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The Park Bench The Park Bench

I'm a little frustrated by my friend and I'm not sure if I should be-PIOG

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:36 AM
  • 17 Replies

So I met my friend through a depression and bipolar support group. The thing is that she also has aspergers along with the bipolar. I don't know too much about aspergers other than that it is a form of autism. She is very high functioning and has even told me on several different occasions that she is aware when her aspergers is "showing". In my honest opinion, if you are aware of something then you should be able to control it a bit more than she seems to do but like I said I don't know much about the disorder. I get frustrated with her bc she is always doing her own thing and whenever she asks me to hang out with her and I can, I do, even if that means hanging out in gay/lesbian clubs when I am totally straight. I wouldn't mind so much if every time I have a suggestion on what we do, she declines my offers and goes and does her own thing. Is that part of the asperger's or is it just that she is an artist and a free spirit? I don't want to be upset with her over something she can't control but like I said she is totally aware of as she puts it "my asperger's is showing." I would love to hear from some of you ladies who have experience with loved ones who either have asperger's or autism, bc I am kind of at a loss right now.

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mom22tumblebugs
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:27 AM

Some people with aspergers focus only on their interests and can talk at length about it, and not recognize non-verbal cues that their listener is not interested in discussing the topic.

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/aspergers-syndrome-in-adults.html

dizzy77702
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:57 AM

thanks, I guess it's just weird bc I always thought with autism and asperger's that the person would be uncomfortable around strangers or in different environments, I thought those on the autism spectrum had problems socializing or interacting with others appropriately.  I am starting to think that she is a self diagnosed person with asperger's and what her main issue is is the bipolar disorder, make sense?  I think it's a copout I really do.  Just a way for her to do and say whatever she wants to with little regard for the feelings of others.

Quoting mom22tumblebugs:

Some people with aspergers focus only on their interests and can talk at length about it, and not recognize non-verbal cues that their listener is not interested in discussing the topic.

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/aspergers-syndrome-in-adults.html


mom22tumblebugs
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:17 AM

I drive an 11 yr old girl who has aspergers, and I can honestly tell you, it is not a cop out. She is the most sociable girl I know. Makes great eye contact and is intelligent beyond belief. You can have an intelligent converstation with her, beyond what you normally would b/c she in her mind has analyzed and theorized everything about the topic. She can talk about the topic with a passion that is almost dramatic. She can be aware, usually after the fact when others become annoyed by her, if she is overstimulated, ovverwhelmed, or uncomfortable in a situation. Oh, and she is very affectionate. She will give me a hug goodbye everyday, so she does not have personal space issues like some with autism.

Forget everything you know, or don't know, about autism and aspergers. It affects everyone differently. As long as you know that this person is hard wired to be like this, and she might not always make sense to you, the easier it will be to be around her.

Just be straightforward with her. If you don't like to go to gay hangouts, just say so and suggest someplace more acceptable that you wouldn't mind going with her.

LivinDeadGurl
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:19 AM

Not all of them do. The autism spectrum has so many variations that there really isn't a set of "rules" so to speak that they all follow. From what I know of aspergers, a lot of people with it tend to focus on what makes them happy and they don't understand why those same things don't make everyone happy. They can appear self-absorbed. 

Quoting dizzy77702:

thanks, I guess it's just weird bc I always thought with autism and asperger's that the person would be uncomfortable around strangers or in different environments, I thought those on the autism spectrum had problems socializing or interacting with others appropriately.  I am starting to think that she is a self diagnosed person with asperger's and what her main issue is is the bipolar disorder, make sense?  I think it's a copout I really do.  Just a way for her to do and say whatever she wants to with little regard for the feelings of others.

Quoting mom22tumblebugs:

Some people with aspergers focus only on their interests and can talk at length about it, and not recognize non-verbal cues that their listener is not interested in discussing the topic.

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/aspergers-syndrome-in-adults.html



mom22tumblebugs
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:04 AM

This man goes through a list of typical symptoms of aspergers, and it is very insightful how aspergers/autism affects his perception of the world around him and the way he functions in it.

Lindalou907
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:32 AM

I think if you don't want to do those things with your friend,just say no,if she wants to hang with you she'll have to compromise,you have been very kind so far!

HTMommy
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:02 PM

Personally, I agree with the above. You have been very accomodating to her, and if she is so high functioning than you can tell her that she can do other things and its not all about her. I don't believe that people that have problems should be fed into so-to-speak and always get their way with friends and family because that NOT how the world works. You don't always get to do what YOU want to do because the world doesn't revolve around you. Its not a mean thing, its just the truth. I understand she has other things going on, but if she's a true friend worth keeping you guys both will find a compromise.

ihave1
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:07 PM
a friend of mine as that, never would have known it if she didnt tell.
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ihave1
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:07 PM
a friend of mine as that, never would have known it if she didnt tell.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MeganGallagher
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:26 PM
I would be annoyed. I don't thi k it has Nything to do with Aspergers though. At least I don't think so
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