See what CafeMoms are saying about saving time this holiday season..
I was reading an article today about how to salvage a terrible first date. The premise of the article was a man and a woman had gone out, had a wonderful time, then the man tried to compliment the woman by saying such things as "healthy", "Kardashian-figured" and "curvy for an Asian woman". As you may guess the evening did not end well.
The rest of the article went on to mention ways the evening could have been salvaged but at no point in time did it mention (what I consider) the obvious: Don't talk about the bodies of people you don't know! It is already a scorpion-filled landmine ridden cess pool to say something like that to someone you are close too...oooo boy if I ever called any other woman I know "healthy" or if someone said that to me, without a doubt, someone would be straight up punched in the face. Or at the very least would receive a stern look and reprimand.
This made me think about my own dating experiences and those of my friends and it made me wonder why it is so difficult and awkward to make that initial contact with a date. I am not talking about an established relationship...I am talking about those first few dates where you are getting to know someone.
Obviously the point is to get to know someone and I am more inquisitve to my date than say to someone I met on the bus or on line at the store...but I am referring to the basic level of politeness in said "first" situations. People seem perfectly fine on a first business meeting or interacting with strangers in everyday situations but all that seems to go out the window if that situation is called a date.
I am not saying that he was wrong to compliment her...but that it shouldn't have been a compliment focused on her body. He could've said she was pretty and I wouldn't have cared. You can get away with complimenting clothing in virtually any situation without fear of backlash but just imagine you went to a dinner party...it's your first time there and you are being introduced by the host to whoever (doesn't matter)...you may say to that person "My you look lovely tonight" or "Oh! I love those earrings/that tie" but would you EVER say "my you look healthy! You have excellent curves for an Asian woman."
Did anyone else hear the crickets?
GIven that, most likely, no, you would NOT say such things to ANYone else you JUST met (my main point being a first date is generally with someone you don't know well) why do people feel the need to say that to their dates?
I have been on dates where men have said things to me along similar lines as what was quoted above and I've honestly asked a few of them "Would you say that to a stranger on the subway? Someone you just met at work? (Insert dinner party example.) The President??" No?? So why say it to your date?? Again, I am not saying you CAN'T compliment men/women but at the first date level you are still strangers (more than likely) and should leave anything beyond polite social interaction at the door. If you play your cards right this SHOULDN'T be the only time you are seeing this person and so I don't see the need to rush out with the "ItotallyjusthadtotellyouyouhaveaKardashian@$$" comments because they just HAD to know RIGHT THIS SECOND. I feel those comments can be saved for later.
Maybe I am just crazy but this really bugs me.