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The Park Bench The Park Bench

Should first dates be treated like any other "first" social encounter?

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 5:08 PM
  • 4 Replies

I was reading an article today about how to salvage a terrible first date. The premise of the article was a man and a woman had gone out, had a wonderful time, then the man tried to compliment the woman by saying such things as "healthy", "Kardashian-figured" and "curvy for an Asian woman". As you may guess the evening did not end well.

The rest of the article went on to mention ways the evening could have been salvaged but at no point in time did it mention (what I consider) the obvious: Don't talk about the bodies of people you don't know! It is already a scorpion-filled landmine ridden cess pool to say something like that to someone you are close too...oooo boy if I ever called any other woman I know "healthy" or if someone said that to me, without a doubt, someone would be straight up punched in the face. Or at the very least would receive a stern look and reprimand.

This made me think about my own dating experiences and those of my friends and it made me wonder why it is so difficult and awkward to make that initial contact with a date. I am not talking about an established relationship...I am talking about those first few dates where you are getting to know someone.

Obviously the point is to get to know someone and I am more inquisitve to my date than say to someone I met on the bus or on line at the store...but I am referring to the basic level of politeness in said "first" situations. People seem perfectly fine on a first business meeting or interacting with strangers in everyday situations but all that seems to go out the window if that situation is called a date.

I am not saying that he was wrong to compliment her...but that it shouldn't have been a compliment focused on her body. He could've said she was pretty and I wouldn't have cared. You can get away with complimenting clothing in virtually any situation without fear of backlash but just imagine you went to a dinner party...it's your first time there and you are being introduced by the host to whoever (doesn't matter)...you may say to that person "My you look lovely tonight" or "Oh! I love those earrings/that tie" but would you EVER say "my you look healthy! You have excellent curves for an Asian woman."

Did anyone else hear the crickets?

GIven that, most likely, no, you would NOT say such things to ANYone else you JUST met (my main point being a first date is generally with someone you don't know well) why do people feel the need to say that to their dates?

I have been on dates where men have said things to me along similar lines as what was quoted above and I've honestly asked a few of them "Would you say that to a stranger on the subway? Someone you just met at work? (Insert dinner party example.) The President??"  No?? So why say it to your date?? Again, I am not saying you CAN'T compliment men/women but at the first date level you are still strangers (more than likely) and should leave anything beyond polite social interaction at the door. If you play your cards right this SHOULDN'T be the only time you are seeing this person and so I don't see the need to rush out with the "ItotallyjusthadtotellyouyouhaveaKardashian@$$" comments because they just HAD to know RIGHT THIS SECOND. I feel those comments can be saved for later.

Maybe I am just crazy but this really bugs me.


by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 5:08 PM
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Replies (1-4):
Bleacheddecay
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2012 at 5:45 PM

My rule is to meet in a public place, drive yourself, pay your own way and be smart for first dates or meetings.

HTMommy
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 6:52 PM
1 mom liked this

Personally....and I totally get what you are saying, but I think a first date is a clean slate. I'd rather have the trueness of how the person talks the first date rather than them acting and talking in a way they normally wouldn't then sticking their foot in their mouth later down the line and have it all be wasted.

That said, if he's a slick one....(note the sarcasm) and thinks he/she is the sh*t and saying that like its supposed to be a turn on, then they can find the exit on their own. Some people just have a way of talking that rub others the wrong way. Others are WAY to over confident and some off sounding rude. While others just don't know what to say or how to say what they mean and just fuddle it all up and look like a fool.

Its also a perception thing. Some women would take "looking kardashian" a HUGE compliment, but if you aren't a fan you wouldn't while others take "healthy" to mean a polite way to say fat and others take it to mean just that....healthy, fit, lean, tone etc.

CoeyG
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 10:28 PM
1 mom liked this

If someone asked me that I looked Kardishian I'd ask them to clarify.  I would want to know whether they found them attractive or not LOL because I don't find any of them so and when it comes to being attractive the outside, in my opinion isn't as important as inside.  Besides if he thinks they are good looking I would be questioning his intelligence and wouldn't want to see him anyway...

signingmama2915
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 3:06 AM
I've only ever really dated my now dh and we we're good friends first so this kind of dating thing is something i know nothing about.
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