don't understand that vindictive mentality. "Lets go to couseling so we can hurt eachother some more" SMH

Glad you figured it out and are doing good with it. Its inspiring!

Quoting psych_mom:

Definitely. Our marriage did a 180 and got back on track and now we are happier than we have ever been. I also learned from that experience that I don't want to be a marriage counselor, but I know that I can look at both sides of the story and not be biased because there are two sides to every story and no one is perfect and people make mistakes. Marriage coaching can also be a big help instead of counseling and it actually focuses more on the future and working with the couple where they set goals together and work together toward the change that needs to take place without focusing on the mistakes that took place in the past.

Quoting HTMommy:

Thats great that you learned she wasn't right and that you had experience enough to know from class that you could use for your own agenda and help yourselves!

Quoting psych_mom:

My dh and I needed counseling at one point and went to a counselor, she blamed everything on me and he refused to go back. I was in one of my counseling classes at the time and we were studying marriage counseling so we decided to use what I was learning in class instead of going back to her.

Quoting HTMommy:

That is very true! I forgot about the biased counselors, as well as the fact that you should probably find one that isn't going to take either side and tell you both the truth.

Quoting psych_mom:

This exactly! You also have to be willing to try more than one counselor if the first one isn't a good fit. There are those out there that are biased and will take the side of one spouse or the other.

Quoting HTMommy:

The point is not to dig up dirt and hurt eachother, the point is to learn how to communicate effectively and fix what may be broken. Marriage counseling doesn't work for everyone and you BOTH have to be willing to open up to eachother and LISTEN. If you BOTH aren't willing to try and fix it, then it makes it alot harder. Marriage is for better and for worse and takes a shit-ton of work. Sometimes its hard to see beyond the bad right in front of you, but with forgiveness and communication, I think it can help alot of people. Granted there are certain things that draw the line like abuse and stuff like that, but overall, no marraige is perfect perfect 100% of the time.









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