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The Park Bench The Park Bench

Am I just worrying too much?

Posted by on May. 17, 2012 at 9:38 PM
  • 21 Replies
My DS is 2 and loves the movie Cars and Cars 2. We have a routinue where we will watch one of those movies, sometimes both after his nap. After the movies are done I turn on the news and try to get some "grown up" tv time. Everytime I change it he throws a tantrum, tears and all. My DH and my mom has seen this and tell me to just to make sure he's safe and ignore his tantrum. After a while he will stop, but I am so worried that if I let him "cry it out" he'll have issues as an adult. Am I just being a over-worrying first time mom?
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by on May. 17, 2012 at 9:38 PM
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smile357
by on May. 17, 2012 at 10:59 PM

My son is 10 and has been playing the same "game" since he was about that age. If they cry and show tears parents tend to leave the show or whatever it is on...hense kids no matter what age learn that weeping gets me what I want. 

I was a very soft parent for a very long time. Plus my child has other issues so it was a little more challenging but that won't hurt the child. It will benifit him in the long run to know boundry's.  Now I'm not such a nice one and he's learning to enjoy what he has.

I hope this helps a little

maxsmom11807
by on May. 17, 2012 at 11:12 PM

awh sounds like he's 2,, cry it out bad for the brain is something they are finding in infants, my son does worse when I let him cry however he's 4-1/2 and very strong willed which has the opposite affect, if you are not comfortable, ignore for 2 minutes, calmm then 4 minutes, then calm him, etc,

 all mom's over worry, more so when you are a first time. I am a first and only time mom and I worry constantly.. ever\y step of the way then I look back past that stage age and phase and think, wow, that wasn't worth worrying about.,. all the way along I've done that so far



mels712
by on May. 17, 2012 at 11:40 PM
1 mom liked this

even a small child can master manipulation and that is what he has done. A tantrum or 2 wont hurt him a bit. however giving in everytime he has one could create a spoiled child. Right now he's the boss of tv time and he knows it. Parents should be the boss but it is easy for the power to shift

emandab
by on May. 17, 2012 at 11:46 PM
1 mom liked this

You have to put your foot down.  That doesn't have to mean being a horrible yelling screaming mom when he throws a fit.  Lol yelling doesn't work, I've done it.  Tell him what the consequences are for throwing a fit.  Tell him if he throws a tantrum he's going to the corner/time out spot/ his room and he will still not get what he wants.  Having a fit in his room and not being able to come out till he is done and not getting his way will show him that a tantrum or crocodile tears will not get him what he wants.  I would send my dd to her room and tell her she couldn't come out till she stopped fussing and decided to be a good girl.  Didn't take but a few times before I couldn't even get the door closed and she was already telling me she was done fussing.  And she wasn't even two yet.  I can't ignore tantrums right in front of me, cause the crying drives me batty, so I just pick them up and set them on their bed, tell them they can't come out till they are done, and close the door. Don't give in and be consistent. And you can do all that without being a mean momma lol. He has to learn his boundaries or you will have a spoiled whinny brat on your hands.  And the older they get the harder it is to teach them.  

CoeyG
by on May. 18, 2012 at 12:57 AM

If you give in to his tantrums then he will be in control of your home for the rest of his life, then see how many issues he has when he is an adult.  Ignore the tantrums, he does that to try and get you to relinquish control to him.  So who is going to be running your home?  Make the choice, you, or your toddler?

Browncoat4eva
by on May. 18, 2012 at 4:19 AM
1 mom liked this

Hon, 2 yr olds throw tantrums. It's part of their learning just how much control they can exhibit over the world, and over you.

This is a stage kids go through-- need to go through, no matter how small. It helps teach them patience, that they're not the center of the universe, that they have to cooperate, that life is not full of instant gratification and that there are better ways to handle matters.

No, ignoring a tantrum won't give him issues as an adult. He's not in real distress. You're not ignoring his needs, you're ignoring his bad behavior.

Tantrums are an attempt to get attention, to control and manipulate those around them. This is what their little heads are figuring out-- what can I do?

If you give him what he wants, you are doing him a terrible, terrible disservice. You're creating an illusion for him that will not hold up in the world and teach him poor values. His tantrums will just get worse as he gets older and he will not grow out of the stage. They will be harder for you to handle and he will become more and more demanding.

To give him attention to sooth and quiet him down is also a bad idea. It's a reward for the tantrum. You might as well give him an ice cream cone and say, "that's wonderful! You will be rewarded whenever you do that!"After that, everytime he feels like he wants your attention, or wants to control you because he's annoyed with you for not giving him the thing he wanted, he'll throw a tantrum just to get a rise out of you. Again, giving him attention is encouraging/rewarding tantrums.

This is called positive reinforcement-- the child gets something good for the behavior. So he does the behavior more. You don't want to reinforce bad behavior-- ever.

Your mom is right-- the kindest, most responsible thing you can do for him is to ignore tantrums-- make sure he can't hurt himself, put him on a time out-- and teach him that his fussing will get him no satisfaction at all. The sooner he realizes that he gets nothing but ignored, the sooner he'll stop doing it.

Peace, and all that jazz...


~Mackenzie 


a Browncoat4eva 


...I'm a leaf on the wind. Watch me soar...

TheJerseyGirl
by on May. 18, 2012 at 5:04 AM

 Thats called the terrible 2's and if I remember right...my boys also loved their shows and movies and also werent too happy if you took over the tv for a while! I wouldnt worry about him at all..sounds perfectly normal.

bhow
by on May. 18, 2012 at 8:22 AM

you are over reacting and if you give him the attention he wants...HE WILL HAVE ISSUES AS AN ADULT.  he needs to know that life is not all about him.  my daughter used to insist i carry her up the steps when she was completely capable of walking so I would just leave her there and she would have her fit for how ever long and eventually forget why she is fitting and come up stairs.  she is 14 and completely adjusted to life.  she doesn't expect people to cater to her or wait on her hand and foot and doesn't have an air of expectancy like so many young adults do these days.  she likes doing for herself and needs to if she is going to survive life.

earthangel1967
by on May. 18, 2012 at 4:03 PM

He wants you to give him an audience.

As a mattter of fact a funny story of what my own son (now almost 25) did when he was 2, he would throw wild temper tantrums and throw himself on the floor just wailing like someone was killing him, the pediatrician told me to say "We can talk when you talk nice" then ignore him totally and walk away, out of the room even if possible, I had a tiny 1 bedroom apt at the time but I'd go in a different room and he would stop crying for a second and go find me and then THROW himself on the floor at my feet and resume screaming and crying, and so I'd go in a different room and he's stop long enough to go to where I was at and then THROW himself on the floor and scream and cry. hahaha  Eventually he got the picture and stopped. I wasnt playing the game.  It's not mean at all and Jesse turned out great. : D

YVONNE

Charli627
by on May. 18, 2012 at 4:41 PM
Lol everyone has already said it!
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